totally kindling

[paulywogg]

ive decided im in a rough patch,i can abstain for a bit 20, 30,40 days,however withdrawal hits me like a ton of bricks on said days,sometimes i can tough it out,others not so damn good,i made an app with doc for friday,i thought i could do this myself but apparantly,i cant,im sick and distgusted in myself,my dr.in the past has tried to prezcribe me stuff,didnt think i needed it,guess i do,im heartbroken right now,admitting defeat,im sorry to my ab thread friends,i wanted to be like you guys,im sorry to my stepper friends,i love all you guys

[available]

totally kindling

Wow Paul be proud of yourself, I have only ever done 11 days. I have not been to my dr, gees I dont have a problem either but I am going to see how I go and if I need meds then this time I am going to be proud enough to admit my problem. I have never ever admitted I was an alcoholic to anyone but after the last few months of feeling my body getting worse and the blackouts I totally know I am one. To admit it I think is half the battle, to give it up is the second. I cant give advice as only Day 3 for me but gees I would be proud of those days you have clocked up, would you have done them otherwise if you did not have the support of MWO?

[NoSugar]

totally kindling

Hi, Paulywogg

There is no shame in needing help from a doctor and I know your friends on those threads won't judge you. They will be glad you are willing to do whatever it takes to get free.

You are not "admitting defeat" - you are admitting you have an addiction and you need more tools in your toolbox.

I'm happy for you that you are ready to take this next step .

Love and support to you! :h NS

[paulywogg]

totally kindling

hi available,if i had just started quitting,i could tell myself"a slip" but crimeny,ive been seriously trying for a year,im a mess,i wish you well on your journey,if you get some sober days,keep em,the brain is a tricky computer to try and reprogram

[paulywogg]

totally kindling

thanks ns,i follow you,youve been amazing,keep it up,never go back to this b.s

[NoSugar]

totally kindling

You can do this, Paulywogg! It is different for everyone - you just need to find what is right for you. You have tried hard many times so now you know that you need to change part of your plan. It seems like Antabuse works for many people. Is that what you are considering?

[available]

totally kindling

Yes I would be disappointed in myself i must admit and probably think well why bother but obviously there is something in your brain that knows you can do it. God i gave up and just left here and drank my bottle and a half a day, everyday, at least you keep trying. You have had sober moments, I have not had many as yet.

Keep in touch you can do it and I have heard the meds do work which is my next step if I feel I cant do it by myself. My goal is three months as my daughter gets married in November, if i keep drinking now i wont remember the wedding let alone get there.

[TJAF]

totally kindling

Pauly, I get it. I hit 30 days today but this Sunday I was curled up in a ball with a splittng headache that came out of nowhere. I am still fatigued and some days I feel like Ive woken up with a hangover. Kindling is real. With that said I know however rotten I may feel I know it isn't the result of a bottle of vodka. Its my brain healing. No shame in seeing a Doctor in fact you may be doing yourself a big favor. Helping get through the rough patches may be the answer for success. I plan on making an appointment as well and finally having an honest talk with my Doctor.

[paulywogg]

totally kindling

congrats on 30 days tjaf,hold on to it!! n.s,no antabuse for me,im afraid ill be one of the ones that drink on it,im on a small benzo dose and i still drink on it,i just dont understand all of this,i was doing beautifully,up until a week ago,anxiety hit me,i tried to take another half of klono,my heart was beating,my head felt weird(pressure) ive read csmpral can help put neurons back together,i have some,however it expires 9/13 ,im tempted to just use it,no i better wait,5 htp was working,to reduce anxiety,insomnia,i dont know what happened,probly cuz i take it sporadictly?poop out? yikes! im not in a great place

[porqoui]

totally kindling

:l Pauly :l

Sending positive "P's" express delivery...:angel:PPPP:angel:

I know EXACTLY how you feel. It was day 45 for me and I just couldn't quit crying....

When I finally quit throwing up (figure of speech) over the thought of telling everyone I'd slipped (or to be honest decided to drink) I posted those exact feelings and the next set of tears was from the overwhelming support and understanding of our family on the abs thread.

So proud of your honesty and courage to share. :h Come home so we can all be with you as you start your next journey....Dr's appointment (honesty will really help here), evaluation of where you are medically at and then a plan for moving forward with the right meds/supplements that work for you.....be safe and reach out if you need to....:hPPQP

[TJAF]

totally kindling

Pauly based on what you just described medically supervised detox may be the best thing for you. I looked into it a few years back and it can be done on the QT as an outpatient. At least you'll know you're not risking your health. I do know what you are going through. You are not alone.

[paulywogg]

totally kindling

thanks tjaf,ya know one of the most active members here told me,she had received many p.m's wondering why she was trying to help me,guess whoever pm'd her was right on,guess they knew how bad off a person could get,even though i dont see if a person could get so much sober time up,ah nevermind,its just been laying on my mind what she said,and i am sure its true,apparently im beyond help of an online forum,i do think i drank a tad more than some folks here,to me 5 beers is nada,half a bottle of wine is piss,(even though i never drink wine,or spirits,bud lite is all i drink)however its alot,when i do,how embsrrasing

[TJAF]

totally kindling

I was drinking a bottle of vodka a day so I really do know where you are coming from. Based on your description medically supervised detox is the right path. Good luck and keep posting.

[Samstone]

totally kindling

Pauly
no judgement here, who the heck can even begin to do that... I've done this bit a billion times. I'll even not drink for years and then go on a 4 or 5 year tear. I don't trust this beast nor have I seen anything like this before. I'm thinking of you.
Sam

[Unwasted]

totally kindling

Pauly, I'm so surprised to hear about the PMs. Everyone here seems so supportive. Please don't let one or two negatives keep you from coming here. Even if you need something in addition to MWO, I think the friendship and anonymity here are invaluable.

I hope you'll keep posting and let us know how you're doing. You're very brave to admit you need additional help and to be willing to open up to your doctor. That's not easy, and it shows strength of character to do it.

Wishing you the best.

xx,
UN :lilheart: