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AF Maturity Levels? - Fill in the blank....

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    #1

    AF Maturity Levels? - Fill in the blank....

    Lately, some sleepless nights have had me thinking about my journey to being AF and what sobriety will mean for me long-term. I know we try to take this one day at a time especially when we're starting our journey, but have been looking at it in chunks of time as well; and calling it, for lack of a better name, AF maturity stages. For those that have already achieved this or are close to considering themselves long-term, does this make sense and can you fill in the end blank to give us newbies some additional perspectives on what being AF over the long haul has meant to you. (Kind of like the steps of grieving Byrdie shared last week, but this is more of our own personal journey) And, maybe there are stages in here that you'd substitute and/or skip.

    To me:
    Sobriety brings clarity
    Clarity brings awakening
    Awakening brings revelations
    Revelations bring decisiveness
    Decisiveness brings change
    And, change brings ___________! (e.g. happiness, peace, freedom, security, widsom, confidence, rebirth, all of the above, etc.)

    This is how I've plotted my journey anyway, and seem to be somewhere in the awakening phase with some revelatons happening. Still learning a lot and sure don't want to rush anything but rather let each phase run its course. Maybe it's like the old adage, that it's all about the journey.

    What do you all think? Worthwhile to look at our road to being AF this way?
    Tags: None
    #2
    AF Maturity Levels? - Fill in the blank....

    I wish I could say it's as simple as that.

    I could say I'm a lot happier, and at peace, more confident but these are things that need to be worked on on a daily basis. Life is far from perfect sober, but it's a whole lot more manageable. I have more freedom, but am still suffering some of the consequences of my drinking days which do still affect me in that I'm held back, and have to jump over a few hurdles to get where I want to be, do what I want to do.

    I think I'd break it down into much simple, more basic things;

    Sobriety means I won't die early, and I can do things like drive my car, get out more, travel more BUT like I said I still have to deal with the consequences of my problematic drinking. Main benefit of getting in control has been the situation isn't going to get any worse and in a bit more time it'll improve.
    I used the Sinclair Method to beat my alcoholic drinking.

    Drank within safe limits for almost 2 years

    AF date 22/07/13

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      #3
      AF Maturity Levels? - Fill in the blank....

      I am going to think about this one. I know for sure is that things have become a lot clearer
      since becoming af.
      No matter how far you go or how fast you run, you can't get away from yourself. ....said at an AA meeting. It stuck with me.

      Comment

        #4
        AF Maturity Levels? - Fill in the blank....

        Ukblonde;1549443 wrote: I wish I could say it's as simple as that.

        I could say I'm a lot happier, and at peace, more confident but these are things that need to be worked on on a daily basis. Life is far from perfect sober, but it's a whole lot more manageable. I have more freedom, but am still suffering some of the consequences of my drinking days which do still affect me in that I'm held back, and have to jump over a few hurdles to get where I want to be, do what I want to do.

        I think I'd break it down into much simple, more basic things;

        Sobriety means I won't die early, and I can do things like drive my car, get out more, travel more BUT like I said I still have to deal with the consequences of my problematic drinking. Main benefit of getting in control has been the situation isn't going to get any worse and in a bit more time it'll improve.
        Ditto Ditto Ditto, UK...and for some reason the Driving My Car' reference made me laugh :H and heaven knows I need to laugh lately.
        Maybe it's in recognition in the every day mundane things most people gave little no to thought at all- that now seem a little larger than life.
        :l
        On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
        *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
        https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
        https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

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          #5
          AF Maturity Levels? - Fill in the blank....

          Staying sober for almost nine months has brought me a peace of mind and freedom I didn't know existed. I can now focus on things, stay on task and be far more assertive than when I was throwing vast quantities of wine down my throat on a daily basis. The financial consequences of years of drinking are now beginning to settle, I no longer have to factor in around ?40 per week to cover my wine which sadly had become a priority.

          I haven't lost the weight I thought I would, but I have been told by the practice nurse that it takes in excess of a year for the liver to recover so there is hope, however, I've managed to lose some weight, get my blood pressure down to a normal level and excellent numbers on the blood count. My hair and skin are in much better condition and sleeping is so much better. My relationship took one hell of a battering so that is still a work in progress, maybe it will be fully restored, who knows?

          I was told by a very good friend who is "one of us" and has been sober for 12 years:

          don't have the first one of the day
          don't push yourself too hard or try to make any major lifestyle changes in the first year

          2 fairly simple bits of advice and what he says if proving to be true, not having that first drink is the key to it all.

          A couple of weeks ago I dropped off some boxes to a friend (aka ex drinking buddy) at 7.30am, I was on my way to work, she was off sick with torn ligaments in her finger, done whilst drunk. She was also getting over another heavy night, she emailed me later that day to ask for help getting off the drink. Said she was jealous because I looked so well and content. It hit me then that I am.

          I can now accept that as much as I loved wine, champagne (and most other things alcoholic) they didn't love me back and I don't need the self-abuse any more. I've got a money box in the kitchen and I stick ?4 a day in it, the price of a bottle of cheap wine, that alone is enough to keep me on track now. A decent pair of shoes or handbag every two weeks? no way was that possible before and if I am honest I spent far, far more than that on booze.
          AF since 9 December 2012 :yay:

          Comment

            #6
            AF Maturity Levels? - Fill in the blank....

            Thanks all -
            SW -Love the "content" comment.
            UKB - love the fact you break it down to more basic things.
            Kradle - I too take notice now of more mundane things that I would have missed before in my wine fog.

            At this point - 22 days, I still feel restless and somewhat anxious. Not to have a drink mind you, but just not sure what's yet to come. As they say sometimes at dinner parties or restaurants - "hold on to your fork". That typically means something better (dessert) is about to come. So, as I go through the weeks, counting the days - the number doesn't necessarily make me feel good - it does, however, make me feel accountable. I'm trying to understand where my head is and what I'm thinking as I move through the days and weeks and what am I seeing, feeling, hearing, tasting, loving, etc., that I missed out on before.

            I'm not sure what the ultimate feeling will be for me. I guess I'll know it when it hits, so until then, I'm just hanging on to my fork! lol

            Comment

              #7
              AF Maturity Levels? - Fill in the blank....

              [QUOTE=spiderwoman;1549643]Staying sober for almost nine months has brought me a peace of mind and freedom I didn't know existed. I can now focus on things, stay on task and be far more assertive than when I was throwing vast quantities of wine down my throat on a daily basis. The financial consequences of years of drinking are now beginning to settle, I no longer have to factor in around ?40 per week to cover my wine which sadly had become a priority.

              I haven't lost the weight I thought I would, but I have been told by the practice nurse that it takes in excess of a year for the liver to recover so there is hope, however, I've managed to lose some weight, get my blood pressure down to a normal level and excellent numbers on the blood count. My hair and skin are in much better condition and sleeping is so much better. My relationship took one hell of a battering so that is still a work in progress, maybe it will be fully restored, who knows?

              I have to agree with spider women I also have a sense of peace after 90 days knowing I didn't do anything the night before.....that has lifted a lot off my shoulders .....I also would like to loose the weight and am dissapointed that it hasn't happen but then that is partly my fault ....the chocolate to have of an evening instead of wine ..... I still only do it one day at a time and am surprised that I'm not concentrating on wine like I used to .....had to make sure I had enough to last the night ::l

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