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    SPARKLES143 CAN !

    THANK YOU FLOSSIE FOR THE MESSAGE I am starting a new thread from my We Cannot Do this thread of which I was pretty well tipsy when I posted and I was so upset we were getting back into our patterns and that was the last day I had a drink.

    Im on Day 8. I feel absolutley fantastic minus some headaches and an extreme desire to take a nap at 200pm everyday which is the time I get home from work and then pick up kids at 230, LOL so thats ok, ill have another iced tea and move on with it.

    I miss having a huge glass of wine or a bottle and would have done so approximatley 3 times in the last 8 days, well that is over 2000 calories who knows how many carbs, how many restless sleep nights, how many feeling like crap so i will eat junk food and not exercise and then blame chores not being done on kids sports my job and my husband. Its simple really, dont drink because when I drink a light switch flips and I want a whole bottle or more of red wine a meritage a cab a merlot.... I wish I could get back to the place where I can have a glass of wine, but i dont know if its possible. Only time will tell.

    I have an appointment with an addiction specialist next Monday. I am starting to waiver thinking well being AF almost 14 days then maybe this time I can do it on my own, but part of me wants to move forward with it and seek their program outpatient of course but the therapy possibly meds to control thse cravings that I have given in to a 1000 times and then again say Im done for good only to give in again. I would like to get to the root of my drinking problem although I can probably spew out several reasons why I dont want that to define ME I hate that I can get past anything, I just have to make it so.

    So I want to give a special thanks to those of you who have reached out to me during the past 8 days, Miley, Flossie and I would like to know where Caz22 is because I havent seen her in a while and I hope she is faring well.

    I love this site. I feel a comraderie knowing that there are other people just like me out there battling this demon and that it is OK and we can do it.

    A Little about me I am the stereotype Soccer Mom and Baseball Mom. I have 3 kids, in my early 40's live in So Cal work part time and am constantly on the run. If there is a Committee for PTA AYSO Baseball Im usually on it and a leader. I love crafting and sewing but dont have much time for that as we have Sports 6 days a week. But I will someday and then I will miss being Moms taxi so I am happy to do it. I try really hard not to drink in front of my kids because I know after the 4th glass they can tell and my daughter age 11 gets annoyed. I am divorced and remarried to an amazing guy and he likes to drink too. (of my 3 kids one is his son and 2 are my bio kids and we have no kids together by choice, 3 is enough they are age 11 11 8 and 2 are boys and 2 boys are enough to make a person drink )but my ex and I are now good friends and we live only a mile from each other. He has never remarried and we split in 2007 and just 2 weeks ago he drunk texted me and said he wished things worked out. I feel guilt about that even though he was a complete jerk and still is at times when we were married. The nights and weekends when my kids are with him is when I fall of the edge completely. I go from being so busy caring for the kids to this quiet empty house and it feels so weird its like my life stops, I cant explain it and I just go for the wine. Thats what I need to change. I know I can do it but I need to reprogram my brain or something. I can FEEL the physical cravings coming on as if my body knows they are going to their dads. So that is a little about me. I hope some can relate, I would love to chat and have another friend, Thanks again Flossie to go too.

    Im on Day 8 Today I feel amazing and am so ready to take on this day and make it happen !!

    Lets do this !

    #2
    SPARKLES143 CAN !

    Congratulations, Sparkles!

    You sound great!

    Maybe starting one of those craft or sewing projects that you normally don't have time for to work on when your kids are with their dad would be a good way to enjoy yourself and fill up those hours you suddenly have for yourself. The empty nest was one of the things that worsened my situation. In a way, joint custody is "practice" for the inevitable releasing of our kids to the world. I also like to craft and sew - what are you thinking of making?

    Strength to you! :h NS

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      #3
      SPARKLES143 CAN !

      Sparkles...just read your post ..where in heck did you get time to drink!!!!you are one busy lady!Congrats on your af time so far..only you can make it the beginning of the end..if that makes sense!!!change your routine .when the kids go to their dads..go for a walk ,do one of your hobbies..as for the need to have a drink when they go...fine ..but before you do ask yourself why ,can I do without it ,what harm is it doing what can I do instead and all sorts of questions till the craving passes which I guarantee it will! at the same time have a big glass of water, or maybe lots of them ..and if the voice says I need a drink ..ok that's fine ..but I will drink these first..get yourself so full of water that you dont want to drink!!ok you may pee a bit more but hey!all that is is surfing the crest with the addition of water
      As for your partner drinking ..so does mine ,and it doesnt bother me in the slightest..be proud of what you are doing ..be proud not ashamed to not drink al..there are lots of people who think they cant ..dont be one of them!!Once again well done..be positive you are doing it...... not can do it :l
      af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 12

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        #4
        SPARKLES143 CAN !

        Hi Sparkles! Yes you CAN do this! You do sound good! I know that the thought of never drinking again can be a bit daunting, but don't think of it like that. Just don't drink today, that's all you need to think about. It's good that you have hobbies, your crafts and stuff...my big problem was boredom when I first quit drinking. I'd always liked to read...but towards the end I wasn't able to remember anything I read. So now I am a serious bookworm again! My daughter goes to her dads sometimes too so I am all alone quite a bit, but now I enjoy the quiet and don't miss spending all day in bed with a splitting headache. You say your daughter is 11 and notices when you've had some wine....my daughter was 12 when she wrote me a tearful letter saying she thought I was going to die because of all the beer I drank.....that was the beginning of my "wake up" call.

        Well, I am rambling. LOL I'm glad you're here, keep up your good work. And yes, I hear ya' about the 2pm nap time...I always sit at my desk with my eyes closed around 2 pm. LOL

        Stay close!

        K9
        :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

        Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

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          #5
          SPARKLES143 CAN !

          Sparkles....Love your attitude! Thanks for sharing enough info so we can get to know you better. I can really relate to your post, although my kids are older now (My Daughters are 21 and 27 and I have a stepson that is 21). My first husband and I divorced almost 10 years ago and had joint custody. Like you, when I had them with me I was running all over the place (sports, etc...). It was on the nights and weekends when I had time to myself that I was 'enjoying' a bottle of wine. I am at a point now that if I have a glass....it's going to be the bottle because I don't seem to have that shut-off anymore. My new husband also drinks.....we used to go to wine tastings, etc...so it has made it a bit challenging for me because it was part of our lifestyle. However....I know I need to make a change...the fact that I am on MWO tells me I have a problem. Normal drinkers don't go looking for help because they think they drink too much.

          I think you should go to the addiction counselor. Although you will have 14 days in, it is still an addiction. I had 30 days in (in June), then went on vacation, thinking I could handle things. If I could go 30 days then I might not have a problem (the little lies we tell ourselves)...Since the second week of July I have been trying to stop again and have been having a very difficult time. Boredom is a big issue for me....like NS said, empty nest syndrome can really cause problems. Also, I started counseling, not specifically for addictions, and was thinking that all of my issues were the reason that I drink when actually....the reason that I drink is because AL is an addictive substance by nature. So I need to separate the addiction from the other issues and deal with it as such.

          You are well on your way, my friend....keep on going. It NEVER gets better...it will just get worse over time. I wish I had found MWO 10 years ago but I lucky that I have it now and I'm not wasting another 10 years doing this dance.
          Miley

          "The moment you are ready to quit is usually the moment right before a miracle happens..don't give up"
          [COLOR=Magenta]Joyfully AF Since 1/22/14

          Comment


            #6
            SPARKLES143 CAN !

            new day sparkles ...you doing ok?
            af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 12

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              #7
              SPARKLES143 CAN !

              Hi everyone and than you for the replies and the check in Mick...very much appreciated ! I am on is it day 9 now. Im feeling good ! Kinda ehhhhhhh strating those next 3 nights without the kids maybe I should relax and have some wine with the Hubster its like a pull... pulling me I know my mind is programmed to it, I do really want to head in to this doctors appt next week with 14 days AF and gove my story and see if the Rx they prescribe Campral is a fit for me.
              Super duper productive week, taking on the world or at least I feel like doing so! I have a few crafty projects lined up and will be promoting our Fundraising event this weeken in additin to Soccer, etc and so on. My husband is working so i will be free in the world... its a good thing !
              Yeah as I write this I feel even better.
              Mick I see the AF since 4th of July 2012 that is awesome ! That is bar none my biggest party day I Love the 4th of July ! This year though I was AF and it was one of the best 4th of July on record
              Have a Fab Day everyone...Ill check in later as that Thursday night demon takes over. Last Thursday night was simply splendid watching Project Runway and remembering it the next day !
              Hugs to you all !!

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                #8
                SPARKLES143 CAN !

                Thanks Mick for your earlier post on Sep 13 thread. I'm having a few drinks tonight . I'll be chipper in the morning though Just enjoying this Thursday night I'm on track... Have a new mindset.

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                  #9
                  SPARKLES143 CAN !

                  Hi Mick havent stopped thinking about moderating ... so I did. Uggg Im not perfect tomorrow but my wherewitthall never changes> I will do this and for some reason your monkey on my back sticks... stay with me

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                    #10
                    SPARKLES143 CAN !

                    Oh btw going to bed now... Nothing crazy I have to admit all of you have been in the back of my mind... I think the dynamic has changed thanks to all of you. I made a mistake I'm not off the edge but message me like I might thanks !!

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                      #11
                      SPARKLES143 CAN !

                      Hiya Sparkles ..hows you today? well where are we up to?Yep moderating works for some...and good luck to those that it does for ...but me I aint one of them..that button was never fitted ..I used to go from a to pissed....forget the woozy giggly jokey stages!!wake up feeling ok and think wow what a great night...what did I do or say??You stick at it girl..you can do it!!
                      af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 12

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                        #12
                        SPARKLES143 CAN !

                        Today is a new day. I feel like wow I did it last night had a bit and went to bed. I dont want to play around with fire though. Im thinking its a redbox kind of night or maybe out to dinner with the hubster and get a good nights sleep. I can feel the difference from having even a few glasses of wine from when I have had nothing. I love the bright eyed feeling much better !
                        Thanks Mick for the follow up and post this morning.

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                          #13
                          SPARKLES143 CAN !

                          Great day today.... Feeling so good like I am in control and drinking is not! Nice dinner tonight with the Parentals and my husband. Dad and husband had 2 bottles of wine with dinner. I had one glass and water. I was DD. I plan to always be DD as a strategy. I won't drink and drive so it works. Nice conversation good food and now for a good nights sleep! Up and at em early tomorrow errands Soccer and a new piece of furniture to refinish! Life is Good! Night all sweet dreams to all of you )

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                            #14
                            SPARKLES143 CAN !

                            Well done you :goodjob:..as you say up and at em!!!! have a great day
                            af since the fourth of July 2012...howzat then America..now proudly marching into year 12

                            Comment


                              #15
                              SPARKLES143 CAN !

                              Hi Mick !! 530am US time and I am awake... It's Saturday.
                              Thank you for checking on me.hope you are having a wonderful day today!

                              Comment

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