Amber's Journal

[little beagle]

Amber's Journal

Sake all those things you mentioned are probably everyday occurrences to lots of people. I personally am just so glad I don't have them in my life anymore.
Available I am sorry for how your brother lost his fight with al. I am just really glad you are fighting it. You can win this fight. Keep up the good work!

[available]

Amber's Journal

Thanks LB, it has taken me long enough to accept that i need to stop and its getting better everyday. I do not want to end up like my brother.

[witts end]

Amber's Journal

Oh I dont know what to say that was very sad about your brother available

sake do you notice that besides every supermarket you find alcohol right next door (there in seperate shops here in australia)

LB your right there are a lot of people who are loosing the battle with alcohol ....hopefully i wont be one of them

Keep up the good work everyone

[K9Lover]

Amber's Journal

I feel for you Amber, I really do. Can you put the clean clothes in another room other than the living room? Anywhere you can maybe close the door and not have them staring at you. Maybe close the door on your hubby too...I know the noises of a sick man can drive any sane woman up the wall! LOL

How old is your daughter? Tell her she has FIVE minutes to get her teeth done...no arguing.

I'm no expert at this, but don't look at the big picture (the whole house). Just like with drinking, don't think FOREVER...just think of right now. Take one little thing at a time and eventually it will build up to be something big.

To answer your question, I got sober on December 26, 2011. I struggled with it for years before it finally "stuck". Don't get overwhelmed and don't quit before the miracle happens :l

[Sake123]

Amber's Journal

K9 - I wish I had another place to up the clothes but our spare bedroom became my office and our laundry room is a tiny space. But today I'm tackling it head on. I'm going to get some of it done. I wish we had not converted into a office because now I have to share the bedroom with sickboy! (aka husband) I thought of smothering him with a pillow but then who would mow the lawn? LOL!!

My daughter will be 8 sept 28th. Love her dearly but she's a handful. I'm afraid we've gotten into a pattern where she doesn't listen unless we get to the point of yelling. It's awful and I'm embarrassed. Mothering does not come natural to me. And it seems like everyone else has the answers but I sit here dumbfounded. My mom was here for the first 5 years of her life and she really was closer to her than me. Which is fine because my mom was an awesome person. I miss her very much. But I guess I just never really learned how to be in charge. She pushes my buttons like crazy and sometimes I just start crying (in another room of course) because I can't seem to get her to do what she needs to do.

Anyway - congrats on your long term sobriety. That is so great! :0) And thanks for your understanding and support.

[K9Lover]

Amber's Journal

I hope you don't think I come across as "having all the answers"...I certainly didn't mean that! Just throwing out suggestions I guess. Lord knows I am FAR from perfect! I do understand how you wanted to suffocate the hubby though. You could always hire a gardner. LOL just kidding

Just do the best you can, that's all ANY of us can do. Just don't drink over it and you'll be much better off. The worst day sober is better than the best day drunk! :l

[Sake123]

Amber's Journal

K9 - not at all...I'll take all the advice I can get. I am a brain damaged mule wandering the desert. LOL! Seriously, I am open to suggestions. Especially from those (like you) who have walked in my shoes.

Hmmm...gardener...hmmm LOL!

[Sake123]

Amber's Journal

Today marks one week for me. I have yet to tell anyone I quit, except for my husband which it is very obvious to him. I can't say that he's the biggest safety net I have because he is my hugest enabler. Love him dearly but he doesn't see that there anything wrong with my drinking. He's not a big drinker. He might have a couple shots of rum on the weekend but that's it.

Anyway - I have not proclaimed my quit to anyone. Why? Because I'm afraid of having to go back later and tell them I've started again. I know that drinking again will just bring more pain and misery but why am I keeping my quit to myself? Maybe because I've quit smoking before and shouted it to the roof tops just to start again a couple months down the road? So I am only accountable to myself.

This forum is safe because like many others...I can drop in and out and really, there's no accountability here. I don't "know" any of you. And the senior members of this forum are very used to people coming and going, I am sure.

I am not thinking about drinking. I guess I'm just wondering why I am so guarded. Maybe I just figure I should have time under my belt before I go signing my own praises. I guess for now, I can give myself my own accolades. And just focus on not drinking today.

I am happy to be starting day 7!!

[NoSugar]

Amber's Journal

Sake123;1554832 wrote:
This forum is safe because like many others...I can drop in and out and really, there's no accountability here. I don't "know" any of you. And the senior members of this forum are very used to people coming and going, I am sure.

Congratulations on making it to day 7, Sake.

Interestingly, I found a tremendous amount of accountability here - certainly more than I'd had to myself. Initially, I didn't want to let down the people ahead of me, some of whom spent a great deal of time and emotional energy helping me. After I started encouraging other people who were with or behind me, my sense of accountability increased. How could I presume to suggest to other people what they do - with much of it being very difficult - if I wasn't willing to do the same thing myself?

I think the more invested you become in this group, the greater your your accountability and the more likely your success.

Glad you are here - NS

[Sake123]

Amber's Journal

Hi NS - I am sorry if I made it sound like this forum doesn't matter. Now that I re-read what I wrote, it does sound that way. What I mean is that I could easily just disappear (especially after only being here for a week) and doubt that many (if any) would even notice. And that's not to say that people don't care...it's just that I'm Sake/avatar/anonymous - and no one really knows me or I them. But it is an interesting perspective you bring up of helping others. I feel so selfish right now that I'm ashamed to say that I don't feel like I could help anyone with anything.

I plan to stick close to this forum and hope that my perspective will shift to closer resemble yours in time.

[NoSugar]

Amber's Journal

Sake123;1554861 wrote: Hi NS - I am sorry if I made it sound like this forum doesn't matter. Now that I re-read what I wrote, it does sound that way. What I mean is that I could easily just disappear (especially after only being here for a week) and doubt that many (if any) would even notice. And that's not to say that people don't care...it's just that I'm Sake/avatar/anonymous - and no one really knows me or I them. But it is an interesting perspective you bring up of helping others. I feel so selfish right now that I'm ashamed to say that I don't feel like I could help anyone with anything.

I plan to stick close to this forum and hope that my perspective will shift to closer resemble yours in time.

You are right, Sake, people do come and go. I've only been here for 7.5 months and sometimes when for some reason I'm reading old posts, I see screen names that I had forgotten about because there is such a fast turnover here, unfortunately. Sometimes I'm reminded of a person who had been seeming to do so well and it makes me sad and wish that something would have kept him or her at MWO.

I guess my point is to get involved enough here that if you were to disappear, some people you have really connected with will notice. Like I said, I think your commitment to engaging here is important to your success, especially if MWO is your main support system for getting off AL.

You can always encourage people, even when you are new. Or even just say that you've felt like they do (if you have). One thing people who make it here need is to know they are "not the only one" who feels a certain way or has done some things they are really ashamed of.

:h NS

[Sake123]

Amber's Journal

Hey - Thanks...you kind of opened my eyes to a new reality. I appreciate your input. You're right; just having someone say I understand where you're coming from or way to go on x days sober. It is a cool network. and I plan to be a part of it for a very long time!

Thanks again for sharing your point of view.

[K9Lover]

Amber's Journal

Hi Amber!
I am so proud of you for making it to day 7! That's a huge accomplishement in our world! And believe me when I say I would miss you if you disappeared...so don't do it! :l

I really need to quit "announcing" that I've quit smoking! LOL If you read the "No More Butts" thread you'll see that I've been "quitting" since 2010. But as with alcohol, I'll never quit quitting!

You must be feeling physically better about now eh? And I'm sure the fog is starting to clear in your brain. The thing I hated so much was how "fuzzy" my thoughts were, all day, every day. One more thing I DO NOT miss!

Okay girl, keep up your great work, and don't you dare go anywhere...you can't hide from me, I will come looking for you under those piles of laundry! LOL

Love,
K9

[Sake123]

Amber's Journal

K9 - It's funny but seems different with quitting smoking. It's like as much as people hate it they seem to understand or tolerate that addiction more. There seems to be less "shame" attached to quitting smoking than alcohol. At least in my circle. With smoking as much as alcohol you need all the support you can get.

I am feeling better!! I feel different this time around. Which scares me because I really haven't been in any tempting scenarios since I quit. But I just keep telling myself...I DON'T DRINK!! Kind of yelling it in my mind as I'm a little slow and deaf at times so I have to YELL! LOL!!!

LOL! Thanks for your support! And please don't go through my laundry pile..the shame is unbearable! LOL! Hugs!!

[K9Lover]

Amber's Journal

LOL! My daughter can't seem to quite grasp the "hamper" concept, so her bathroom has PILES of dirty clothes in it. Every morning the dog has dragged select items out into the hallway to roll around in. I guess that's how he entertains himself in the middle of the night...wonder what else he does? Or maybe I don't want to know! LOL

(and here I thought he was in bed with me all night....)