Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Amber's Journal

Collapse
X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 8
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 template Next
    #46
    Amber's Journal

    C-Dev - Thanks so much!! I've really appreciated your support along the way. Congrats again on your 30 + days!

    Comment

      #47
      Amber's Journal

      I love your journal , ,Sake!!

      You are not only an inspiration I stayinAF but in writing and writing and writing our journey which can only be an immense push in the right direction. :h

      I so often have such a jumble in my head, so much to say but all my words look more like a pile of old bricks a lot of the time!

      I need to head over to Mr. g's thread and use them ... Maybe get a yellow brick going...
      On My Own Way Out Since May 20, 2012
      *If you think poorly of yourself, you can fail with a clear conscience.
      https://www.mywayout.org/community/f11/tool-box-27556.html tool box
      https://www.mywayout.org/community/f19/newbies-nest-30074.html newbie nest

      Comment

        #48
        Amber's Journal

        Kradle - Thank you!!! I wish that my journal could help me in some of the way I'm failing miserably as a "patient" mother...but I am working on it. I guess that's all we can do. You guys have all been so inspiring and knowing that others can and have gotten sober, is such a support to me. I am so thankful to have found this forum and the wonderful people that are on it. I feel humbled to be welcome into this family.

        Comment

          #49
          Amber's Journal

          Just doing a quick update. Day 19 of my journey. It has been many years since I went 19 days without drinking. The surprising part is it has been much easier than I expected. I will say that I'm concerned with the amount of other negative things that I have put in it's place. Eating too much and smoking weed. I know these things need to be addressed but I am not as worried about them at the present. My husband smokes and I find myself partaking with him..which I never really did in the past. Got in the way of my alcohol buzz. Now I know people will have their opinions on smoking, and that's ok. It is legal where I live so I'm not concerned in that respect. But it does make me eat a lot which could be a problem. Anyway - I don't want to replace one drug for another...so I will address it soon. But right now, I'm just focusing on staying off the liquor. I am very concerned about our trip in November because I know me, and I've been fooling myself saying that I can drink when I'm on vacation. I really want to change that thought process and quick! I do not want to drink on my vacation! I know that it will only lead back up to daily drinking when I get home and I just don't want to revisit that reality. So, I have my work ahead of me.

          There is a part of me that doesn't want to mention the pot smoking in fear of being judged. But this is my journal and this is where I need to be the most honest. If I can't be honest with myself, then I'm sunk. Game over!! So this is my story for today.

          Comment

            #50
            Amber's Journal

            Hands up also Sake, i have been having a smoke in the afternoon after work. Very little compared to my sons intake and it seems to take that edge off the witching hour and need for AL. I dont feel that i will become addicted to weed at all and that need for AL when we used to drink goes away if i have a "cone". Hey it a natural drug, a plant, we all eat things grown in the ground.

            I am up to day 24 here and like you it is getting easier. My daughter has her "hens night" on 12th October and this worries me greatly. I think can i have a few drinks maybe although i had a dream last night that everyone was drinking and my daughter asked why i wasnt. I said i dont want to and i cant drink, she said yes you can its my night and i said to her "honey I am an alcoholic therefore I cannot drink". Funny what the subconscious mind thinks and i think i will listen to that part.

            My thought processes are exactly the same, oh just a few and i will be fine, of course I will be, that is why i am on this site. If i could have a few i would be classified as "normal" mmm

            Keep going Sake as we know the benefits are amazing and my opinion is a little weed is not harming you or me for that matter.
            AF free 1st December 2013 - 1st December 2022 - 9 years of freedom

            Comment

              #51
              Amber's Journal

              Hi Available - First of all...congrats on Day 24!! That's really cool! And thank you for understanding my position. Once again, it's nice to know I'm not alone!

              What is Hens Night? Is that like a right of passage party? Sounds wonderful and I'm sure you'll do great without drinking.

              Thanks again!!
              Amber

              Comment

                #52
                Amber's Journal

                Thanks Sake i am pretty proud of myself also as you should be, god the thought of going back to day 1 is a horrendous thought. We are never alone on this site and it is amazing the stories that come on here and all so relateable.

                A hens night is where we are getting a motel room for the night, drinks before we go out, go to a strip club and then a nightclub. I have tried to get out of it but it is my daughter so i have to go but i really dont want to drink, i really want to remember the night. I am going to have a talk to her beforehand. My other daughter said also that it was okay to drink for one night but we know where that leads, they don't understand but I am trying so hard to be honest with them. Then my mother comes down for a couple of months and she loves her couple of drinks at night, now this will be hard as AL will be in my house so another talk coming up for mum and then the wedding. Bring it on I say but i am quietly terrified my AL brain will break out.
                AF free 1st December 2013 - 1st December 2022 - 9 years of freedom

                Comment

                  #53
                  Amber's Journal

                  Well..now that sounds like fun! And I like the way you're thinking about it. You will be able to remember the whole night and keep all the other hens safe!

                  It sounds like you have some challenges ahead of you. But keeping up to date on this forum, I'm sure, will help keep us all grounded and keep AL at bay.

                  Comment

                    #54
                    Amber's Journal

                    It's been 3 weeks since I had a drink (or several as the case would be). I am feeling just enough compliancy to be worried. Old thoughts are creeping in like: Oh, I can drink every once in a while. Just not how I WAS drinking or I miss my wine while watching tv or I'm bored!

                    Talked to a girlfriend today. She was in AA with me 20 + years ago. She started drinking again a few years back. Stayed sober a lot longer than me. Today she asked me if I was quitting for good, or just making life style adjustments. I immediately latched onto the words "Life Style adjustments" Man that sounds good. I'll just change the way I drink. Well fuckadoodledoo!!! If I could do that, I would have years ago. years before the elevated liver enzymes, the hellish hangovers, the falling down, the stupid mistakes, the making a fool of myself, the really bad judgment, the depression and the list goes on and on. I'm so damn mad at alcohol I could scream. My mom and I got into a huge argument when I was a teenager and her words are coming back to me now. We were in a screaming match and she shouted "Why can't you just be normal!?!?" to which I shouted back "Because I'm NOT f'ing normal!!!" LOL! We laughed about that for years. But I guess it's true and I better get used to it. I'm not normal, and I'm never going to be able to drink normally and I don't want to!!

                    Comment

                      #55
                      Amber's Journal

                      3 weeks Sake good on you girl, keep going. God i so laughed with the "fuckadoodledoo" comment. Of course we can moderate NOT and you are totally correct we would not be on this site and we would be "normal". Im not normal either, apparently my mother says i have an attitude problem. She may be right but i had more of an attitude when i was drinking.

                      I am going on a date again after work, second one with this guy (bloody miracle) and it is great to not drink and remember and have a decent conversation. He was telling me his father died of alcohol complications. Small world of what AL does to peoples lives, it affects everyone one way or another.
                      AF free 1st December 2013 - 1st December 2022 - 9 years of freedom

                      Comment

                        #56
                        Amber's Journal

                        Hope you have a great date night! LOL about the attitude problem. Yes, I believe we all have attitude problems because of alcohol!!

                        Comment

                          #57
                          Amber's Journal

                          I really enjoy reading your journal. I can relate to many if your struggles. Thank you for being so honest.

                          Comment

                            #58
                            Amber's Journal

                            Ican - thanks so much for responding! I'm really hoping we can take this journey together! Have a great night (or day).

                            Comment

                              #59
                              Amber's Journal

                              well done on your 3 weeks Sake, you are doing great!
                              Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it! ~ Goethe

                              Comment

                                #60
                                Amber's Journal

                                Thanks BH!! This forum and all the great support and advice have helped keep me afloat!

                                Comment

                                Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 template Next
                                Working...
                                X