Amber's Journal

[lifechange]

Amber's Journal

hey Sake,
this is such a great thread--it's good for us to remember. Like Nosugar recently said, to remember enough not to fall back into the trap, but not so much that life can't be enjoyed. Renewing your vows:h very nice. It is coming up very soon...

[K9Lover]

Amber's Journal

I am so proud of you, you are doing amazing!

I agree that being hungover is a very lonely feeling. You don't want to tell anyone because you did it to yourself, so you get no sympathy for feeling so crappy! I remember struggling day after day, hoping I wouldn't dry heave at my desk or pass out. I can't believe I lived like that for years.

The buzz for me came around beer 3, but by beer 12, I was just a complete mess. Drinking stopped being fun, and became a full time job. It's so much easier to not drink.

Keep up your great work!!

K9

[Sake123]

Amber's Journal

Lifechange & K9 - Thanks for the support!! Couldn't do it without the help of this awesome forum and the people on it.

[3June2013]

Amber's Journal

Sake you are doing great. You're right, being AF doesn't make life all rosy, we still have to deal with crap, but how much easier is it dealing with crap when you have your wits about you. When you have the energy required to actually deal with it instead of blur it away.

I too hid my drinking well. No one thinks I needed to quit. No one knew. We know, though, don't we? We know one drink will never be enough and once you start down that slippery slope it's a messy one. I don't ever want to go through that withdrawal process again, do you? Well there's one sure way of avoiding it, right?

I wonder if you might want to start a list of the rewards of being AF? I'm betting it's a lot longer than you think! Have you lost some weight? Do you sleep better? Getting more done around the house?

Your vacation is around the corner, have you got a plan in place? What will you drink? What activities can you do when you used to be drinking? Is hubby on board for an AF vacation?

BTW congratulations on re-newing your vows, how romantic!

Hang in there and keep posting, it's a sure way to stay on track!

[Sake123]

Amber's Journal

Hi June - I am 100 with you...never want to go through the quitting process again. It was NOT fun! Although I was very lucky, never really had physical withdrawal symptoms. Or if I did they were very subtle. Still the mental torture of wanting to "start tomorrow" for days on end was enough.

I do not have a plan in place...I really need to think about that. For the first 8 days we will be there with another couple that drinks heavily. I know, not ideal. But my husband is not a big drinker at all. And the last week of our vacation we will be alone. The couple that do drink are very laid back and I don't think they'll give me any grief about not drinker. They love to play games. So I'm thinking..night time entertainment will be bbq's outside, walks along the boardwalk, a few card games, scrabble, yatzee...whatever to keep us entertained. I guess my plan is to do a lot of stuff during the day. IE hikes and bike rides. Making myself so tired I won't have the energy to stay up late (which is when I would be craving a drink the most).

Unfortunately, I have not lost weight. I think I might have even gained a pound or two. I went on a full out eating rampage (especially sugar) when I stopped drinking. But I'm on a low sugar/low carb plan now so hopefully that will help. But yes the sleeping AND waking up are much easier now!

[free at last]

Amber's Journal

Sake, bumping up this thread for you. When I read your post on 10-15, I hear the voice of a woman who is clear about the devastation that AL plays in our lives. One plan might be that whenever you are tempted to have a drink, you make yourself read your 10-15 post. If internet is a problem, you could print out your post and keep it in your wallet.

[looking for peace]

Amber's Journal

Sake, I missed this thread first time around. How great you sound. I'm so glad it finally clicked for you and the resolve you felt in the morning has lasted this long!

[Sake123]

Amber's Journal

Free - That is a great idea! I need to print it out and take it with me. Maybe tattoo it across my forehead (too much)? LOL! Seriously..this is a great idea.

Peace - Thanks so much!! You too...we have close to the same quit date. You have done an amazing job..especially considering the obstacles you've overcome.

[Sake123]

Amber's Journal

Day 50 - Wow...50 whole days in a row without a hangover. Without dry mouth. Without massive headaches. Without "coming to" confused and late for the day. Well ok, I'm still usually confused and late for the day but that's not alcohol induced!

I vacillate between joy and regret. I can't believe it took so many years to get a few days of sobriety strung together. I spent 8 years sober, but that was a life time ago. I was a different person then. So this feels like the first time for me. And while I embrace it; I do feel remorseful at times.

I'm going to be 45 in January and feel much older because of the years of rough living. Quitting drinking has been a wonderful thing for the most part. But life is still life...things can still get me down and I still have times where things feel overwhelming. But they do not compare to the freedom I feel! Freedom and a sense of accomplishment. 50 days is big!!! I couldn't get more than a few days strung together for many years.

So, today is a good day...no a GREAT day! I am thankful for everyone here and my 50 precious days of sobriety!

[NoSugar]

Amber's Journal

Sake, I didn't realize you were on such a big day - Congratulations!

There is no way you should cash this in on vacation! Let it grow and grow!

[free at last]

Amber's Journal

Great job, Sake. When you get tempted, like on your upcoming holiday, go back and read this thread and others you have started. You'll feel so good at how far you have come that you'll want to keep going.

My drinking started to take off at 40 and really escalated at 45-50 years of age. Only now, at 55, am I starting to believe I can live a joyfully sober life. You are smart to get out in front of AL now and stay with it.

[Sake123]

Amber's Journal

NS -Thanks!! You're right...no way would I cash that in!!

Free - Thank you for sharing. I'm glad that there is hope and that life ahead looks good!

[Sake123]

Amber's Journal

Last night I actually had like a vision or out of body experience about drinking. I was in Kauai and could feel myself in the store buying booze. I don't know why I'm giving this demon so much freaking power!!! It's like I've set myself up to fail. The truth is, I'm going on vacation. It's not like I am going to be a different person just because I'm somewhere else. I have to find a way to know that I will not drink while I'm there. I have no desire to drink now. I'm happy!!! I'm in a different world. Not even 60 days in and the difference between drinking and sober is astounding. Why can't I shake this bastard!!! What is it in my flawed thinking that is allowing my imagination to play trick on me? I know this is a very simple thing...just don't drink, period, end of story. Don't drink! Why am I so fearful of failing myself?

[Queenbug]

Amber's Journal

Hya Sake...stay strong...it is scarey but read back through this thread...you are brill!

[K9Lover]

Amber's Journal

Sake123;1575987 wrote: I don't know why I'm giving this demon so much freaking power!!! It's like I've set myself up to fail.

That's not what's happening. What's happening is that you are starving the beast and he realizes he's dying, so he's using ANY possible way to get to you, what better tactic to use than while you are asleep? The Beast is a lying bastard and will trick you into thinking that this is what YOU want...but you KNOW you DO NOT. Flip off the Beast, tell him "nice try" and stay strong my friend. You CAN do this!