It's not f*cking easy, is it?

[broken halo]

this last week has been so bloody hard. I want nothing more than to curl up with a bottle of gin and 20 B and H and say fuck it. Fuck it all. fuck your looks, your self respect, fuck your friends, your family. Fuck it. Fuck your running, fuck your self esteem.

I am a whisper away, PLEASE help

[bimble01]

It's not f*cking easy, is it?

thats what im scared of!! but youve done week well done i admire you so much,in my last pathetic quits ive got pissed and smoked my head off!!did i feel ne better???? NO NOT AT ALL please stay strong,im going for my next attemp soon x

[Guitarista]

It's not f*cking easy, is it?

Ahoy there Halo.

It's a mind game to be sure. Hang in there friend.

[MossRose]

It's not f*cking easy, is it?

BH - I know you are having a rough time right now. Did something in particular happen? How can we help?

Keep venting here - scream, yell, cry - whatever you need to do - but do not take that first drink! You know where it will lead. You have worked too hard to get to where you are now. You can get through this. Just lean on us.

[Kradle123]

It's not f*cking easy, is it?

Good morning Halo. :l

I was a whisper away last week and I made it thru for 24 hours and then gave into the WTF moment and curled up with a fifth of rum.....it was pretty awful...:upset: I felt unbelievably sick and sick and sick. I actually had to ask my husband to take over the nights activities and he has NO IDEA that I cave a time or two so this time giving in was a complete double whammy disaster...trust me.

Eat...that's my best advice. Just eat and eat and eat. Byrdie always recommends staying full and it is so true. For me this is my greatest dettermt. I am a former anorexic ( control issues anyone ) so this is a tough one for me.

Still there's no question that eating a big sandwich is so much better than lying in that bed with the world spinning and my stomach chirping and my head freezing up...

:yuk::yuk: it super sucked...
There is a thread called 'what I don't miss about drinking..' let me see if I can find it.
Dump the Gin and make tea...or juice or....a big glass of water with lemon...:h

[spiderwoman]

It's not f*cking easy, is it?

I'd second the eating, and try drinking non-alcoholic things, I drank a LOT of J20 etc out of big champagne glasses at first, kidding myself it was Buck Fizz, pathetic but it got me through Christmas and my birthday. I have made it over to the shop a few times and come home with chocoate, done deals with myself that if I can make it to 10 o clock then I will go and get wine, by then the urge has passed and thankfully I am OK the vast majority of the time.

Often it was only the thought of having to admit on here I'd cracked that kept me going, hang in there and have a :l

You know it'll be worth it

[FlyAway]

It's not f*cking easy, is it?

broken halo;1553091 wrote: this last week has been so bloody hard.

I am a whisper away, PLEASE help

Choose your "hard." Because continuing to drink is pretty damn hard too, isn't it? Isn't that why you're here in the first place? If you continue down the "hard" road of sobriety, it will all get easier. If you continue down the "hard" road of drink your life will continue to get worse. You choose.

[Darkest Diamond]

It's not f*cking easy, is it?

It is so hard yes, but you have done so well, every drink I have drunk in the last few months has caused chaos and misery, every day or week sober, however challenging, has given me some sense of order and either a glimmer of hope or a lot of hope.

You have been a great friend to me on here and I can tell you that if you did succumb to that drink you would regret it the next day or even the same night.......... stay strong, don't do it. (I do totally understand that f*** it feeling, sadly it has been my downfall on many an occasion, when I have resisted it I have felt so proud the next day.

Remember your withdrawals that went with your last drink, that could all come back, my withdrawals got worse and worse. Now I sound like I am lecturing, I'm not I just don't want you to sabotage your life!

Sending you loving thoughts, maybe you'll be happier being back at work

Darkest Diamond

[Pinecone]

It's not f*cking easy, is it?

Hi BH, sending you some support. It's all a trick, I know you know that. We are here for you and want you to be the thoughtful, supportive Halo that we know. I'm sorry you're having s tough week, life can really test us some times. Let us know how you are doing when you can.

[Londoner]

It's not f*cking easy, is it?

Sending you support too, BH.

What is causing these feelings? Boredom? Challenges getting on top of you? Motivation for something dropped? Relationship woes?

Get past this feeling, that you are experiencing now and you will come out far, far stronger. Don't let a moment of weakness ruin your progress towards a better and stronger life.

[Byrdlady]

It's not f*cking easy, is it?

From 9/26/2011

BH, I went back and found your first post from almost exactly a year ago:

Yet another monday

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am so sick of waking up hungover after a drunken weekend. Last night I drank a half a bottle of vodka, a bottle of red wine and two small bottles of cider. The night before, two bottles of wine. The night before that, I can't even remember. I don't know what's wrong with me that I want to abuse myself so badly. I am not playing this game any more, I am so sick of it.

I have a list I have taken from the toolbox thread and I am going to use this site as much as i can to help me. I have a full shift at work to get through feeling like this and I don't want to drink when I get back this evening, so I'll be logging in here. I am new but have been lurking for a while. If there is anyone out there who has logged in here feeling this way this morning please feel free to join me, I could do with some company.


This was a cry for help....you desperately wanted out of this hell of alcoholism, and you are finding that way out. It is NOT always easy, but it is 1000 times better than the person who wrote this note nearly one year ago. You don't want to be the same person a year from now, right? You want to have moved on, to where life can be coped with on YOUR terms, not ALCOHOL'S. Learning to cope is one of the biggest obstacles we have in this journey! Would I love to say 'feck it all' sometimes and escape my own head? Sure I do...but I find other ways to DEAL with it. I take a walk or pet my dog...I go to the store and buy a some deli cookies....something, ANYTHING but turn back to the despair found in a bottle. Do whatever it takes to get thru this day, BH. Nothing is worth giving up your quit...NOTHING. Protect it with all you've got. Do NOT GIVE IN to the beast that is promising relief, he is a liar and a thief and he is out to kill us. Yes, it's hard, but it is worth it to get a normal life back where the first option of relief isn't the one that's going to take us down.

You can do this....I believe in you. Byrdie

[NoSugar]

It's not f*cking easy, is it?

BHalo,

You said in the nest that if you drank, you wouldn't want our sympathy - you would want your ass kicked.

Well, you posted this message about 4 hours ago. If you drank since then, please head back to the nest and get the positive support you need.

If you haven't, then consider yourself kicked. Don't do it! Don't cash in all the progress you've made in the last couple months that far eclipsed what you were able to do in the previous couple years. You know how much harder it is to start again. Go back and read your posts that you wrote to others with a sincere heart. Those are to you, too, from your happy, sober self. You are angry and sad and ready to give up now but you have got to listen to us and to the real you - the woman we have gotten to know here.

If you're still awake, it would be great to hear how you are doing.

NS

[broken halo]

It's not f*cking easy, is it?

breathes....

thank you so much everyone. I didn't drink. What's causing this? I wish I knew. I never want to go back to that, thank you all :l:l

[Byrdlady]

It's not f*cking easy, is it?

BH, that is the POWER of addiction!!! It is the beast trying his damdest to LIVE! He is trying a last gasp to get you to cave! IT WILL PASS and you will be thrilled that you stayed the course!
Do you know how to Skype? I'll give it a try if you need to talk to someone!! xo, b

[NoSugar]

It's not f*cking easy, is it?

Thank you for posting that you are ok!

You used this place the way it must be used to succeed - you posted what you were thinking before you drank.

Stay close, ok? And let us know if your mind goes where it shouldn't again.

:l NS