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**finallydone** · September 7, 2013, 04:42 PM

The Great Relapse and ready to go again!

Hi mollyka!

I have been writing in a notebook what lead to this both physically and mentally. Number one was before my relapse I began to isolate from people again and started holding and having resentments towards others based on nothing at really. Number 2 is my diet went from great to poor in a hurry. My guard went down and I was back in what I call the sugar spiral. Drinking way to much soda and not coping with stress in a more productive matter. My relapse is really a classic example of what not to do. I feel humbled by this but at the same time hopeful we can all continue to learn from each other.

**finallydone** · September 7, 2013, 05:11 PM

The Great Relapse and ready to go again!

mollyka;1553205 wrote: You've great awareness then ...... I would identify with the isolating alright --- sugar --- less so for me....... Personally (cos I'm pretty reclusive really by nature) that's why I find AA handy for me --- it prevents me being able to isolate.... as I get to know more people at the meetings --- it would be noticed if I was missing for a couple of weeks - and that keeps me a bit accountable ---not a particular advocate of AA as such --- a lot of it I don't buy into at all --- but the face-to-face stuff is good for me.
Fair dues to you!!!

YES! That is where I really went wrong. I stopped going to meetings. I was getting so pissed at people in the AA group I was in. The dogma and the child like behavior at times I forgot why I was going to begin with. TO STAY SOBER! And it works if you just show up. It really does give a person accountability. 12 steps or whatever a person does to stay sober is the point of this whole thing. I love going to meetings. I just didn't like being force fed 12 steps. But I have come to a conclusion. I will take what I need from meetings to stay sober. It really is whatever it takes after going threw all of this in my head. Great points mollyka!

**NoSugar** · September 7, 2013, 05:25 PM

The Great Relapse and ready to go again!

Hi, FD

I don't think we have met. How long were you AF before this relapse? At what point did you leave MWO? I appreciate your willingness to document this. I want to learn everything I can about relapse - I even started a thread asking people to tell their stories.

I look forward to getting to know you.

All the best - NS

**pixie** · September 7, 2013, 06:34 PM

The Great Relapse and ready to go again!

Hi Finally, welcome back. It's good to hear that you're already figuring out where things went wrong. Like NoSugar I am keen to hear about the thought process with relapse, so thank you for posting about it. We all learn so much from each other here.

Hope things get back to normal quickly... are you still going to school?

**finallydone** · September 7, 2013, 07:54 PM

The Great Relapse and ready to go again!

NoSugar;1553219 wrote: Hi, FD

I don't think we have met. How long were you AF before this relapse? At what point did you leave MWO? I appreciate your willingness to document this. I want to learn everything I can about relapse - I even started a thread asking people to tell their stories.

I look forward to getting to know you.

All the best - NS

Hi NoSugar! I don't think we have met either on here. I had nearly 10 months AF time. I am trying to put together where it went wrong and how to avoid this again. Formulating a new plan is a tough thing after 10 months. But learning from this can be very productive for all of us. That is my hope anyway.

**finallydone** · September 7, 2013, 07:57 PM

The Great Relapse and ready to go again!

pixie;1553234 wrote: Hi Finally, welcome back. It's good to hear that you're already figuring out where things went wrong. Like NoSugar I am keen to hear about the thought process with relapse, so thank you for posting about it. We all learn so much from each other here.

Hope things get back to normal quickly... are you still going to school?

Hi pixie!! Hope you are doing good! I am going back to school in January. I am heading back to work on Monday. Thankfully my employer is very understanding for what happened and is more than willing to help me out. I feel more than grateful for that. I love my job. For whatever stupid reason I seem to love AL more at times than what a normal person should do. It is what makes AL the insidious disease it is.

**finallydone** · September 7, 2013, 07:58 PM

The Great Relapse and ready to go again!

mollyka;1553220 wrote: Shit --- I didn't actually realised that you did go to meetings!! I was reluctant to post that cos I don't want to appear an apologist for AA ---- I agree with you on every point you make. I really do 'pick and mix' with it all --- cannot argue with the 12 steps really --- as an agnostic I just leave the god bits out -- but have never gone along the way of sponsors and all that --- but I think the routine of meetings is probably more important to me than I may realise.....
I have a whole circle of 'protection' round me these days -- I go to Aftercare as well -- I was in rehab the year before last --- and I try to have a 'go to' person for most problems in my life -- it's probably over-kill - but I don't take any chances anymore --- I've been seduced too often in the past --- the 'cunning and baffling' part is too dangerous to play with!!!
It really is good to have you back --- I've always admired your posts in the past!
Must away to bed now ---- looking forward to reading more of your thoughts and findings!!!!
Molly

Cunning and Baffling words soo true! Have a great sleep Molly!

**MossRose** · September 7, 2013, 08:00 PM

The Great Relapse and ready to go again!

Hi FD - I think this thread is a great idea and I look forward to learning much from it. We haven't met yet, but hope we get a chance to know one another. 10 months AF is quite impressive. I have yet to ever hit that mark. But striving for it. So will be following this thread closely. Glad you came back.

**finallydone** · September 7, 2013, 08:08 PM

The Great Relapse and ready to go again!

MossRose;1553259 wrote: Hi FD - I think this thread is a great idea and I look forward to learning much from it. We haven't met yet, but hope we get a chance to know one another. 10 months AF is quite impressive. I have yet to ever hit that mark. But striving for it. So will be following this thread closely. Glad you came back.

Hi MossRose! Great to meet you as well. I hope what I did can be a learning tool. I really see the path where I went wrong. I am so hellbent on defeating this damn demon I will study this like a professor to see what and where it goes wrong. There two huge areas I have already I know where it went down the wrong path. Isolation and poor diet. I look forward to getting to know you.

**available** · September 7, 2013, 08:21 PM

The Great Relapse and ready to go again!

Hi Finally and welcome back. I like you find that if i am not eating right then the cravings for AL are enormous. I just need to learn to shovel that food in and not worry about weight gain. Before eating was the last thing on my mind, give me AL and i just didnt eat. No wonder i was shaking all the time. We need to be vigilant with AL but you are back and at the best place to be of course.

**finallydone** · September 7, 2013, 08:26 PM

The Great Relapse and ready to go again!

available;1553264 wrote: Hi Finally and welcome back. I like you find that if i am not eating right then the cravings for AL are enormous. I just need to learn to shovel that food in and not worry about weight gain. Before eating was the last thing on my mind, give me AL and i just didnt eat. No wonder i was shaking all the time. We need to be vigilant with AL but you are back and at the best place to be of course.

Thank you very much I appreciate the welcome back!

**treetops** · September 7, 2013, 08:33 PM

The Great Relapse and ready to go again!

Hi there. This is a great thread. I am not intending to relapse but this past week have been extra vigilant about things that are irritating me. I have had to be in contact with 'normie' drinkers and that's been annoying. Normally it does not bother me but the smugness of some swirling their expensive wine in big glasses bores me. I think being an addict and being sober is also humbling - it's a leveller that's for sure

Sorry I got off-topic but I will watch with interest for insights into relapses. I think tiredness, stress and in my case - not enough alone time (so isolation is not the issue for me) are things I must watch out for in case the beast tries to say 'hey I can help just drink my poison'. No way!!!!

**finallydone** · September 7, 2013, 08:42 PM

The Great Relapse and ready to go again!

treetops;1553270 wrote: Hi there. This is a great thread. I am not intending to relapse but this past week have been extra vigilant about things that are irritating me. I have had to be in contact with 'normie' drinkers and that's been annoying. Normally it does not bother me but the smugness of some swirling their expensive wine in big glasses bores me. I think being an addict and being sober is also humbling - it's a leveller that's for sure

Sorry I got off-topic but I will watch with interest for insights into relapses. I think tiredness, stress and in my case - not enough alone time (so isolation is not the issue for me) are things I must watch out for in case the beast tries to say 'hey I can help just drink my poison'. No way!!!!

Hi treetops! You raise up one of the most important things of avoiding relapse. The resentment towards others who can "so called drink normally". This is such a important thing to discuss. I am working on a blueprint of issues on avoiding relapses and the mental and physical side of it. Let's not forget one other key and huge competent the social side. This is not my thread this is everyone's. We learn from each other. Voicing our frustrations in sobriety is what we need to do to stay sober. I am excited that we can learn and give each other tools to make it stick. Thank you treetops. You raised a great point in recovery.

**treetops** · September 7, 2013, 08:43 PM

The Great Relapse and ready to go again!

Just remembered a relapse in the past. about 6 years ago I had 9 months AF under my belt and started drinking on a long haul flight when I was upgraded to business class. That was really an excuse for me I think. I did not do anything terrible or go on a binge but over the next few years gradually 'upgraded' my tolerance for AL to earlier levels.

during the past 11 months of my sobriety I have also travelled a lot and had many opportunities to drink. But I was on guard and made sure I ate and drank lots of AF things. And kept busy with some fun things. I also kept a supply of Antabuse on hand in case I felt I would be tempted.

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