How did I get here? So lost...and alone.

[oakley]

How did I get here? So lost...and alone.

I have 3 sons...one is 15 and two are 12

[MossRose]

How did I get here? So lost...and alone.

Oakely - you have the right attitude. If you read the exchange between NoSugar and me, you will see that she was gently reminding me that I need to put myself into the equation too. Yes, my sons were a major reason I decided to quit, but I did it for myself too.

I'm recently divorced after 17 years (it was final last week) so I do understand how it feels to lose yourself in a marriage and motherhood. It's not wrong to feel that way, it's human. I'm trying to rebuild my life now. It's scary and exhilarating at the same time. I'm sure you understand. Wow - twins must have been a handful when they were younger. Hat's off to you.

I'm sorry you are in an ugly place right now, but maybe you can use that as a springboard to a new life. Figure out what it is that you need to change and start from there. Knowing what you don't want is half the battle. From now on, try to envision the future you desire - stay focused - and try to kick AL to the curb. Stay close to us. We're here for you.

Avail - you make me laugh. Paranoid. Who me??? LOL. Have a great day!!

[oakley]

How did I get here? So lost...and alone.

And yes, I agree about needing to be single right now. I have some issues to deal with and don't need to complicate my (or anyone else's) life at this point.

My mind is reeling right now...so much going on in it. So much I want to say and ask but don't know where to begin. Reading the threads here is helping me find some clarity...so many of the thoughts and experiences posted resonate. I'll keep reading and hope to make some sense of what is going on in my head.

[available]

How did I get here? So lost...and alone.

We do have to start focusing on us and realising we are alcoholics, there is no ONE drink for us. I wish there was sometimes but i dont miss AL most of the time. You can do this Oak for sure, if we can give it a shot so can you (no pun there).

Moss i left my husband after 17 years also, 6 years ago, and best thing i did. We are still friends and he will be at our daughters wedding. The worst thing was falling into bed and getting attached straight away but got rid of him too. Now i am finding myself and realising i am a nice person and i deserve to be happy and especially without AL. So much to live for now.

[oakley]

How did I get here? So lost...and alone.

Thank you MR...and all of you who have responded to my post. I appreciate your kind welcome and words of encouragement.

I know that wine is not my issue...it's how I deal with my issues. Redefining my life (and my family) has not been easy. I know my issues run deep...I'm thinking this community and some therapy are just what I need!

[Sake123]

How did I get here? So lost...and alone.

Hi Oakley - This is a really great forum, I'm only on day 3 alcohol free but I'll take it. I don't know if you have had a talk with your doctor? I would either find a good doctor that understand alcohol and withdrawal. I used my naturpath and she gave me very good, sound advice. Depending on how much you drink...some people can just go cold turkey. But you should never try these things unless you know yourself well enough. On my first quit I cut back a little each night until I got to my quit day. But this time around, I just decided I was going to do it.

No matter how you go about it....I wish you the very best. I will tell you what I keep telling myself. Things will get better as long as I don't take that drink.

[Icanwithoutacan]

How did I get here? So lost...and alone.

Welcome I am only on day 5 today but I have had horrible anxiety related to ocd for years. It is controlled with antidepressant now. Have you considered a med for your anxiety? I find when I drink my anxiety is worse as well as depression ... I have 5 kids - 15,14,11,8 (twins) so I know how hard it is and I can't imagine how much harder being a single mom----- but it is hardest when hungover or ashamed bc drinking -welcome and good luck......the thing that helps me most right now? This site and EATING cant stress that enough it kills my cravings very well

[oakley]

How did I get here? So lost...and alone.

Thanks Ican and Sake. No, I haven't seen a doc...I plan to this coming week. I don't drink everyday, although I have been pretty much drenched in wine this past week but can generally go a few days without. It's when the pressure gets to me that I drink. It's pressure that I put on myself, no doubt and it's always present. Depression is definitely an issue and always has been. I've never opted for meds thinking I could handle it myself...apparently not! I'm self-medicating with wine and have been since my divorce 5 years ago. I know this. It's gotten much more serious over the past two years. I stated earlier in this thread that lingering on how I got here probably isn't productive but I'm re-thinking that statement. I'm carrying a lot of baggage that I picked up from other people and it's in holding on to this that drives me to drink. It numbs the ache, ya know? Makes me forget the disappointments and pain of the past and gives me that kick of confidence I need when I'm feeling really low...well, at least the first glass or two does, then it's downhill! Lonliness is a huge thing with me as well...I have trust issues and find it difficult to get close to people, other than my kids. It makes for a lonely existence. I tend to shut people out and retreat into my own little world with my bottle of wine. Thank you for the advice...and yes, eating is definitely something I don't do enough of...kills the buzz.

[available]

How did I get here? So lost...and alone.

Oak do you work? I am a homebody also and god i didnt mind drinking on my own and saved the embarrassment of going out and getting shattered. AL does help you self medicate but for the wrong reasons but oh it felt so good at the time. god the next day and wanting a drink so the shakes stopped and feeling like total crap. Makes me wonder how i functioned. My kids are my world too but they dont like seeing their mum drunk all the time, the only positive is that they arent really drinkers thank god.

Food now what was that i wonder. If you ate you had to drink more. My boys are loving it that i am cooking everynight again and for someone you hated cooking I actually dont mind it. Maybe i hated cooking as it cut into my drinking time.

[oakley]

How did I get here? So lost...and alone.

Yes, I work. I work early mornings and am home by noon. It's easy for happy hour to start by 1 with my schedule.

[available]

How did I get here? So lost...and alone.

We all have our hour to start drinking. Mine was thinking i deserved a drink about 4ish and then stop at the bottleshop at 5ish and then drink. Every morning i would say i was not going to drink and by the afternoon i bloody deserved one. FFS what was i thinking.

[witts end]

How did I get here? So lost...and alone.

hello oakley
I'm glad you surived last night
I have triplet boys plus another 2 and a girl ......for me boys were easier till the boys met girls
then I lost the plot when they turned 18 .....started drinking ....had 4 daughter inlaws at once
Now i can grin and hand them back (grandchildren) especially when they ask HOW DID YOU DO IT
I remember running into a girl who had 1yr old triplets while out shopping one day and said I had triplets ....well she yelled out at the top of her voice to her husband (who was way over the other side of the shop) and said hey she had triplets and she survived

You have come to a good place it isn't going to be easy but you have to have the right mind to keep trying to be af .....we all have tried more than once .... but you have to keep getting up and trying

available i can totally relate .....now i have to find something else to do at 4-5 o'clock
I have been drinking a lot of lemon water which helps with the cravings

sorry oakley I'm rattling on here ......we all get carried away at times
just keep coming and posting and get to know everyone here ... it helped me to be accountable and we do have the choice as to wether to drink or not and also just take it one day at a time ....just baby steps

[oakley]

How did I get here? So lost...and alone.

Thank you Witts. Don't apologize for rattling on...it's all helpful in making me feel connected. I wrote my story in another forum after reading what others have shared. Others' words gave me courage to unload how I feel...it's hard to write it and post it because I keep it bottled up and always have. This is the first time I have truly opened up. I'm thinking it has to be harder keeping it all inside.

[spiderwoman]

How did I get here? So lost...and alone.

Hi Oakley, when I joined here I was advised to treat myself as if I had flu, lots of fluids, light meals and rest. Wine was my drink of choice and I was lucky in that I didn't have too many withdrawals but by the end of day 2 I felt as if I could sleep for the rest of my life and that lasted quite a few weeks. Try to go with what your body demands and remember HALT - don't get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired. You are doing yourself the biggest favour possible.

Sylv

[oakley]

How did I get here? So lost...and alone.

I feel as though I have the flu. I'm tired, I'm achy and my gut feels rotten. I haven't eaten in two days...I know I should but nothing appeals to me. I feel as though I could crawl into bed and sleep for days. I know though, that's not an option...have laundry to do, grocery shopping and house work and oh, did I mention I'm moving? Thank god I have the month to do it gradually. My focus here is to accomplish all of this without wine. It's so easy to pick up a bottle and sip while I putter around. I know though, I'll only putter for so long before I'm totally shitfaced and passed out in bed with merely half of my to do list done. My poor kids...they're counting on me and I can't even count on myself! Ok, stop whinning...off to hit the shower and accomplish something...the most important thing being, no wine!