The realization

[Sake123]

The realization

Fisher - Welcome! I just started myself but wanted to say hello. The people on this forum have helped me SO much. Just stay focused and know that with each passing day...you will feel better. Just don't drink...one day, one minute, one second at a time.

[Fisher80]

The realization

I am through the first night after the big decision. It was not very nice. I managed to sleep some 3 hours maximum and was just shivering and shaking in bad dreams till the morning. But it is still 3 hours more sleep than the night before. So, day 2 here I come!

My wife and kids (son 3.5 years, daughter 11 months) are away for a couple of weeks. They come back on Monday and my only hope is to surprise them with a day-7-daddy. They have never seen it.

Again, thank you all! You are such an inspiration for me. I will keep coming back here, whatever happens. One day I hope to help out others like you are helping me.

[3June2013]

The realization

Fisher you can do this. Your family needs a dad and a husband who is in the moment, aware and most of all happy.

[Fisher80]

The realization

3June2013;1554749 wrote: Fisher you can use this as your own accountability thread or as a way to look back on your first days and reflect. Yeah, I know that tomorrow or the day after I will feel almost OK and the craving for booze will start to take over again. I will come to this thread thread and remind myself how insecure and unhappy I actually felt.

3June2013;1554749 wrote: I've been away a lot lately and missed a lot, but I wanted to welcome you and to say a plan is really important. Have you removed all the booze from your house? Do you have enough delicious alternative drinks? Snacks? Thanks, 3J. I got rid of all alcohol yesterday. My fridge is completely empty, as you would expect after days of drinking, but I plan to fill it up today. Maybe even cook something ... I have a couple of books I have tried to start reading for ages, but I am always drunk when I read, so I always have to start all over again the next time.

3June2013;1554749 wrote: Is there anyone you trust enough to tell?

I suppose I have to talk to my wife about how I feel about my drinking and how big of a problem it actually is. She sees it basically every day, but she doesn?t touch the subject, because it usually makes me angry. But this talk takes a bit more guts than I have on day 2.
3June2013;1554749 wrote: Can you avoid social situations that involve drinking for a little while?

I really don?t want to. But it always starts again with a couple of beers with friends. So, I will try miss these events for a short while. It?s funny though - I have anyways been missing many events lately. Simply because I am too hungover from the previous party and prefer to drink at home.
3June2013;1554749 wrote: Can you devise an answer to the question when someone offers your drink?

I?ve tried to go with "I am driving" lately. I had the same excuse last Thursday and then left my car parked somewhere in the city and still haven?t recovered it. Waking up next day, dying in hangover and your car not around (I live a bit out of the city, so I depend quite a lot on my car) is even worse than just apocalyptic hangover. Maybe it works better next time.

[3June2013]

The realization

Fisher keep reading, keep posting, there are so many people here who can help, and the more you think about this the more sense it makes, right? Once you're over the rough patch at the beginning your life will become so much easier and you will be a happier man. That in turn rubs off on everyone around you.

Keep working on your plan.

[gambler]

The realization

Fisher80;1554650 wrote: I am through the first night after the big decision. It was not very nice. I managed to sleep some 3 hours maximum and was just shivering and shaking in bad dreams till the morning. But it is still 3 hours more sleep than the night before. So, day 2 here I come!

My wife and kids (son 3.5 years, daughter 11 months) are away for a couple of weeks. They come back on Monday and my only hope is to surprise them with a day-7-daddy. They have never seen it.

Again, thank you all! You are such an inspiration for me. I will keep coming back here, whatever happens. One day I hope to help out others like you are helping me.

Hello Fisher this is Dave..

I know that im new here but I felt the need to post on your thread.

This will be my 2nd Full day AF. I went through the same thing basically last night. 3 hrs sleep, I didnt have the trembles, I have not eaten in almost 36 hours, Stomach kinda aches but its probably lack of food. Anxiety and slight depression ( but thats been going on for a little over a month since the Wife took our 2 Boys 7 and 9 to live with her parents ) so I dont know if it was being AF or from missing the kids. Kinda fuzzy (lack of sleep im sure).

I actually told the wife to keep the kids away for 5 days ( so I can go through whatever WS I get ). While I do talk to them on the phone .. it cant be for long or it gets too much to handle.

I found this site 30 hours ago. So far I have read All of the toolbox posts .. about 250 Pages or more of threads ( not every post of course ) and what I found is a plethora of not only information but other people that are in the same realm of situation that I am in. It really does help to hear encouragement and POSITIVE advice particularly in these threads.

Things that I have found Very helpful are ..

1. Read man .. read the threads. If you open a thread and find that it is uncomfortable for you then close it down and move on.

2. Write .. Post up how you feel. Write about anything.
2.a. This helps me focus on the moment.

3. Forget about Any negative about the past. Just let it go. I know I made lots of mistakes in the past .. but I have to move on.

4. Relax ! .. just relax and breath. Try not to stress out.

We CAN do this. Your not Alone !

Dave.

[Fisher80]

The realization

Thanks, guys. Thanks a lot, Dave. I have never felt so much support in my life on this issue. Even my best friends around me do not understand, how serious this disease is. Well, I have never really tried to explain either, too ashamed for that. They obviously realize, that I am drunk on most parties, but they have no idea of how much I drink alone. I?ve also missed a lot of events lately and taken too many days off on really short notice (like sending text same morning ). Therefore I don?t think my only hobby is really big secret anymore.

That is why I am here and reading as much MWO as I can. I still felt a bit too crappy today to work properly, so I was spending most of the time reading.

I am finishing my 2nd day now. It is 10pm and I have no booze at home, so it looks relatively safe. Sweating has been a lot milder for the second part of today. Hands are still shaking a bit and the heavy feeling in the chest is still present, but it is a lot better than yesterday. I also do not have any real interest to do anything yet. I went to the movies to not sit at home alone, but did not enjoy it really.

I read some 20 pages of Toolbox. Very helpful indeed. I am just starting to find it really difficult to grasp that I want to NEVER drink again. I would honestly love to, sometimes. Just a very little bit. Pint or two max. But history has shown hundreds of times that I am not made for these tricks and every attempt is ending up worse and worse.

So, Dave, i agree that we can do it! I?m glad to start this journey with all of you, guys.

[gambler]

The realization

Fisher80;1554932 wrote:

I also do not have any real interest to do anything yet. I went to the movies to not sit at home alone, but did not enjoy it really

Same thing with me Fisher.

Basically when I started AF 2 days ago I decided to not put any undo stress in my life.

I wake up ( whenever that might be ) and tell myself that my body can do whatever it wants to do.

Wanna sleep ? ok body sleep.
Wanna eat ( rarely right now ) ... then go eat.
Wanna go for a drive .. go for it.

Do whatever you want to do Dave but you can not do One thing. Pretty much anything else is open season.

I find myself more relaxed right now when I just go with the flow more or less and keep the stress out of my life.

Like last night .. here we go again .. goto bed at 11am .. 1 comes 2 comes next thing its 5am and not a single wink. I started to stress out and then stopped myself and said "oh well screw it .. ill get sleep when my body is tired enough to sleep"

This might not be for everyone though.

Keep on keeping on man.

Dave

[Sake123]

The realization

Fisher...you're doing great! I'm so glad you're out here posting and reading. I'm only on day 7 but I can tell you that every day I feel more hopeful, more relaxed and MOST grateful!! Alcoholism seems to be such a lonely thing..but I feel that this forum and the people on it are a true gift. We can do this together!!

[Softy]

The realization

Getting free of the booze is something you have to take personal responsibility for, but that doesn't me you are alone. The beauty of this place is you can say things to people you will never meet in real life and get it all off your chest without being judged. It may be that you and I are best friends with a secret each and we don't realise, or more likely we are not acquainted outside of MWO. It matters not. The sharing is all. Problem shared is a problem halved and all that malarkey....





:H

[Fisher80]

The realization

Day 3 starting here My sleep was still bad, but it seems to be getting better. I watched some inspirational TEDx talks by Brene Brown (I found links from MWO) and got to bed at 11pm. Slept from 1am to 4am and then woke up from a really bad dream, half paralyzed and heart beating like crazy. It took a while to calm down but I still managed to sleep from 6am to 7am.

Thanks for your kind words, guys! I am starting to understand that my life is not utterly and entirely lost and wasted. Sure, I have broken things irreparable and lost things irreplaceable, but I can still turn this into something wonderful.

If my life is a bus driving through picturesque countryside of people and events and feelings ... then I am tired of being that groggy guy sitting in the back row with a 12-pack, tired, but unable to sleep it off. I?d actually like to drive myself a bit. Maybe stop here and there and check how does it feel outside. Through the window it looks like I might enjoy it.

[broken halo]

The realization

Fisher, it is great to read that you are feeling bit better and are on to day 3. You sound so much more positive and hopeful too. Well done, I am very happy for you!

[gambler]

The realization

Morning Fisher

Hope you dont mind if I tag along with you.

Day 3 almost complete for me. Its like reading your thread is looking into a mirror.

Hit that day 7 before me ok.

I didnt sleep well again last night as well. 5am ... But I did sleep till 10am which felt good after being up 48 hours with a few hours here and there.

Looking forward to your day 4 post

[Fisher80]

The realization

gambler;1555403 wrote: Morning Fisher

Hope you dont mind if I tag along with you.

Day 3 almost complete for me. Its like reading your thread is looking into a mirror.

Hit that day 7 before me ok.

I didnt sleep well again last night as well. 5am ... But I did sleep till 10am which felt good after being up 48 hours with a few hours here and there.

Looking forward to your day 4 post

I need you to tag along, Dave A little bit of competition keeps me better focused. Day 3 is almost over for me also. 7.30pm, I just got home from the office, avoiding the liqueur store on the way and put the kettle on to make some tea. A movie perhaps to keep the mind busy until sleep.

It sounds pretty easy, I know, but I still feel very uncomfortable in my body and therefore the craving hasn?t started. I almost had AF beer for lunch today but then said no to myself just before ordering. I don?t think that AF beer is bad, but this is exactly how it starts every time. AF beer on day two or three, couple of real ones on the next and then boom-boom for god knows how long. I need some different approach this time. I don?t ever want to be like I was three days ago.

Tomorrow is Friday, first challenge. I have invitations to two parties. I haven?t officially refused either of these, but I suppose I will. Too early to go. Or maybe its too early not to go...?

[NoSugar]

The realization

Hi,

I was essentially a hermit for 2 months and other than meeting my personal and professional responsibilities, pretty much did what I wanted when I wanted. I didn't feel like being social and I certainly had no desire to be around alcohol. Everyone of course needs to find his or her own path but I'd say ... be a little selfish right now and do what feels right. Do whatever you want as long as you don't drink. After those 2 months, the person I used to be before getting trapped in addiction emerged, slowly at first, and eventually, I came all the way out of the shell I'd encased myself in. It's only ~5 months past that and I would say that although it has its normal ups and downs, I love my life and myself.

I like seeing men be so honest and supportive of one another on these boards. So many males I know don't reveal much of themselves in real life - especially to one another.

Stick together, you guys, and beat this -- It is so great on the other side!

:h NS