Already thinking about controlled drinking!!

[free at last]

Already thinking about controlled drinking!!

Dear Sake,
When I started really trying to address the damage AL was doing to me -- back in Feb and March of this year, I used to think "if only I could reach 30 days" then I might be in a better place. After reaching the 30 days in early May, I attempted to moderate and I could see the slippery slope I was descending. Then I thought "if I could get two consecutive months of AF under my belt." That might be the magic number. Truth? There is no magic number, not 7 days, not 30, not two years. You decide you will not drink again and you make it your new reality.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done -- to kill a beast that wants to control me. But slowly and surely I am starving the bastard. (For those who don't know me, I am on an international flight at least twice a month with all the free booze one could want, am required to attend dinners and cocktail parties at least twice a week, and eat a lot of meals by myself in hotels. Booze is everywhere, but I choose not to drink).

When you think about it, we don't have too much control over many things in life. But, we have control over whether we drink or not. I hope you remain strong in your convictions.

Dear Strong, great to see you posting. Sending you positive thoughts.

[Fisher80]

Already thinking about controlled drinking!!

I am no writer and English is not my native language, but:

Al just called. He had been out of town for three days and he sounded ? vacationed.

He went like ?Woohoooo, three days, man! I knew you can do it!?

?Thanks, Al ??, I said, wanting to cancel the call, but somehow unable to do it.

?Listen, I was thinking of coming back tonight. Friday and all. Want to have some moderate time? Only moderate, honestly. I mean, these three days have proved you can do it, right??

I?d be lying if I said I didn?t feel tempted. ?I ? no, I don?t think so. I mean, maybe three is enough, maybe even thousand isn?t. I just don?t know right now, Al. I feel kinda empty, you know. I seriously don?t think that spending time with you would change it. This moderate stuff has never worked really ... I need some time to think.?

He is persistent bastard, this old friend of mine. Or ex-friend, I am not sure. I know him for years. He doesn?t give up easily. And even if he does, he is back the next day.

?C?mon, man!?, his voice was raising and he sounded amused ?Friday! ? Relax and let go! ? Friday! ? Relax and let go! ? Friday! ? Relax and let go!?

I hesitated. ?No ? Im quite positive I?ll skip today. Maybe some other time??

?Aaaaaah ? ? He was running out of steam for this time. ?It is Friday, man ? weekend is starting. What else you gonna do? Sit at home? Alone??

?Yeah, I suppose. Clean up after our last meeting ? wash the dishes, do the laundry, throw out all the trash that I still lying around. Maybe watch a movie after that. Drink tea. You know, just relax.?

?Boring, man. Really, boring. Don?t be so boring, man. You know we gonna have loads of fun.?

I did?t answer anything.

?OK, I respect your choice. Relax then. Listen, I will call you again tomorrow. Afternoon. Is that OK??

I hesitated again. ?Better don?t, Al. I prefer boring, if fun is what we had last time.?

And I hung up the phone.

It is difficult to say no to an old friend, whom you probably don?t want to meet anymore ? but you are not sure. And he calls again soon anyway.

[free at last]

Already thinking about controlled drinking!!

Very clever Fisher 80. I will remember to have this conversation with AL when he whispers in my ear. Thanks!

[3June2013]

Already thinking about controlled drinking!!

Fisher, I love your conversation. Would you consider adding it to the tool box? I think it is very worthy.

sake I too tried to moderate for years. Negotiating constantly. Only wine, only beer, only weekends, only when I'm out, only some other BS it was all a farce. I can not moderate. I will never be happy with one glass of anything. When I get that nostalgic romantic feeling for a drink I think past the first to the last. I think of how it will feel to be staggering around the house, going to bed and passing out, the room all spinny and me all sweaty, waking up feeling like hell...worrying about whether I texted or facebooked something stupid.

I will never have to worry about that again, because I don't drink.

I'm halfway through a four week vacation, enjoying every AF moment of it. I am so grateful that I quit back in June, having that time under my belt has made it so much easier to enjoy my time off instead of torture myself about what I thought I might be missing. You see, when you're sober, you don't miss a thing!

[Sake123]

Already thinking about controlled drinking!!

Hey Everyone...for some reason I missed all the latest activity on this post! Fisher - I love your post!! And everyone else, such words of wisdom. The place we are going is a repeat visit. We have been going there almost yearly since 95. So I will have to find NEW ways to enjoy an old place. It's ok though..My daughter asked if I'd ever seen a sunrise. I told her, let's wake up early on vacation and we can watch the sun rise on our deck...over looking the pacific. With a nice cup of kona coffee and she can have some orange juice. Hangover is not invited!! We are going with a couple who are big drinking buddies of mine. We made the arrangements and bought the tickets before I decided to quit drinking so I'm going to have to tackle that as well. But the bottom line for each and every one of us is this "Either we choose to drink or we choose not to drink." really that's it, isn't it? I mean not much room for moderation. I have done what everyone else has done. I've always been a vodka drinker but after a while of drinking it straight, I started mixing it, then switched to wine. Doesn't matter! It's all the same!!

[TJAF]

Already thinking about controlled drinking!!

little beagle;1555377 wrote: I've looked too. One drink of something I don't like and I'm next door buying something I do like. No willpower after one drink. That's my problem. A nice relaxing af vacation sounds like heaven to me right now. I wish I had that luxury.

I hated vodka (loved Scotch) but that didn't stop me from drinking a a bottle every night. Ive seen too many other alcoholics switch to wine (my old boss for one) as if that was a good thing. it 's still booze.