Friends drinking

[Suesue]

Just wondering what level of support you guys get from your friends re not drinking? My house mate drank a bottle of wine at home on Sunday and I'm thinking she will prob keep drinking at home. She's been away for a few weeks. Now we are very good friends and while I don't think she should have her life curtailed cos of my problem I kinda would like a bit of support so I'm kinda disappointed.
Also another friend of mine while we were away for the weekend had wine at dinner both nights. She's not a big drinker but again I guess I was strong enough to resist temptation but still niggles a bit could she not have shown support for me and not drank. As I said it's my problem so I can't expect others to change their lives to suit me. Feel a bit let down to be honest tho. These girls are my twobest friends. How do you guys find friends level of support?

[broken halo]

Friends drinking

Sue, it must be so hard sharing a house with a drinker. But bear in mind, a lot of people do, and still manage to stay AL free. We can't expect those around us to change their habits. I know I can't when I was always the one pushing for another bottle of wine to be opened. This is our fight, no one elses. Stay strong :l

[Cinders]

Friends drinking

Suesue,

If it really bothers you to be around them when they are drinking, try to be around them only when drinking is not possible, or leave the room if at home and they are drinking.

It would be nice if they would curtail their drinking in front of you but if they feel it is your problem and not theirs, find a way to avoid being around them drinking.

Hang in there.

Cindi

[Sake123]

Friends drinking

Sue - I agree that it would not be easy to be around drinkers when you've quit. But I guess it's good practice as we all are going to be around drinkers at some point or another. Last weekend my husband took a shot of rum while we were playing a board game. I was a bit shocked as he's not a big drinker and knew I was trying hard to stay quit. For a minute I was pissed but then thought, well...to each his own.

[gambler]

Friends drinking

Well Sue .. I dont really have any friends. They pretty much all abandon me due to my drinking and callin up drunk sayin stupid shit etc.. and they All drank if that gives you an Idea.

But the one close friend whom is also a drinker said "Its about damn time you stopped drinking" when I told him about me quitting. This guy Never said anything to me about my drinking in the past.

If I ever had any urges that strong when Im over at his house I would just tell them "Hey look man I gotta go its been kinda a rough day for me .. and Im starting to really like a drink but I Dont want a drink even more. .. Same time same place tomarrow ?" .. plain and simple. I would not even worry about what they think or say about my premature departure. Matter of fact Im going over there tom. to play cards (yes they will all be drinking and yes I will take advantage as much as I can to make fun of them while Im sober !! lol)

But thats just me..

Dave

[C-Developer]

Friends drinking

I honestly have not told any of my friends yet. Then again, most of my true friends are hundreds of miles away back home. The glorified drinking buddies that I managed to acquire since moving to this town do not deserve much in the way of an explanation in my opinion. They stopped calling and texting me the day I stopped frequenting the bars here.

[Samstone]

Friends drinking

Sue2
it's all about your comfort level. If you don't drink, well then you just don't. The other folks that do drink, well that's their choice. If it makes you uncomfortable, you should find an excuse to take a walk, get on your computer and visit the MWO site, AA meeting, just anything that enforces what you believe. They are your friends, they should accept you for who you are.
Sam

[treetops]

Friends drinking

I guess it depends a lot on all kinds of factors - how long you have known your friends, their age, their AL consumption etc. I don't think you can expect a house mate to stop drinking because you have a problem as its their place too. You may have to find a way to negotiate some new guidelines - eg tell your housemate how much of a problem this is for you and that you would like their support and maybe ask them to not leave unopened bottles of wine around, anything like that which might tempt you. I think with practice you can become comfortable with drinking your non AL drink while they have their wine. Just ask your housemate not to urge you to have a drink - and maybe not to wave it in front of your nose (I know that sounds daft but if you enjoy the smell of wine it makes sense). The last thing you want is for your housemate to become a closet drinker!
Other suggestions here like removing yourself from the room and getting on-line to MWO or going to AA are all good.
I have to sometimes attend dinners where there is plenty of expensive wine and the conversation can drone on about it. Sometimes I take my time to go to the toilet (oops bathroom in the States! ) - or make an excuse to go to the car for a while - not because I am tempted to drink but because I am bored senseless with the AL talk and banter.

[Suesue]

Friends drinking

So my flat Mate has said wants to hand in notice so leave next month. So will be breaking lease. She said she won't refund me deposit if it's deducted. She drank wine again last night so I'm prob better off without her. I didn't say anything to her so this is our if the blue. She says she wants to save to travel. That's bullshit. She knows I'm having it tough with redundancy and pay cut talks at work. I hate her right now. I'm so angry. She is a selfish cow to do this to me at this time she's no friend. We have been friends over 20 years I can't believe she would do this to me right now.

[little beagle]

Friends drinking

Sue many people are incredibly insensitive about alcohol. Are they jealous? Just rude? I don't know. First they tell us we have a problem. Do something. When we do something then they complain we are no longer any fun. Alcohol makes people act so selfish. I'm so sorry you are in this situation. But please don't give up over someone else's unfeeling, selfishness.

[Sake123]

Friends drinking

Sue - I'm sorry to hear this. I'm sure it isn't going to be easy when they don't give proper notice. If there is any way possible...try to see this as a positive thing. yes, the money impact will not be pleasant but you can use this time to find another mate that will be better for your journey. Maybe someone who doesn't drink at all. There is always a silver lining, even in the worst situations. Try to focus on the positive and like little beagle wrote, don't give up over someone else's selfishness.

[Suesue]

Friends drinking

Thanks. Just feel let down and also wondering was I that bad? No I wasn't. She's just selfis and unsupportive. I think this is th last straw for our friendship. Real friends don't act so selfishly say they will support yiu then abandon ship when I've been doing so well off drink 33 days. Guess its times like this yiu learn who your real friends are. Who will support yiu and who are just there for when the going is good. I'm down but not out. Thanks guys x

[Sake123]

Friends drinking

I lost a good friend because of roommate issues...it was for the best. She played games and I just wasn't into that. She was astounded when I called her out on it, and then said she was moving out. Which was fine, life got a whole lot better once she left. But I do understand how you feel. I was very hurt, but as I said, it turned out to be for the best.

[Suesue]

Friends drinking

Thanks sake yes it hurts esp when it's a long time friend but she's let me down before and shown selfishness so I guess things happen for a reason and I won't let this knock my resolve. I will be better off not living with someone who is not supportive and to encourage me to not drink and then twice drink a bottle of wine infront of me is selfish so I don't need her in my life just real friends. Being AF is an eye opener alright. X

[Samstone]

Friends drinking

Hey Sue2
I am sure you're thankful that it wasn't a marriage... that's what happened to my first marriage (like many others here), sure am glad my wife now was more tolerant of my shenanigans and now enjoys my "lovely" sober self.

Good for you sticking by your sobriety.