I'm back :( warning, long..

[available]

I'm back warning, long..

Big hugs Daya they say "time heals all wounds".

I think drinking slowly becomes an addiction that can turn into an illness. It took me to starting to feel that i was becoming sick in my body and mind that I knew it was time to stop or try and stop. The next course was to become a "full blown alcoholic" and die like my brother did from AL related disease.

I can not moderate, the only handle i have for that is "on" and i forget where to turn the AL "off".

I hope you are feeling ok today and on AL.

[Daya]

I'm back warning, long..

Hi folks, well after two sober nights and days..I feel calmer, still upset about my friend (who emailed he misses me) and worried about my company.

Funnily enough, I dont feel like drinking at all...I think it may be one of those rock bottom moments. I know that the option has been removed, first time i have actually felt this.

So..we will see...no grand proclamations, just the knowledge it HAS to change.

[available]

I'm back warning, long..

Good to hear Daya and congrats on you two days. It gets better and better. Day 25 here and who would have thought. Did you reply to the email? If he emailed he is worried about you which is good.

I got to your stage of feeling rock bottom, blacking out at my nieces 21st from AL, i know that was my changing moment for me. Just keep remembering why you are not drinking. Everytime i have an urge i think of that and so will not go back to there.

Keep going it is great to hear.

[Daya]

I'm back warning, long..

Very true Available...It took me about 6 years to really develop a habit, and for the last 2 I have been trying to get a grip on it. My father also died of AL related diseases.

available;1560249 wrote: Big hugs Daya they say "time heals all wounds".

I think drinking slowly becomes an addiction that can turn into an illness. It took me to starting to feel that i was becoming sick in my body and mind that I knew it was time to stop or try and stop. The next course was to become a "full blown alcoholic" and die like my brother did from AL related disease.

I can not moderate, the only handle i have for that is "on" and i forget where to turn the AL "off".

I hope you are feeling ok today and on AL.

[Daya]

I'm back warning, long..

Yes, I emailed I missed him also, , and left it at that. I think the blackouts are super scary...How did you niece react? The thing is, its such a big drinking culture in this country..that its almost acceptable to do that.

available;1560904 wrote: Good to hear Daya and congrats on you two days. It gets better and better. Day 25 here and who would have thought. Did you reply to the email? If he emailed he is worried about you which is good.

I got to your stage of feeling rock bottom, blacking out at my nieces 21st from AL, i know that was my changing moment for me. Just keep remembering why you are not drinking. Everytime i have an urge i think of that and so will not go back to there.

Keep going it is great to hear.

[Daya]

I'm back warning, long..

An Update

Hi Folks,

I thought id post an update. I did stop drinking for about 3 weeks, then gradually started having 1 or 2 in the evenings. It hasn't built back up, and I have been at about 4 big drinking work social events, and kept it to 2 wines. My friend who dumped me over the drinking incident, forgave me and I haven't taken that lightly.(He has been at these work events with me, and I didn't want to let him down) .

So far there hasn't seem to have been any horrible ramifications work wise from my blackout evening. In hindsight, and with some further investigation, I think either my drink was spiked that night, or the medication I am on , which I took much later than I normally do, affected the amount I had to drink. Either way, it was, and still is, a huge wakeup call.

I have actually more or less stopped drinking altogether lately, as hubby and I are going through very difficult finical times, and its been very stressful. Ive noticed this about myself before, when i get really stressed, I tend to cut back or stop, as I need to be firing on all cylanders to cope with it.

TBH...as much as I love? drinking..I'm getting bored with it I think. Its always just so predictable, and even if there isn't a huge fallout, I always feel like crap physically/ emotionally/ mentally after just 2 wines.

Ive also been doing "the work" of byron katie on drinking, as in : I have no power to resist alcohol? And asking myself is it true?

I used to work as a facilitator of this work years ago, and found it to be really powerful. As in , I dont think people have a drinking problem, we have a thinking problem about drinking

So thats where Im at

[available]

I'm back warning, long..

Hi Daya good to hear from you and glad things are better, well except for the financial bit.

I am back to day 12. Mother down for a month and a half, daughters wedding, started with a wine or two and then progressed, not to what i was but i could see the habit forming again. I just realise I cannot drink anymore or moderate. God i hate that word lol.

Glad you friend and yourself have patched things up, we all need friends for sure. Love the way you say you were getting bored with it, like bored with coke, i like that as seems when you get bored with something you stop. God help your hubby if you get bored with sex lol.

I think i have a drinking problem and that is due to the fact that once i start i cant stop until i am blind and pass out but one day i would like to think i could have a drink without it being a problem if that makes sense.

So glad to hear that life is better and no real fallout from the bad incident. Take care Daya and lovely to have an update.

[Guitarista]

I'm back warning, long..

Nice to see you back Daya.

For me, educating myself (often through trial and bloody error but also lot's of great reading here) about what my relationship with grog is, has been enlightening and very useful. Knowing how it works with my body chemistry, my thinking, my environment, genes, personal history helps me understand what is actually happening to me when i drink, or don't drink, and why. I'm finding this knowledge/info very helpful as i quit. Am i waffling again?

Hope to see you getting involved around here. All the best on your journey friend.

G bloke.

[Daya]

I'm back warning, long..

Hi Available,

its an insidious thing the way it builds up, isn't it? I haven't been slaughtered drunk...but the constant depression and anxiety and just generally feeling blah and unmotivated is what gets to me. I also find it difficult to stop at just 1 or 2, and the whole mod thing? Its such a drama, when can I drink, how can I drink, what can i drink? It just does your head in. Plus, after 2 drinks, are judgment gets skewered, and then the old addicted neurons kick into there predictable groove.

The crazy thing is, for years i used to drink normally, would go out with friends, have a few, and never had an issue with it.

It was also NOT a big daily part of my life then, I never had alcohol in the house, just wasn't part of my reality, or I would have a bottle of wine in the cupboard for months in case friends who drank popped in. My friends at the time didn't drink much also. Its the whole thing being with hubby and having it always around that slowly started the booze lifestyle.
Congrats on day 12 Available !!!! I think that's awesome!!!

Im not sure also at this stage about the being able to have just 1 drink thing..I can do that sometimes, but more and more i am realizing that I like who i am sober.

I've also been asking myself questions when the urge arises , as in: Would a drink really make this present moment better? What is lacking in this present moment that i need to alter / add to? I have always had the theory that addiction mainly lives in the mind in the future, that first the thought comes, I want "it" then the bodies reaction follows as a craving, then the mind creates a reason to have it. This can be very quick and fleeting..and if we can question it when it arises, it seems to help.

Keep up the good work Available, life really is too short to waste it on being less than we can be

available;1597999 wrote: Hi Daya good to hear from you and glad things are better, well except for the financial bit.

I am back to day 12. Mother down for a month and a half, daughters wedding, started with a wine or two and then progressed, not to what i was but i could see the habit forming again. I just realize I cannot drink anymore or moderate. God i hate that word lol.

Glad you friend and yourself have patched things up, we all need friends for sure. Love the way you say you were getting bored with it, like bored with coke, i like that as seems when you get bored with something you stop. God help your hubby if you get bored with sex lol.

I think i have a drinking problem and that is due to the fact that once i start i cant stop until i am blind and pass out but one day i would like to think i could have a drink without it being a problem if that makes sense.

So glad to hear that life is better and no real fallout from the bad incident. Take care Daya and lovely to have an update.

[Daya]

I'm back warning, long..

No G, Man,
your not waffling. :heart:

I also have found educating myself on the process you describe very helpful...I think that this is something we have to do to change our lives. As in changing any habit, it needs things to replace it, otherwise we are stuck in what is described as the "dry drunk" stage.

Plus, my alcohol addiction/ problem drinking, whatever name it has for me, has been one of the most life changing and challenging things I have ever gone through, and i want to learn from the experience of it, to see it as my friend and teacher, NOT an enemy, on its own, alcohol does nothing, its just a liquid that sits in a bottle, its my relationship to it that grants it a special status.

And as in any relationship, for there to be change, there first has to be understanding as to the nature of the relationship.

Now I'm waffling

Guitarista;1598020 wrote: Nice to see you back Daya.

For me, educating myself (often through trial and bloody error but also lot's of great reading here) about what my relationship with grog is, has been enlightening and very useful. Knowing how it works with my body chemistry, my thinking, my environment, genes, personal history helps me understand what is actually happening to me when i drink, or don't drink, and why. I'm finding this knowledge/info very helpful as i quit. Am i waffling again?

Hope to see you getting involved around here. All the best on your journey friend.

G bloke.