What have you gained??

[Sake123]

What have you gained??

Yes - I love everyone's views on the subject. I am learning that life hasn't changed all that much...just the way I am in it. Gambler - I love making new friends. But I'm afraid that some old ones are going to fall to the wayside. Drinking buddies don't stay drinking buddies for long when you stop drinking.

but what I've gained FAR outweighs any losses.

[Samstone]

What have you gained??

gains: composure, health, sleep, time, and Gambler, I agree, a great new set of friends here.
Awareness of getting older without the melancholy. The desire to be grateful and kinder.

losses: the need to be drunk and all the bullshit that goes with it.......

[gambler]

What have you gained??

Sake123;1560822 wrote: Yes - I love everyone's views on the subject. I am learning that life hasn't changed all that much...just the way I am in it.
You know what .. your right Sake and I never even thought of that until your post. A defined change in Perception ! There are definitely changes in my perception leaving me with no choice on how to interact with life on a whole new level.. thanks man

There is No comparison on the scale of gains and losses .. In fact I think my scale just broke

Samstone;1560832 wrote: losses: the need to be drunk and all the bullshit that goes with it.......

Yea.. big loss there eh ? ohh.. I know what you mean. You mean you lost your Al life and cant find it anymore right Damn..I hate it when I lose shit. Oh well I guess we just have to find something better now :thumbs:

[Mr Vervill]

What have you gained??

Nailed it, Spiderwoman and Sanchez!

[dryer]

What have you gained??

Excellent posts, good positive stuff. I want to put a little slant here. We have gained life and with that comes stress, problems and and other "bad stuff". We can't change that, but being here and listening and being AF we are gaining knowledge on how to accept and solve and deal with life in a brand new way.

We had the sames problems, when we drank, that's life. Now I accept the problems and take off my drinking glasses and put on my new,fancy exdrinking glasses and "ah thats better,so much clearer, easier to see, hi tech too." They even come with possibility thinking. Life can't hurt me, it never did it was those damn glasses.

[dryer]

What have you gained??

Excellent posts, good positive stuff. We have gained life and with that comes stress, problems and other "bad stuff". We can't change that, but being here and listening and being AF we are gaining knowledge on how to accept and solve and deal with life in a brand new way.

We had the sames problems, when we drank, that's life. Now I accept the problems and take off my drinking glasses and put on my new, fancy exdrinking glasses and "ah thats better, so much clearer, easier to see, hi tech too." They even come with possibility thinking. Life can't hurt me, it never did it was those damn glasses.

[available]

What have you gained??

I find at the moment that my tolerance level is low but its others that have to accept the new me. I have had enough of accepting crap from other people and still being the nice one. My acceptance of being AF free is that I am free to choose what i want and i am grateful for that.

[gambler]

What have you gained??

dryer;1560975 wrote: *snip* We have gained life and with that comes stress, problems and other "bad stuff". We can't change that, but being here and listening and being AF we are gaining knowledge on how to accept and solve and deal with life in a brand new way.

We had the sames problems, when we drank, that's life. *snip*
Morning Dryer hope everything is well with you.. I dont think thats the case for me. I havent gained any more stress or problems than I had before being AF. Now that I am AF and a totally different person most of the past "bad stuff" seemed to just go away on its own because they were directly linked to AL. Now that Al is gone so are those problems.

Indeed I still have the same day to day problems to deal with.. but not a fraction of what I had before.

available;1560986 wrote: I find at the moment that my tolerance level is low but its others that have to accept the new me. I have had enough of accepting crap from other people and still being the nice one. My acceptance of being AF free is that I am free to choose what i want and i am grateful for that.

Howdies Available .. I agree to a point on the tolerance level thing. My tolerance it actually much higher when it comes to others on a whole. However just like you I no longer let others take advantage of my low self esteem. I am beginning to see how others were using my low confidence and self esteem to further Their Own agenda..Being AF has taken away their power over me leaving them uncomfortable within themselves to even be around me. Its like an "OH Shit" moment for them. They recognize that their lies and manipulations are now being reflected back at them. I hope this makes sense

[sanchez]

What have you gained??

available;1560986 wrote: I find at the moment that my tolerance level is low but its others that have to accept the new me. I have had enough of accepting crap from other people and still being the nice one. My acceptance of being AF free is that I am free to choose what i want and i am grateful for that.

I do hear you Available on the acceptance of crap from other people and always being the nice one! For me, I accepted a lot of crap over the years because my self esteem and confidence were in the toilet. My friend told me I had a big "S" stamped on my forhead. "S" for Sap. And, then to make matters worse, I over compensated by being nice probably most likely again for the same reason - didn't have enough self esteem to not care if someone liked me or not. Not so say I'm doing a 180 and becoming a witch, but because I'm not numbing myself to life anymore, I'm more aware of things that people say, actions people take, people's attempts at manipulation, etc., which has enabled me to make some better decisions and has also helped me to say "no" and mean it. Does this make sense?

[gambler]

What have you gained??

sanchez;1561017 wrote: I'm more aware of things that people say, actions people take, people's attempts at manipulation, etc., which has enabled me to make some better decisions and has also helped me to say "no" and mean it. Does this make sense?

I beat you by one minute Sanchez..We are on the exact same page

[sanchez]

What have you gained??

gambler;1561015 wrote:

Howdies Available .. I agree to a point on the tolerance level thing. My tolerance it actually much higher when it comes to others on a whole. However just like you I no longer let others take advantage of my low self esteem. I am beginning to see how others were using my low confidence and self esteem to further Their Own agenda..Being AF has taken away their power over me leaving them uncomfortable within themselves to even be around me. Its like an "OH Shit" moment for them. They recognize that their lies and manipulations are now being reflected back at them. I hope this makes sense

Ha ha Gam - Our posts crossed, but we sure are saying a lot of the same stuff. The 'Oh Shit' moment came for my husband who has been verbally abusive over the years. He can no longer make fun of my drinking to others, he can no longer belittle or undermine me, he can no longer say crap and get away with it because I have clarity now. I don't think he bargained on this happening because I don't think he thought I could really quit. Joke's on him. When I was drinking, I used wait to say something to my husband when we were alone - and it was met with - Oh you're over sensitive, or you can't take a joke, blah, blah blah.... Now, I stop him in his tracks very quickly and in the moment - others around or not. It's kind of like catching your dog doing something he's not supposed to. You have to catch them in-the-act and deal with it immediately or it's to no avail.

Other people who took advantage of my "good" nature are finding a new me as well. Some will remain friends, others will hit the road. Time will tell.

[sanchez]

What have you gained??

HA HA - Crossed Again! LOL

[gambler]

What have you gained??

sanchez;1561021 wrote: HA HA - Crossed Again! LOL

LOL .. too freaking funny .. I just knew you were typing again roflmao !

[gambler]

What have you gained??

sanchez;1561020 wrote: The 'Oh Shit' moment came for my husband who has been verbally abusive over the years. He can no longer make fun of my drinking to others, he can no longer belittle or undermine me, he can no longer say crap and get away with it because I have clarity now. I don't think he bargained on this happening because I don't think he thought I could really quit.

Here is my story with my spouse ....

The 'Oh Shit' moment came for my WIFE who has been verbally abusive over the years. She can no longer make fun of my drinking to others, she can no longer belittle or undermine me, she can no longer say crap and get away with it because I have clarity now. I don't think she bargained on this happening because I don't think she thought I could really quit. :l

Exact same thing .. I mean to the T ! I dont hold it against her though..I feel bad for her in a way. There is a change in her..its like she just lost a part of herself. Well I guess she did in a way..She lost that power over me.

[Suesue]

What have you gained??

I can make decisions better as my mind is not fogged. I feel happier in myself. I like and accept myself. I'm shy but I don't need drink to make me likeable I am already a nice person in fact drink made me a nasty person. I've gotten rid of that person. It's weird it's like I drank to be liked to be more of a fun person but it had the opposite effect. Ii never needed drink it needed me.
I look better. I've lost the wine belly. I love my sleep. I don't mind waking up in the morning. I used to dread waking up after a heavy nights drinking as I'd feel fearful and exhausted. I'm ready for every new day now. I feel so much more positive. My family respect my strength in making this decision and keeping to it. I'm enjoying spending time with them whereas before I avoided them cos of guilt tiredness and the fact all I could think of was how soon could I get away to have my next drink. It was all about the drink. It hid what was important to me. No more. I see clearly now what are priorities in my life. No more fog just clarity. I like me the sober me.