First time posting....first time seriously trying Scotland

[MossRose]

First time posting....first time seriously trying Scotland

Gene, you're doing ok. One beer? That doesn't end it, right? You stopped, and made a new plan. Glad to hear you have support at home. That's crucial. And 10/15 miles on the bike is totally inspiring. I feel like a total slacker

[Genedefekt]

First time posting....first time seriously trying Scotland

Thanks moss, natalie told me to be happy i stopped at 1 on friday as well. I didnt acheive goal of getting bike fixed. I did cook up some funky shit with prawns chorizo chicken chilli garlic paprika!! I did manage to go out and watch Filth at the cinema. However at 1pm yest i had two pints stopped cooked up an easy concotion went to cinema and afterwards about 1030pm had another two pints. But still an improvement on things thts like 5 pints in two days. Normaly thtd been at least treble in one night so headin in right direction and gettin things done tht i normally never do. Have to admit never went to bed til 3 and woke up at 830 with crazy repetitive dreams a taste in my mouth and i am up lookin around for booze. None to be had. Took my bac had a green tea. Feel bit better bit stil a fuckin naggin at my head. So dont want to spoil tbings now.

[Genedefekt]

First time posting....first time seriously trying Scotland

BH filth was excellent, really pissed masel laughin throughout. I too read the book a while back and was apprehensive about film bein a let down but was brilliant man. Felt really strange bein around a lot of people n a social environment and not bein pished to ward off my anxiety. Pleasant feeling.

You should defo go and see it

[spiderwoman]

First time posting....first time seriously trying Scotland

You stopped drinking after the one pint, then the two pints Gen, well done you! Its bloody hard but keep on trucking and you'll get there

Don't try to make too many major changes at once though, you're coping with kicking the booze, that's enough to handle at first.

[Genedefekt]

First time posting....first time seriously trying Scotland

Cheers spiderwoman. I take on board what your saying. I think it was maybe a bit ambitious of me thinking id just go AF with the click of my fingers.

No ones out of bed yet and have found some old vodka bout a quarter bottle has crossed my mind several times as im sat here to finish it off but i know that would lead to the carry out shop now tht its open and then pub when thats open and carry out shop when pub closes. Not wanting to undo relatively good work this wknd.

Never ever want to go back to the position was in last monday where the withdrawals of a four day bender of just purely alcohol no food little sleep. That was suicidal.

[broken halo]

First time posting....first time seriously trying Scotland

Hey Gene glad to hear the film was as good as the book, I must see it. I's a beautiful day here in Glasgow, I'm guessing it's much the same in Fife. That gives you plenty of options to have a good day without drinking. Have a good one!

[Genedefekt]

First time posting....first time seriously trying Scotland

Hi BH. Aye its a cracker like blue skies all round. Even just last week id hav hit the carry out shop by now music on sittin out back drinkin and as nice as that sounds im not doin it. Sunday seshs are the bain of ma life.

Yeah have a crackin day yersel

[MossRose]

First time posting....first time seriously trying Scotland

Hey Gene - glad to see you sticking so close. I know it's night time in your part of the world, but it's still evening here - and a nice one at that. Beautiful sunny and still warm, and I too have thought about how nice it would be to pour a glass of wine (my poison of choice) and sit outside having a sip or two. It's hard, isn't it? But I'm not going to do it. We'll both be happier with ourselves in the morning. Glad you are staying strong. Your girlfriend sounds wonderful. I said it in an earlier post, but support IRL is so important. Hang in there. You are doing very well.

[Genedefekt]

First time posting....first time seriously trying Scotland

Cheers Moss. Yep its difficult whn the sun is shinin bright and i think of when id sif out back with a drink.

Yeah shes great a dunno why she has such a beautiful soul, the shit iv done and put her myself and others thru wud break the strongest of people. Sure wev had time apart but are stronger than ever and shes over the moon that im trying again but with meaning this time.

Good feeling not to be either absolutely smashed trying to get the last out of the weekend or sittin vibratin with alcoholisn sweating anxiety pouring out of me trying not to think of work heart vibrating off the bed. GUILT and SELF LOATHING eating away at me.

Clearish mind, feelin hopeful.

Im gonna hit the sack (first time in a longtime witbout fear of rolling around sweating it out lying thr half awake scared til the first beam of light appears)

Thanks for keepin in touch. Its very much appreciated

[MossRose]

First time posting....first time seriously trying Scotland

You just said the magic words - "with meaning this time." Trust me - that is what she is sensing and why she is standing by you. Accept her love and be grateful. You can do this. Get a peaceful night's sleep - and when the "first beam of light appears," you'll be ready and able. Won't that be a wonderful feeling?

[Genedefekt]

First time posting....first time seriously trying Scotland

Haha FUUUUCK!!! Well this stayin straight me is a lot of bollocks!! A would say i feel disgusted but the horrible drink and chemicals are still rushin through me and i cant feel anything but i know its in the post. Disgust and then some.

Younger generation all fired up for a gig and see me as some sort of legend even though i refused drink for an hour. Fuuuuck. 12+hours session ensues.

Like a say would feel disgusted if i could feel emotion.

This is gonna be grim.

Well done on reaching day meltdown you fuckup cunt!!!

[broken halo]

First time posting....first time seriously trying Scotland

Gene, it's done. There is no point in being as hard on yourself as you are, self loathing always led me straight back to drinking.

Look after yourself today, drink plenty of water and rest. You can do this, you will feel better. Try to learn from it. What led to you taking that drink after resisting for an hour? Take care. :l