I'm about to lose everything, cannot go on like this

[spincycle]

:new: I hate 30 page posts, so I will try not to go too long. =)

I am 32, and married with a 10 months old son. My drinking is out of control, going on a year at least. I believe I have been alcohol dependent for several years, but this last year my life is spinning out of control. I have been looking for a forum for this for some time, and am really happy to hear from others with drinking problems. I went to AA about a year ago off and on but never felt good about any of the meetings I went to.I wanted them to work, but not as much as I think I wanted to drink. I left many AA meetings feeling it really felt like a pity party. In October of 2006, I went into a 12 step inpatient rehab in Texas and felt things were going good. I stayed only 10 days, against my counselors recommendation of 30 and stayed sober 30 days. At about 32, the cravings started to get me and I relapsed. A few months ago I got my Dr. to prescribe Naltrexone. The nausea I had with it was so bad I thought I would die. I still take it every once in a while, but have never gone more that 3 days. I cannot afford the shots of naltrexone, as they are 1500.00 per month.

If I cannot stop drinking soon, I am nearly about to lose my wife, baby, job, most of my friends, home, everything. I am presently drinking about 10 whiskey/soda per night.
Moderation is never possible, if I have one I cannot stop.

My liver function is very good, so I am open to any medical treatment programs. I?m also willing to try another flavor of AA if I can find a positive meeting. I struggle with depression/anxiety and have for many years.

I have a prescription anti-naseau (phenegren) that has helped a bit with naltrexone nausea. I have cut down to 12.5 mg of naltrexone to help with naseau.

Any advice, particularly medical treatment programs sure would be appreciated.
Thank you.

[Allie]

I'm about to lose everything, cannot go on like this

Hi Spin,
Your story sounds like so many here. At least you have been and are currently looking for solutions, so that's great! This program has helped so many. Have you actually started this program or have you just found the site? I would recommend following the program to a "T" since you want to abstain. Order the "kudzu" from this website, because no other brands found in stores work I have found. The one here works fantastic to reduce craving to drink. Apparently if you join the paying part of the website (which I think is 9.95 per month), you will get a bottle of kudzu for joining (24.99 value ... I know cuz I just bought a bottle!). You also get the book as well that explains the program and you can download it right on your computer and read and print immediately. So those are some suggestions to get you going, and posting and getting feedback here is tremendous encouragement. You can ask questions as you begin the program. Many have been able to abstain by using this program for the first time in their lives.

I am also reading a fantastic book that is helping me to understand how we get trapped "mentally" into this addiction, and the war that goes on between our self and the "addict" that also resides within us. I am finding this book very helpful in battling the mental war to beat this. Its a pretty quick read. It's called "The Addictive Personality" by Craig Nakken.

I also started meeting with a professional counselor three weeks ago, and am finding although I'm being forced to face uncomfortable issues, it is really helping me to "wake up" to many things. Most of us drink to fill voids in our lives. We are numbing pain rather than facing life the way we should, and I think for me getting to those root issues that led me to drinking in the first place is helping. I have a long way to go, but the journey is worth it! My counselor recommended the book I am reading, and said she has found it to greatly help many battling unhealthy attachments to any substance or behavior.

Best of luck to you...
keep sharing.
Allie

[nancy]

I'm about to lose everything, cannot go on like this

have you tried anti-depressants? won't cure the booze problem but will help you clear your head and see things in a more positive light.

[lushy]

I'm about to lose everything, cannot go on like this

Hi Spin and Welcome!!

I echo what Allie said about the book and the kudzu in particular. The other supplements are wonderful at rebalancing the brain and keeping the cravings at bay. The support here has been such a lifesaver for many. Hope you will enjoy your stay....

[paula]

I'm about to lose everything, cannot go on like this

welcome,I'm so sorry you are feeling so desperate.You have come to the right
place.I have suffered with alcohol problems for years,I also went to AA but it
was'nt right for me.I haven't tried any medical treatments,apart from topamax,
which you can read about in the mwo book,along with lots of advice about
drink problems,its a book worth reading.Your liver function may be good now
while you are young but as you get older it may not be.
I do find sharing my problems/feelings with others,especially with others who
suffer from alcohol problems is the best therapy.Nobody who dosn't have a problem
can understand why one drink is too many,if I have just one it would lead to ten ,
I would lose control,then comes the guilt,recriminations etc.
I do wish you well and know that if I can stop drinking so can you.
do keep in touch you will get lots of support from everyone here

[betty boop]

I'm about to lose everything, cannot go on like this

Hi Spin & :welcome:

This place is amazing, no one ever judges and we all understand what it is actually like to have a problem with alcohol, I once tried counselling but the girl I was sent too didn't even like alcohol!!!! How does that work then????

Anyway, it is possible, I haven't tried the meds so can't advise on that i'm afraid ....

All the best xx

[Popeye]

I'm about to lose everything, cannot go on like this

Hello spincycle.
Welcome.

[Rowland]

I'm about to lose everything, cannot go on like this

Hi Spin, :welcome:
I just want to wish you well on your journey. One day at a time. When I was 32, my organs were well able to handle the booze also, and boy did I enjoy it! However as years pushed on and I continued to drink daily the body and mind began to suffer, I almost lost my life 2 years ago. I stopped for 6months and fell again. This time with your help and that of the friends you and I will make here we can overcome. I am listening to the tips you are receiving and I am going to follow them also. We will soldier together.
Good wishes & well done.
Rowland.

[spincycle]

I'm about to lose everything, cannot go on like this

Allie,

Thank you for the advice, I surely appreciate it. I did find this site today, but may have stumbled across it once before while drunk. Today I signed up and also became a member. I paypal'ed but wonder how they will ship the kudzu since I never gave them my address. I made an appointment today to talk to my Dr. about the topomax and see where it goes. I am going to look into the addiction book you mentioned, and thank you.

Allie;122474 wrote: Hi Allie,

,
Your story sounds like so many here. At least you have been and are currently looking for solutions, so that's great! This program has helped so many. Have you actually started this program or have you just found the site? I would recommend following the program to a "T" since you want to abstain. Order the "kudzu" from this website, because no other brands found in stores work I have found. The one here works fantastic to reduce craving to drink. Apparently if you join the paying part of the website (which I think is 9.95 per month), you will get a bottle of kudzu for joining (24.99 value ... I know cuz I just bought a bottle!). You also get the book as well that explains the program and you can download it right on your computer and read and print immediately. So those are some suggestions to get you going, and posting and getting feedback here is tremendous encouragement. You can ask questions as you begin the program. Many have been able to abstain by using this program for the first time in their lives.

I am also reading a fantastic book that is helping me to understand how we get trapped "mentally" into this addiction, and the war that goes on between our self and the "addict" that also resides within us. I am finding this book very helpful in battling the mental war to beat this. Its a pretty quick read. It's called "The Addictive Personality" by Craig Nakken.

I also started meeting with a professional counselor three weeks ago, and am finding although I'm being forced to face uncomfortable issues, it is really helping me to "wake up" to many things. Most of us drink to fill voids in our lives. We are numbing pain rather than facing life the way we should, and I think for me getting to those root issues that led me to drinking in the first place is helping. I have a long way to go, but the journey is worth it! My counselor recommended the book I am reading, and said she has found it to greatly help many battling unhealthy attachments to any substance or behavior.

Best of luck to you...
keep sharing.
Allie

[spincycle]

I'm about to lose everything, cannot go on like this

Rowland,

Yes, I sure understand. When I was in rehab an older man of 65 or so told me I should consider myself lucky to have not waited so long to get help, and before I damage my organs. I can't take so much credit though, I have much older relatives who are dying or died from drinking and I cannot allow myself to die like they did. Thanks for the response buddy.

Rowland;122580 wrote: Hi Spin, :welcome:
I just want to wish you well on your journey. One day at a time. When I was 32, my organs were well able to handle the booze also, and boy did I enjoy it! However as years pushed on and I continued to drink daily the body and mind began to suffer, I almost lost my life 2 years ago. I stopped for 6months and fell again. This time with your help and that of the friends you and I will make here we can overcome. I am listening to the tips you are receiving and I am going to follow them also. We will soldier together.
Good wishes & well done.
Rowland.

[spincycle]

I'm about to lose everything, cannot go on like this

more2life,

Today will also be my first AF day, since I spent through yesterday entirely. I ordered the kudzu with my membership so I look forward to trying it. I'm about to give up entirely on trying new AA groups as I just think its not my bag either.I'll check out the chat, what time?

more2life;122483 wrote: Hi Spin,

Welcome to MWO. Have you read the research posts on the site? The Kudzu helps with the cravings, but more importantly the support you will find here is downright amazing. Lots of people sharing an addiction, but we can be honest with each other about confronting it. This site works for me; I don't think I could do AA. Stick with us Spin, and if you feel like stopping in the chat room tonight there will be a group of us in there yucking it up. Today will be my first AF day, so I will be in there until I get past the witching hour.
Take care, and enjoy that little baby.

[Guest]

I'm about to lose everything, cannot go on like this

Hi there! I have a 13 month old daughter and know how important it is to quit drinking. Today is my first day AF, I am starting the 30 day with DooDoo and all the rest of the gang.

I am also taking the supps as well; since I have not had one craving at all today I assume they are working. That's good stuff!

With everyones help here we can all get our lives back on track. That's the one thing about falling down, you can always pick yourself back up.

Best of luck to you and yours
GG

[SK8RGRL]

I'm about to lose everything, cannot go on like this

welcome Rowland! Today is day 2 for me and I have to say I am finding it incredibly hard. It just takes over everything.I usually look forward every day to the time I can start drinking.Now I'm spending all day with a feeling of dread, as tho I have lost my "crutch".I really battled with not buying any tonight.I dont know if I can do this. I do know tho that we are all in the same boat here and going through it together.

[retteacher]

I'm about to lose everything, cannot go on like this

I just ordered the addictive personality. I need it. I cannot drink just one...it has to be the whole bottle. thank you.

[Bean]

I'm about to lose everything, cannot go on like this

Hi Spin
I just posted something on another thread about not liking AA meetings and it sounds to me as if you know in your heart they are not for you. I'm not really well qualified to answer your questions having never followed a medical programme to tackle booze but going back to the meetings/support groups....I'm finding it quite wierd to have joined this online thing as I'm really more a social person who likes to meet others face to face. But, I hated sitting in those dingy rooms, listening to endless tales of prison, family breakups, multiple addictions, job loss etc. It felt very depressing and I began to feel I would rather carry on drinking and suffer the guilt and hangovers than not drink but have to give most of my week over to tales of doom! I also often felt that many of the people who attended AA were still hanging onto sobriety by the skin of their teeth, even after a long time of going because as others have posted to you, if the void we try to fill with alcohol isn't explored and filled with something more positive, it just sits there, beckoning the booze back again.
I'm really new to this forum but already I think it's something I can see myself sticking with. And the best part is you can log on for a quick 5 mins or 5 hours - whatever you need at the time.
Good luck. I hope you find the right solutions to get back on track with your family.
Bean x