want to live!

[robbie]

I feel as if I am living in 2 worlds. The one I love,then the secret drunken world. I prefer to drink alone it is safer to keep the secret ,fall down drunk ,passout,wake up see if I called any one In such a state.I feel so alone I don't want to tell any one.I did not drink for 8 years ,I started again maybe 2 years ago.my life fell apart while I was sober.I held it togather for a few years then I gave up.Started drinking , it was like having a lost freind back .I have lost control. I miss being sober. I want to feel good abuot myself.
I made a fool of myself a few weeks ago then went into a binge,(that was the most recent one it happens more often in time)so I could be numb. I want to stop! I need a safe place to share my dark side.The shamful secret I drink, and unsuccessfully hide as I get sloppyer ... Some beings in my life are pissed at me,it hurts.Others say its ok "I would drink if I was in her shoes too!" meaning my shoes.I have a hard time being around my family with out being drunk! No one talks to me about my drinking ,grew up in an alcoholic family never talked about the drinking. Some times I just want to give up life is hard. [pre]<pre class="HTML"></pre>[/pre]

[AMELIA]

want to live!

Hi Robbie,

Welcome! It sounds like you have had some hard knocks along the way and that your drinking is your 'forget everything' tool. Unfortunately though, as we all know here, if you block your feelings out with the booze, you can find yourself in a downward spiral that becomes very desperate.
This is a very safe place to share your experiences with people who have lived through the same type of stuff.
You were sober for a very long time, so you know you can do it because you already have.
It also sounds very painful to be drinking heavily around family members, who perhaps because of their own problems are unable to help you.
Come to this website as often as you can and just vent if you need to. There are lots of wonderful minds here that you can 'pick' if you want advice too.
Take care
Amelia

[cassy]

want to live!

Hi Rob
welcome ..it is knackering and soul destroying trying to live life in the darkness of alcohol addiction.sounds like you are just about fed up with that lifestyle?

you know that you want to get off the cycle of your booze pattern so here you go..... a new start.

Read for an hour or so..it gets you in the mood? gives you the support? allows you to see the similarities and hopefully gives you some ideas on how to change one step at a time!!

i noticed there are a few on here that are just planning to do TOGETHER 30 days Alcohol free..why not join them and gain their support /

good Luck Robbie...pick your goal and go boy!!!

PS. I am not being smart... i really believe this site has helped me so much.

i,ve just done some time alcohol free and am in moderating mode at present.who knows where my journey is going but it sure is a lot better than it was before i came to realise i needed to change

regards and good luck from Cassy

[retteacher]

want to live!

Robbie:

I am a binge drinker too. I don't even need an excuse. Once I'm on a roll, that's it. I want to go through life sober. Being drunk numbs me out, but it certainly doesn't solve anything. Please try to put a few days of sobriety together. I'm going to try to do that. It isn't easy, but going through life on a binge isn't any picnic either.

[Determinator]

want to live!

Welcome Robbie, and yes it's hard. Here your issues are not "dark" they are our issues too and we are no stranger. Please download and read the book by RJ when you can, and do stay in touch...tons of inspirations 'round these parts. Congradulations for wanting better for yourself. That's a really significant thing already.

[Bean]

want to live!

Hi Robbie
You sounds like you are in a lot of emotional pain and dealing with some tough things. Some good advice someone once gave me was never to try and evaluate your drinking behaviour and yourself when you are drunk or hungover (sounds obvious huh?!). Physiologically we are not in a fit state to do that at those times and need to just really nurture ourselves - have a bath, cook some good food (if you can face eating), watch some rubbish TV, get an early night. Advice that I ignored for years but whenever I don't drink for a few days, I can almost physically feel rationality coming back to my brain and the guilt subsides a bit and actually, I feel better about myself because I managed one day...and then another and then another. At this stage, (16 days AF - longest time in 20 years) part of me thinks 'Big deal - what about all those people who abstained for years?, 16 days is nothing' and another part of me is REALLY proud of myself just for making a start. It's just baby steps. If it feels too hard to quit for a week or a month or totally for the time being, just take the pressure off and go for an hour later than you normally start or just one drink less. Remember the journey begins with a single step...
Good luck and let us know how you get on
Bean x