I'm new. This weekend has me realising that I'm destroying myself. I'm 30, single and have a great career, but I just dont know when to stop. Been binging on drink for about a decade. Initially it was fun, you could remember the night out, it gave me confidence to talk to people and truthfully prior to drinking I had always found the bars and niteclubs boring. Drinking made this more enjoyable, but over the years, its become so bad...I dont trust myself...I do things like lock the door and hide my keys so that I dont go out and buy more drink when I'm drunk, making a show of myself in public. I hate waking up in the morning, and checking my fone to see who I 'drunk dialled' or walking down the street and thinking did you see me last nite bet your thinking what a state I was. its bad when you stop going to your local grocery shop because you know they are watching how much drink you buy and that no doubt you'll be back in later for more. Then theirs the fact that my family dont think its a problem that its part of life here in scotland. Just as long as I do it behind close doors they dont mind. But when I'm drunk, Im so out-going and chatty cathy. and the next day I am wracked with guilt, have done so many stupid things and hate myself inside for the situations I got myself into. Cant maintain a relationship with a guy, who wants a drunk girl as their girlfriend. I've seen me so wracked with guilt and self-loathing my weight has gone to 100lbs in the past, just with the anxiety of me knowing I have a problem.
I stopped last year for 5 months and it was such a good feeling, I was on prozac at the time and it did help, but I dont want to have to go back on it. I was thinking of joining the AA.
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