hate being scottish

[rubster77]

hi,

I'm new. This weekend has me realising that I'm destroying myself. I'm 30, single and have a great career, but I just dont know when to stop. Been binging on drink for about a decade. Initially it was fun, you could remember the night out, it gave me confidence to talk to people and truthfully prior to drinking I had always found the bars and niteclubs boring. Drinking made this more enjoyable, but over the years, its become so bad...I dont trust myself...I do things like lock the door and hide my keys so that I dont go out and buy more drink when I'm drunk, making a show of myself in public. I hate waking up in the morning, and checking my fone to see who I 'drunk dialled' or walking down the street and thinking did you see me last nite bet your thinking what a state I was. its bad when you stop going to your local grocery shop because you know they are watching how much drink you buy and that no doubt you'll be back in later for more. Then theirs the fact that my family dont think its a problem that its part of life here in scotland. Just as long as I do it behind close doors they dont mind. But when I'm drunk, Im so out-going and chatty cathy. and the next day I am wracked with guilt, have done so many stupid things and hate myself inside for the situations I got myself into. Cant maintain a relationship with a guy, who wants a drunk girl as their girlfriend. I've seen me so wracked with guilt and self-loathing my weight has gone to 100lbs in the past, just with the anxiety of me knowing I have a problem.

I stopped last year for 5 months and it was such a good feeling, I was on prozac at the time and it did help, but I dont want to have to go back on it. I was thinking of joining the AA.

[Guest]

hate being scottish

Hi Rubster! You have found a great place here. There are so many people with all different experiences which will give their great advice. Reading the posts is very insperational...

If you've done 5 months before, you can do it again!

Best of luck and good wishes,
GG

[Popeye]

hate being scottish

Hi rubster77.
Welcome!
Have you got the book or any other info about the program?
Spend some time reading through the posts, past and present, and you'll find a lot of people who are, or have been in the same place you find yourself now.
There is hope...lots of it.
I'm from Scotland and I know what you mean about drink being a part of life here. But it's not......not for eveyone. If you look around, there are quite a few of us who have decided that there are other, healthier ways of going about our lives. I'm not saying that I have succeeded in controlling my drinking yet, but I will. I know I will. So can you.
It's good to have you with us.

[hereatlast]

hate being scottish

i know what you mean about checking your phone why oh why do we feel compelled to ring people when we are drunk
i cant offer advice i am too new but i can offer an i know how you feel and a chat now and then because god knows we need all the help we can get. i think you must be strong if you stopped for 5 months before good luck

[Bean]

hate being scottish

Totally agree with Hereatlast. I would be so proud of myself if I could stop for 5 months (even one month would be great! - am half way there). For me the big problem is the cravings that hit when I socialise and I need very little encouragment to fall off the wagon. I imagine that in 5 months, you must have been in all sorts of social situations (unless you hid away) - how did you deal with being AF at that time?
Relate to avoiding the local shop too. In better moments it makes me laugh when I think of random things I buy alongside wine to make it less obvious (in my mind). One of the last trips I ended up with some compost, a pack of peppered mackrels and 2 bottles of wine. That cashier knew i that wine was about to be drunk and not by the fish!

[morrison]

hate being scottish

You're not alone

Don't feel bad. You're among like minds here. Americans, Scottish, English, Irish, you name it. Alcoholism is a problem everywhere. Did I mention Australia? haha. I'm of Irish heritage myself, and everybody in the family drinks. They really never got on my case about it bad enough. I'm not saying my problems are there fault, but I know what you mean about it being "acceptable" over there. I knew a guy from Ireland. He was a school teacher. He said he would here the other teachers bragging about how much they drank the night before. Yeessh. You'd think stuff like that would be frowned upon. You really do have to find other things to occupy your time with, thats for sure. You can get some good ideas from this site. I fell off the wagon this weekend, and I'm hating myself real bad. Let's do it together, okay? Good luck with AA if you decide to go. It works for some people. Please come back here regardless, and you'll get tons of support. :goodjob: on the first step of a full and fun life without booze.

[sensiblesam]

hate being scottish

Hi Rubster,

I'm new here too - also Scottish and totally relate to the cultural thing. I'm 29 and also in a decent job but have been binge drinking for about 10 years (i've posted more a few entries down the page about my situation). I too have found myselof in very silly situations and its true that all everyone ever seems to want to do is go down the pub (my work even rewarded achievers recently with....a free bar! In how many other countries would that be the best reward people could get?)

Truth is though Popeye is right - there are other things to be doing with our lives than getting plastered - you don't say how often you find yourself drinking, I have been going mad at weekends and am trying to involve myself in new activities rather than drinking all the time but I know its hard. From what i've seen the support on here seems great though - know what you mean about the anxiety too I suffer too but try not to think about the future just the present - none of us know what will happen so why do we worry about it???? Take care and good luck!!!

Sam

[spincycle]

hate being scottish

I think everyone should at least try a few AA meetings. It was not working for me but it has worked for many. I'm new as well, but thinking I very much like this place. It's not just Scotland, Texans are pretty bad as well. Drinking and driving is practically a right of passage for many people here.

[satori]

hate being scottish

Hi Rubster,

I also am Scottish - and the culture here definitely is not the best if you want to avoid alcohol. I abused alcohol for over 20 years - until I found this site!!!

It IS possible to do something about your problem - even though it may look insurmountable right now - there are many of us here working hard at sorting out our lives and most are being more or less successful - the biggest step is coming here and admitting (to ourselves mostly) that we have a problem and want to change.

There are so many diferent approaches being used on here that you are almost certain to find one that fits for you.
For me - I replace the alcohol addiction with exercise addiction.
Well - it is still an addiction - but it is at least a bit more healthy!
I don't use supplements or any of the other tools available - the support I get on here is enough.
The people on here literally changed my life!

Read lots, post lots and you will get all the help and support you will need.
Use private messages if you can't bring yourself to post in public - day or night there is always someone on here who understands and will try to help - we have all been where you are at!.

Best of luck - I am sure with all our help you will achieve your goals.

Take care

Satori

xxx

[landsharkman]

hate being scottish

Hi Rubster,

I too am Scottish, though I now live in Canada. It is hell living up to your reputation. No matter what people look at you funny if you don't want a drink, particularly if it's Scotch (which I absolutely hate, after my 21st birthday party in Edinburgh, but that's another story).

Use this site, I'm only 13 days now, tonite two weeks ago was the limit for me, after that I came to the serious realization that I needed to do something, but I've found this site to be a tremendous help, full of understanding people.

Goan yersel hen!!

[ModerationNow]

hate being scottish

Don't forget Germany. I'm German and my hubby is Irish. Two big drinking countries. I know how you feel. I'm there right now. Day 1 after binging on beer for days...I'm disgusted at myself right now...

[mac500]

hate being scottish

I'm new here and i understand your story. I'm 40 years old and have been drinking just about every day for the past 10 years. I wake up every morning and feel horrible. I just found this website today and went out and bought the Kudzu, Milk Thistle and L-Glutamine to help stave off my cravings. It wouldn't be so bad if I could just have a few beers once in a while, but I drink to get drunk and don't stop until it's all gone. My husband has begged me to stop buying beer. I don't know how many times I've made a fool of myself or the "drunk calling" as you've called it. I'm not sure if I can just be a casual drinker but I hope the herbs they recommended make me feel better.

Any thoughts anyone?

mac500

[Arial]

hate being scottish

Hi Rubster, and Welcome - great to have you with us

:welcome: infact, to all the newcomers; hereatlast, Bean, Mac500, Sensiblesam - I've not been able to catch up with everyone this week so it's a blanket welcome to all!

Relate totally to the culture problems - growing up in England's not much better, then married an Irishman. Haven't actually been monitored at the grocery store, but I did used to go out at night to distribute our drinking bottles amongst the neighbours' dustbins so it didn't look so bad! Phone calls - still a gut-wrenching feeling when I think about them.

So no judgements here, just support, encouragement, understanding and a ready ear whenever you want. Keep an open mind to anything that may help you win this battle - try AA, try the different tools here, do whatever it takes to find a program/combination that works for you. If you're determined enough then I firmly believe eventually it can be overcome though it's a challenging journey! - but what amazing rewards.

Way to go Landsharkman! - 13 days - what a brilliant achievement :goodjob: and Morrison - don't beat yourself up - no road is ever straight the whole way - it's all part of the same journey so learn from it, maybe bottle some of that crap feeling now and store it as incentive to use when challenged again! It will work out and you will reach those goals. As Ayn Rand (Russian/American author) says: 'Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desire can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.'

So good luck to all with this battle - we can win it and we will get the world we desire - together!

[morrison]

hate being scottish

haha fan

I get spam saying I can be 3 inches bigger, but I'm completely happy with my height. I don't understand those stupid emails.

:H :H :H

All joking aside, welcome to all the newcomers. Stick around. Plenty of board space for all.

[mac500]

hate being scottish

Again, I am new here. I was just wondering what avatar is? As stated in my previous post, I have gotten some of the herbal meds that were recommended on the introduction to the website.:new: but I don't recall seeing this one. I just want to learn to control myself and to feel better. I know the latter is possible, just am not sure on the control issue.

mac500