So lost and confused......

[bingegirl66]

I want say that this is very hard for me right now. However, if I don't put it all out there right now I may not make it another year. I really don't even know where to begin and where to end. I am lost, confused, discouraged, hopeless and extremely ashamed of myself for ending up where I am at 46. I need help and some sense of direction. I don't drink everyday and my intent is to never over drink but when I drink I drink. I have gone back and forth for 5 years now, making every excuse under the sun that I don't have a drinking problem. Now I am really starting to think I do as look back on my life. I feel like I have no control, no meaning or purpose on this earth. Is it because of the drinking or am I just a hopeless case??? I don't understand any of this at all. How can drinking once or twice a week cause so much damage. I have done things that I am so ashamed of and would never do when I don't drink. I have always been very close to my three children and the last few years I am so disconnected from everything and everyone. I don't believe I even have feelings anymore and can't even stand to look in the mirror. I know that sounds terrible but that is the place I am in. I feel like I am keeping myself closed off to the people who love and care about me because I feel so terrible about myself and such a failure. Realistically I know I am very smart 3.8 GPA right now in school and I am told quite often that I look like Jennifer Aniston but all I see is an ugly person who has let so many people down. I used to be so motivated, enjoyed my life and used to workout faithfully. But after I got divorced, sold my house and gave up my child care business everything has fallen apart. My family has never said I have a problem but my ex does and now I am really starting to think I do. Can someone please help me help myself. I don't want to just exists anymore!!!!!

[Icanwithoutacan]

So lost and confused......

So sorry to hear you are struggling but you are welcome here at MWO... No one can tel you if you have an alcohol problem but you... It sounds like after a series of stressful life events you are depleted mentally and physically... Are you trying to medicate your feelings with alcohol? Stick around and see what we are all about. Best place to post is newbies nest for new people .... I hope you find the answers you seek ... Maybe an appt ith a dr to address depression exhaustion etc is in order? You WILLget through this and we will help you

[Kradle123]

So lost and confused......

Hi BG66 and Welcome? :welcome:
Your question as to whether you are hopeless case or just the AL talking, caught my interest.
The good news is its definitely the AL talking to you...talking a lot of crap...
The bad news is that it's the AL talking to you...talking a lot of crap.

If you stick with us on your journey, I guarantee you will start to see the the difference.
It's not easy but you have landed in a most wonderful place. I have been a tough case. but the love and support I get from these people is simply incomparable :l

Please hop over to the Newbie Nest (link at the bottom of my sig) and just read, read and read.
The greatest gift you can give yourself right now at this very moment is the certainty that you are no longer alone in this.
Stay close. Will check in tomorrow. Off to clean up the bathroom after one of the twins flooded it!! Yahoo:H
:l

[little beagle]

So lost and confused......

Bingegirl you sound a lot like me 5 months ago. It definitely is the al talking.
If you are looking for answers on line about drinking issues then there is a problem. It doesn't matter how much or often you drink, if it is causing problems for you, then it is a problem.
These are just a couple of the things I've learned hanging out here instead of drinking.
This is a wonderful place where you can get the help you want.
Visit the newbies nest and the tool box, settle in and :welcome:

[available]

So lost and confused......

Hi Binge and welcome. I cant say more than what LB said, stay on here and your strength will grow, we all are at different stages but have been at the very beginning of being lost and not knowing of what to do. Stay on here and keep reading and posting, you will get to know people on here and we all try and reply and help. Always good advice from the oldies but all posts have a story.

[Guitarista]

So lost and confused......

Hi BG66. Welcome.

Here is a link to our toolbox. Have a read, you'll love it.

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...box-27556.html

Good to see you. Best wishes on your journey.

G bloke.

[sanchez]

So lost and confused......

Welcome BG66 - Like everyone said, you've come to the right place. If you think you have a problem or if AL has caused problems, then guess what - you have a problem. I denied it for years saying because I don't have to have a drink first thing in the morning, so therefore, I cannot be an alcoholic. That's what alkie's do right? Nope! In fact I abused al for years. Looked forward to that witching hour of 5:00 that said - okay - crack up a bottle of vino! Then unable to stop after one bottle, then two.

Read the posts, make a plan, and join in the conversation when you're ready. We all are in the same boat, and like so many have told us newbies, they have heard just about everything. The support here is amazing and the more you read and post, the more helpful this site will be for you.

Welcome and hang in there. Keep us all posted on how you're doing.:welcome:

[Sake123]

So lost and confused......

Welcome!! Like most everyone else said...only you can decide if you have a drinking problem. If you do, then there is hope and answers! There are some wonderful, kind and super smart people on this forum (I'm not one of them - I'm brand new) but you can find support, help and hope right here! That much I promise.

[K9Lover]

So lost and confused......

Welcome! We're so glad you've found us! I can really identify with what you posted. I was living in a fog for years, having no emotions, letting everything around me fall apart, and not caring about any of it. It seems daunting at first, but it CAN be done. Stick close to us and share your stories and feelings, it does make it so much easier when you connect with people that understand.

I look forward to getting to know you!

K9

[bingegirl66]

So lost and confused......

Hope

Thank you for your kind words and support. As I stated in my previous post this is hard for me. After reading some of the posts I realize it is hard for everyone who is going through this. I am on day 4 and felt very depressed last night but I did not give in. I am on medication for my anxiety/depression but I can see how the drinking just adds to the emotional problems I already have. So with that said thanks again for your support and I am thankful for finding this site.

[Accountable for Me]

So lost and confused......

Hang in there bingegirl66. What you are feeling is completely normal right now. It does get better with each passing day.

The thing to do right now is to be extra kind to yourself. Sleep, eat, rest, whatever ... that makes you feel better other than drinking.

I am on an anxiety/depression med myself and the drinking counteracted it. You will start to feel better soon.

Welcome to the boards.

[Mr Vervill]

So lost and confused......

Welcome Binge,
You're in the right place. Jump on over to the Newbies Nest. Many of us going through the same things, but you need to post and get involved. You won't regret it, not matter how you feel now.

[free at last]

So lost and confused......

Hi BG,
My recommendation is same as others -- spent time on MWO reading AND posting. Just writing about your resolve to quit drinking reinforces it. No Sugar says in the early days she spent as much time on MWO as she wasted each day by drinking. I try to follow that example, especially when I am tempted to cave in to that voice in my head trying to seduce me back to AL. That life was selfish and self-destructive--not going back. You can do this.