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    #1

    Making the choice

    I have been trying to put my feeling into words for the longest time and it's just not coming out right...but I'm going to try anyway.

    For years I struggled to come to terms with my relationship with alcohol. I don't even know that I'm there yet but what I do know is, it is and has always been my choice to drink. Is it hard to quit? YES!!!! If it were easy, there weren't be a forum and all these programs, treatment centers etc.

    But here's the deal. Either you do it or you don't. That's the end of the story. Every time I have "tried" to clean up my drinking...it has never worked. The only thing that has ever worked is quitting. Am I disappointed that I can't drink in moderation, of course I am! But this is the cold hard truth! I am NOT a normal drinker. Will someone wave a magic wand over my head in the future and make me a normal drinker? Doubtful!

    So today, I know I have a choice. I can torture myself and others with futile attempts to have one or two - Eventually ended up drinking just as much (probably more) than I have been over the past several years OR I can choose to find other ways to relieve stress, entertain myself and love myself and my family. It is SOOOO much easier when I just tell myself, I don't drink.

    There is no middle of the road for me. Either I'm in or I'm out! The only thing in the middle of the road is a smashed opossum. I choose to be in (or out).. . Let's just say I choose to NOT drink...and I'm happy with that decision for now. I pray that I keep this moment of clarity for years to come! :h
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    #2
    Making the choice

    Moderation can and does work for some. Seems as if you have already made the choice just not to drink at all, and IMO that seems to be the easiest road to travel.


    This can be a pretty heated topic, so, go with what works for you!
    Living on Planet Sober since 05/02/11




    DAREDEVIL COOKIE MONSTER

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      #3
      Making the choice

      Hi Nelz - I wish I were in that "some"...I'm just not. Which is why I specified that for me it doesn't work. To those who can moderate, my hat is off to them.

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        #4
        Making the choice

        Hi Sake,
        I'm so happy for you-- to figure out what is good for you and to embrace it! I'm right there with you in the AF boat and loving it.

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          #5
          Making the choice

          I'm with you Sake, I do not possess a full gauge nor do I want one, once I start I am compelled to get as much of the stuff into me as I can before I pass out, end of story. Like you, I wish it were not that way but it is. I've tried the smaller glass, one or two, only every other day, 2 AF days a week, for me none of it works because if I'm drinking, I'm drinking. The thing that took many years to sink in was that it was ruling me, I was not in control by deciding to drink, by making that decision I let all sorts of other influences choose how I lived. I would agree to anything when I'd had a few.

          I've come to the conclusion that there are drinkers in this world, and other people who tolerate alcohol, because if the ones who tolerated alcohol loved it, the way we drinkers do, then they too would just keep on going.
          AF since 9 December 2012 :yay:

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            #6
            Making the choice

            Well said sw
            Trying again from 22nd September 2014 Keeping it simple. Keeping it real.

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              #7
              Making the choice

              I had so many "rules" when I was drinking, it wasn't even funny. I always say that it's so much easier NOT to drink than it ever was to drink. I don't have to worry about any of that stuff anymore!
              :heart:I love my daughter more than alcohol:heart:

              Believe in yourself. You are stronger than you think.

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                #8
                Making the choice

                Attempts at moderation for me were epic failures...they left the door open for future drinking and generally just made me miserable. I would make rules like only 3 drinks max at a sitting and only a few times a week..it was a recipe for disaster because it led to more drinking and just as important..it led to me despising non drinking days, made me a miserable person and that is no way to live this life. You are heading in a great direction, Sake. Best wishes

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                  #9
                  Making the choice

                  Definition of moderation for me = just drink as much as before, wait to get so ill feel like I'm dying, then resolve to slow down/stop for a while. I too have come to the conclusion, moderation is not going to be an option, not unless we can change that definition. After a long long time, I am sure that for me too, it's just so much easier to not bother, and become a none drinker. Final. Waht's the point of dancing about and obsessing over something, we know deep down we can't control, and IS going to kill us. Anyway - off to make a brew! x

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                    #10
                    Making the choice

                    Good on you Sake, and SW - yup me too - after a few you could talk me into anything too - not good when you're "moderating" lols .x

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                      #11
                      Making the choice

                      I was just writing to a friend that on the meds board that they talk about a 'baclofen switch' that is needed. When I finally was able to turn on the Gratitude Switch and no longer feel like I was missing out but rather, was grateful not to need to drink, it made all the difference.

                      But at least for me, it was a dimmer switch that turned on so gradually, I couldn't even perceive it. Then one day I realized the light was ON, everything looked so much better, and I had no interest in ever drinking again.

                      I hope everyone can be patient, really use MWO, and at some point, you'll be able to more clearly see the truth about alcohol.

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                        #12
                        Making the choice

                        Sake....your words really strike a chord with me....I was driving to go see my dad on Dec 28 last year, at age 89, he had developed pneumonia and wasn't expected to make it...as I made that 5 hour drive, I had a lot of time to think. There I was at almost 2 years sober, about to face THE hardest life moment I'd had in my life....watching my dad's life end. It would have been a natural instinct to turn to AL to numb up and zone out....but my family needed me....I needed me. I started to wonder why I wasn't WANTING to drink. It came down to CHOICE. I made the decision 2 years ago to not drink and I am choosing a course that is better for me. Has it always been EASIER? Certainly not in the short run, but in the long run, very much so. It's just easier to NOT drink. You are so right, either you do or you don't....it's a lot like being pregnant! NoSugar often says there are no slips, but choices to drink instead of staying sober. I wholeheartedly agree.
                        I am so glad you are at this point in your quit. It sure makes the whole process easier! Keep up the great work, what you do around here is fantastic!! Your fan, Byrdie
                        All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
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                        Newbie's Nest

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                          #13
                          Making the choice

                          Good choice Sake
                          For most of us it's the only sane choice

                          NS, the gratitude switch truly works!
                          It removes all that relentless mind chatter - just shuts the mind monkey right down :H
                          AF since 03/26/09
                          NF since 05/19/09
                          Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

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