what else is there?

[tryingtoquit]

So, I'm living abroad now and am facing the realization that like many of my family members, I too have a problem with alcohol.

A close friend died in high school over Christmas vacation because he was hit by a drunk driver. Another close friend died in college from alcohol poisoning. He went to bed after a long night of partying and never woke up. My cousin died in a kayak accident because he was drunk and couldn't turn over.

The first time I got drunk, I was 12 years old. 18 years later, I'm faced with blackouts each time I drink. I am usually a timid, caring person and have always been in the "helping" profession. When I drink, I become an angry, mean and careless person.

I've had too many people "help" me remember what I said or did that would result in people being angry with me after a night of partying and I'm sick of saying that it won't happen again.

I've put all of my alcohol in a cabinet, no longer on top of the fridge. I gave away the rum and the vodka is already promised to my other "vodka soda" fan.

All the while, I'm craving a drink! I'm not sure how many times I've thought about going out to buy a bottle of wine, because that's not really that bad.

A friend just called to ask if I was drinking already.............pretty typical and they were just looking for company to do the same. I actually said yes, after telling the person that I was serious this time about stoping. Then, they decided it was too late and we rescheduled til tomorrow night. We'd have a longer time to drink and not miss school or work!

A friend visited this weekend and I don't think I'll be hearing from him again. I got drunk and made out with another guy in front of my friend who I knew had feelings for me that were beyond friendship.

AHHHHHH! I really just want a drink. It's only been 2 DAYS!!!!! I'm not sure what to do.
I feel like I HAVE to stop because I'm not in control when I drink and I blackout all the time. The problem is that I don't WANT to stop.

This SUCKS!!!!!

[journey04]

what else is there?

Hi Trying,

Ah.... the lovely feelings of being pulled in both directions. So many days, I wake up - full of resolve. Then, by 3 or 4 p.m., I usually start "negotiating" with myself about the evening ahead. I want to stop. I need to stop. I don't want to stop. Do I really need to stop? For so many years, I've told myself, its OK, I'm not hurting anyone. What a LIE! Last summer, I got arrested for driving drunk. It should have been a wake up call, but I used all the hassle, guilt and despair over the situation to justify continuing in my ways. The legal stuff turned out OK (only because of cop error in the report), and I am on a 2-year probation. I simply cannot screw up again, because the consequences would be so great, and yet I wonder if I can stop myself, if I don't totally stop drinking 100%.

I'm glad that you posted. It totally sucks trying to stay AF. I can tell you from my experience, however, that after the first dry weekend, and after about 17-18 days, the feelings can and do subside. Its a looooooong time though, yes. And since I haven't gone more than 32 days AF consecutively in the past 4 years, I can't speak to the cravings that tend to kick in with more sobriety. Just keep coming here and posting - reading a lot does help. Getting rid of all the booze in the house is a must. And - about your friend that is coming over tomorrow - you know that some "social juggling" is probably a better idea.

I drank this past weekend and started today by pouring out everything that was left. Clean house, new week. I am waiting to get some of the topamax that I ordered on-line. I truly hope that it cuts down the cravings. So far, my white-knuckling has been of little success. Not to say that it can't be done without drugs, etc., but whatever works for you - go for it!

Best,

Journey

[Guest]

what else is there?

Hi Trying,

You have to 'WANT' to quit. That is not saying that you can't learn again how to moderate, but you have to want that too. It's good that you found this site, as there are so many people here all in different points and places in there life all working towards a common goal. The support here is truly amazing.

I am living abroad as well in France, and let me tell you how easy it is to get liquor here. It's a staple and sold everywhere! No kidding.

Have you checked out the supps yet on this site? I have the Glut and the Kudzu and have just started that. I'm on day 2 now AF..slow and steady wins the race. Take it one day (or hour) at a time if you need too and focus on that.

Best of luck,
GG

[Bella]

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Trying. welcome. You may think that you dont want to quit, but the fact that you are here means you do. Listen to GG about the supps etc. and read the MWO book. You probably know its not easy but try it, you are important and want to live a happy life. Everyone here will support you. Good luck. Bella xx

[tea]

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Hiya trying, welcome. Yes we have all been there, the excruciating morning after.... read some old posts, read new ones, you will find lots of understanding and experience here and best of all (for me anyway) no judgement! Take care of yourself, look forward to seeing you round the boards.

Lorna

[Bean]

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Hi trying
I agree with Bella - you might say you don't want to quit but you are here...probably you do want to quit, you just don't want the hard work that goes with it. Fair enough, it's rubbish and annoying (to put it very mildly) and cravings can drive you mad. I've had a really stressful day, took me 2 hours to get home, I'm 17 days AF so the voice is telling me that's MORE than long enough to 'show' I can do without alcohol and it'll be fine to just have some wine tonight. But...I got home, made a snack, logged on and the craving has mostly gone and just reading various posts is making me think that, ok I might not make it to 30 days but surely I can make it to 20, or even just 18. And then I think I'll see how I feel when I get there.
Keep going, you CAN do this.
Bean

[ylfa]

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:welcome:
Yes I know so much from your letter. Why we this nice quiet people get mad when we drink. Me my self I have not clue who this drunk Ylfa is and surely I do not like her and the things she is doing.
I have been sober most of the time from 2000 generally but with many slipps. I have ruined so many things just in one night that I built up in maybe one year. But I am not giving up. I have been sober now 3 weeks and I use the scare technic. I just think about last time when I was drunk and the morning after. I have to remind my every day about this horror place the drink put me in. I can not stay there.
Hope you can use something from this site to be sober and we are all here for you and we need you as well.
Good luck ,
Ylfa

[landsharkman]

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Hi Trying,

Not easy is it? You know logically that you should quit drinking, but that little voice in your head says, what's the harm of one drink? Or maybe, it's a lite beer, not the real stuff.

But you hate yourself in the morning and promise yourself that you'll never drink again.

I made the decision to quit 11 days ago now, still truggling with the voices in the head, but logging on here helps tremendously. You are not alone in your fight, you are with peers here. Welcome again, and stay awhile.

[sickofit]

what else is there?

Hi Trying,

I too have just decided (TODAY) to stop drinking for the same reasons that you mention ----- HAVE TO ---- BLACK OUT'S ---- Oh and I want to keep my husband but just don't think that he will keep putting up with my abuse at him etc etc. Last night I finally realised that I had lost control of it, I have 2 small children and grew up with mum & dad on it all of the time and hated my mother for it, and I don't want my kids to hate me. This site is great I have been reading all morning and will do my own story when I put the kids to bed. Good luck.

[tryingtoquit]

what else is there?

Great to hear so many opinions and support! Last night we had our almost "normal" evening of poker and I was offered many times to join the crew with a drink, but I resisted. We have a big birthday party on Sat. night and I haven't decided whether or not I'm going to participate!

Thanks all!

[betty boop]

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Hi Trying and sickofit

If you really want to do it then this place can really help, there is so much advice given freely on here, just be like a sponge and soak as much of it up as you can ......... a tip used on here sometimes is 'cravings won't kill you but alcohol can'

All the very best to you both