Fresh Start!!!!!

[j-vo]

just popping in to say, you go girl! Congrats on your AF success. The first few weeks are a bit tricky, and you've gotten past that. :welldone:

[daisy45]

Aw, thanks J-vo. Trying to follow in your footsteps!

[daisy45]

Late check-in. Been busy with minding kids, getting my exercise back on track and nursing my very sick daughter. Think she got food poisoning last night....been sick now for over 24 hours now. She has been lying on the bathroom floor next to the toilet.....convinced her to go to bed with a bowl.
Apart from that, doing fine. A lot of thoughts about situations in the past when I was drunk.....my face burns with embarrassment just thinking about it.

[j-vo]

I know those feelings all too well, Daisy. All the more reason never for us to go back there. Just think...we don't have to have those embarrassments ever again. Relief.

[scottish lass]

Sorry about your daughter Daisy - isn't it wonderful to be sober to deal with these situations easily!
(hi j-vo!)
I am trying terribly hard to let go of regrets, and not think too much into the past - I am moving forward and like the new me for so many reasons....if i start to play the if only game, I am a mess!

[daisy45]

Hey J-vo and Scotlass. When I am drinking I rarely think of those times in the past, probably because I am either drunk or hungover and anxious in the moment. Getting sober brings up a lot of feelings that have been drowned out in that alcohol haze. I walk past people in the street and know that they know me from the pubs in the past....I wonder how bad I was in front of them. But, like you say, that is the past. I can create a different future.
I do like who I am sober and do not want or intend to go back. I am still excited and happy about the possibilities that lie ahead. I have the odd thought but then I think of everything I have to lose by drinking again. My drinking life is not living....it is existing.
I am artistic and have so many things I love to do.....all stops when drinking starts. I feel alive and vibrant for the first time in 9 months. I do feel this is my time. I have grown to hate all that alcohol is. When I think of what I get out of it, I can only see a warm glow in the first 2 glasses....after that is Hell. And I know that 2 glasses for me is never going to happen.
Day 17....happy days!

[daisy45]

Went to the gym tonight and listened to the bubble hour. This is the second time this week that after listening I found it to trigger drinking thoughts. I did hear and understand the talks and found them helpful, but also so much talk about drinking seems to trigger something in me. Came home agitated......don't really understand but came home and ate well and all ok. Just annoyed that even doing something I consider to be actively working at my sobriety can leave me uneasy.

[j-vo]

For now, skip the bubble hour. You don't need to feel agitated. Some tools are meant for later on in sobriety. When I read some recovery books I get a little antsy. Anything at this point in our sobriety may cause uneasiness. Just recognize it and change course.

[daisy45]

Thanks J-vo. I think you are right...
I want to do all I can to make this stick but maybe just staying sober and coming here is enough for now. I don't want to feel like I am not doing enough. Even while drinking I have always worked on changing my mindset....listening to stuff, reading books. Maybe I should give some of it time to sink in....

[kuya]

Whilst away from MWO I have been looking into a number of areas that carry so much promise for addicts.

Daisy I totally relate to being triggered by the things meant to do the exact opposite....the brain is too complex to know what will do this to you so don't try and figure it out.

Try and remember that you have over 60,000 thoughts a day, these thoughts come and go endlessly without bothering you ..... EXCEPT the thoughts that obsess you. These thoughts

"I want a drink"
"I need a drink"
"I am going to fail"
"I can't do this"
Only keep returning BECAUSE you believe them and want them to stop. It is the 'try NOT thinking of a pink elephant' dilemma.
You are now sober, it is NOT the chemical lure of the drug but the MENTAL mouse wheel that has you.

The thought cannot get you, let it come in, go out, come in again. Know it has no power, none. Unless you connect it to "I will go buy and drink alcohol now" it is simply a thought, one of the 60,000 you have every day.

Our very existence is ONLY thoughts, everyone creates their own reality with thought. Your happiness comes from inside NOT outside you. It is not IN the drink, it never was, you simply THOUGHT it was......but it was always coming from inside you.

I can prove this for you.
Did you ever drink and feel happy and have a great time, laugh, dance and end the night feeling fantastic?
Did you ever have a terrible evening drinking, then arguing and crying?

The alcohol was the same, yet your experience was completely opposite.......this is because everything you felt came from INSIDE you, always did, always will.

[daisy45]

Kuya, thank you so much for taking the time to give me that great post! Just what I needed. This is one I will come back to again and again just for reassurance. Was feeling a bit lost......
I get it! You have set me up for a strong day tomorrow! Thank you, thank you.

[kuya]

Kuya, thank you so much for taking the time to give me that great post! Just what I needed. This is one I will come back to again and again just for reassurance. Was feeling a bit lost......
I get it! You have set me up for a strong day tomorrow! Thank you, thank you.

I hope your 'tomorrow' turned into a great today.

Check out this clip in any event....

Alex's Story: Drug addiction - Three Principles Movies: Three Principles of innate health and wellbeing

[daisy45]

Thanks for that Kuya....I am looking into this more now. Couldn't post last night as I got so sick. Thought my daughter had food poisoning but it looks like it must have been a bug.
Still in bed but gonna get up and make an effort.
I rarely get sick. So no exercise yesterday or today. I am going to just rest today. Imagine how much worse it would have been if I had been drinking! Grateful to be sober today!

[daisy45]

Went to McDonalds for a happy meal late tonight.....sickness seems to have passed after feeling rotten and spending the day in bed....must have been a 24 hour bug.
Now it is 1am and I am wide awake and feeling great.
I believe, after being on this site for 5 years, that MWO members appear to be more successful than I have seen on here. The numbers on roll call say it all.
A good time to join in and be part of it...this can be contagious!

[starty]

Keep it going Daisy. I think it is contagious too!