Fresh Start!!!!!

[scottish lass]

Oldie newbies! love it - wish I was an oldie oldie - but for us oldie newbies, at least we keep trying - one day it will stick, but I know I know so much more, I am so much more aware - and for the last 5 months, when I was drinking, it was a lot less and with so much more awareness.
I hate that I am back at the beginning, but happy that I continue to try to make it work - and happy that you keep on trying Daisy....

[daisy45]

Aw J-vo, your post describes how I feel right now. Thank you so much for that...I feel pretty desperate right now and want a better life. Drinking and me equal disaster.
ScotLass, we will do it once and for all. Time for me to stop trying and just do it!

[Choices]

Hi Daisy, I'm an oldie newbie too. J-vo explained how I feel too. I found it harder to just stop again, and I'm not sure what really made me stop this time. Disgusted with myself I think is what worked this time, the first time it was fear. Throwing out the wine glass sounds like a good start. Day one is always the hardest. Take really good care of yourself.

[Choices]

Hey, me again... I was going to say... My resolve to never drink again was always strongest in the morning when I felt like crap. I knew I needed to stop again for about a year... Especially knowing how much better things were on the other side. But my brain, body... Not sure what! Just kept putting it off... Your not stupid! The worse you feel about yourself the harder the whole process is... At least for me anyway.. Feeling good is a better motivator for me to stay quit. I just am so sick of this doom feeling alcohol brings into my life that I'm enjoying the freedom of not needing a drink.... And.., it boggles my mind that I still, have thoughts during the day.. Of how lovely it would be to have a drink! Insane.. But it's getting easier not do fall into the habit.

[starty]

Hey Daisy. Another oldie newbie here. My mental health, my decision making and my physical health were all impaired (badly I might add) and it does take a few days to get passed that. For me, I took away the decision to drink and told myself I would survive whatever consequences not drinking gave me. How bad can they really be? Compared to drinking not so bad actually. Yes the withdrawals were tough, the thoughts were and can be problematic, the desire can be strong. BUT are any of those things really as bad as waking up feeling like boiled shite? Being dictated by alcohol how we spend our time? And the guilt it all brings? Take away your decision to drink and see where that takes you my friend

[Pavati]

Hi, Daisy, and welcome back. Stay close, my friend.

Pav

[daisy45]

I have spent days praying that I will just live as there are things happening in my body that are different. Yesterday I had muscle twitches in my arm and hand along with pins and needles. They went on all day. Was so convinced it was leading to a more serious condition that my day was spent in total anxiety.
And yet I have had days like this before and went back to it. Again and again.
I am more afraid now than I have ever been.
I have another very good reason to get this right,.....going to be a nanny in May.

[NoSugar]

Daisy, I used to worry about my kids having babies because I knew I would never trust myself to care for them in the evenings and I suspected I would even resent them for interrupting my "routine". Well, I'm so fortunate as to have 2 grandchildren now and every time I'm willing to babysit at a moment's notice for one or fly across the country to see the other, I am just overwhelmed with gratitude that I no longer drink. I would hate for my time with them to be compromised by a stupid drug. Make a vow to never let this upcoming baby know a grandma who drinks - I promise you will never regret that choice and if you're like me, you'll have overwhelming regrets if you don't. Congratulations on the upcoming birth! It is so much fun!!

[daisy45]

Thanks NoSugar. I cannot wait but am glad to have this time to get myself ready. I have many regrets about being a drinking mum and want my grandchildren to know the real me.
My daughter will stay with me for the first few minths. It was unexpected but good news.

[NoSugar]

It is hard to quit for ourselves, Daisy, after letting ourselves down so many times. Keep this baby in mind as the reason for your quit and it will end up being the best thing ever for both of you.

[daisy45]

It has taken me until today, day 3 to feel less anxious and start to enjoy being sober again. The effects of alcohol on me are so bad That I feel even if I were able to be a normal drinker I would still have to quit. Every drink feels like poison to my system....which it is!
This is a very happy day 3. I am so glad I got back to it quickly after drinking again.
I feel confident that this is how I want to live and feel excited about what is ahead. I have spent a lot of time alone over this past few days, really thinking through everything and realise that I needed to make that ultimate decision that it is all over once and for all.
No matter what.

[j-vo]

I'm really happy to hear this Daisy!:love:

[abcowboy]

Great news Daisy! Love seeing you back with fierce determination! We all know how very tough this can be, and I want to share something that my counsellor told me, and I have told others. This isn't "tough love" advice, it's advice given to me by my counsellor about need and want. As people who suffer from AUD, we know we need to quit, but until the day comes that "need" and "want" become the same word, with the same meaning for us, just needing to quit won't be enough. Then she made me do the old pro's and con's exercise. When I went back to her with my list, she totally ignored the con side, she focussed our discussion on the pro side. She pointed out that most of the pro side was "needs" very few "wants". She said that I had to get my list to balance between needs and wants if I was to be successful. It took me a long time to really understand what she was trying to get at, but it did hit home eventually. My "needs" tended to focus on the people around me, not on me. My wants seemed to focus on me, but it seemed that I was trying to quit more for others than for myself. So until I was quitting as much if not more for myself rather than for others, I was leaving the door to drinking open.

We are all here to help and support you any way we can, and a bit of selfishness combined with a lot of self-love is going to make your struggle much easier! :hug:

[daisy45]

Hi Cowboy. I took the time tonight to do the list. There was very little on the Pro side in comparison to the lenghty list of Cons.
I do see what you mean....there were some pros that involved drinking to please others or to fit in. Not sure about the difference between need and want. What would you consider a 'want' on the pro side?

[abcowboy]

Daisy, I guess I didn't explain it quite right, might be the reason it took me so long to understand what my counsellor was trying to make me see. Make a list of pro's and con's about why you should quit, what would be good about quitting (pro's) and what would be bad about quitting (cons). Then forget about the cons for now, we'll just deal with the pro's. Of all the things you put on the pro side, how many said I need to quit drinking because, and how many said I want to quit drinking because