Fresh Start!!!!!

[daisy45]

Hi LC, mr G and Pav.
I have missed posting for a few days which I know is not the thing to do....just sooo busy with Christmas preparations. I was sober this time last year.....how on earth did I do it all before?
I actually remember doing more.....over-compensating for my flaws! I am finding that being sober is allowing me to give myself a break.....being easier on myself.
I found the conflict on a certain thread very upsetting. ......we do make good friends here and it is tough to see hurt where it is unnecessary....I look at my 42 days and know that Cowboy was a big part in helping me get there.......but what is done is done....hopefully we will see both of these members join us again and we can move forward together.
On my way to shopping tonight I felt strong....fast forward to time for check-out....I was thinking how I had all this lovely food and treats in my trolley.....wouldn't a lovely cool glass of wine just be nice? I did not act on it but I am very aware that this week is a challenge......friends and family off work, relaxing, drinking in all houses......

[Guitarista]

Yes Daisy, but we are unique and totally BADASS! All the best from here.

[daisy45]

Morning all.....time to get back to posting. I was busy and felt thoughts creeping in more and more.....Those few days of not being so active on MWO make a difference....being here and being active keeps sobriety to the forefront. New rule.....I must not stray!
This is my first day I have had free in so long.....time to catch up here, go for a swim....I will cook a little but I enjoy that.
The other night I was on edge and thinking of wine.....duh! At 7pm I got up and spent almost 3 hours baking.....5 apple tarts and a batch of 60 mince pies.....2 jobs for the price of one! Banished all drinking thoughts and another job done. I give it all away....keeps my mum happy. She likes to feed her visitors.

[Choices]

Hi Daisy, I had a similar experience at the supermarket tonight. A wouldn't it be nice kinda one. The weather is absolutely beautiful here and I was watering my garden and kept thinking... Happily, isn't this wonderful, wonderful I don't feel bad anymore, wouldn't it be nice just to sip some wine and look at what I've done.. The garden looks great...etc, etc,....

But I would only be able to drink my first glass slowly and really enjoy it... Second, third.. Oh why not just finish this bottle... Then panic I don't want to run out.. This feeling is wonderful.. Maybe I should get more? Maybe I'll have hubs pick me up a bottle on the way home.. He doesn't know I've been already drinking.. It will be ok.. This is the last time I indulge.. 1st bottle done.. (If I was lucky.. I could make it last 2 hours)... The clock is ticking.. Where is he! Dinner is almost done.. It's going to be over done, cold.. I don't care.. Thank goodness he is home. More wine, bummer, he doesn't want to drink or talk.. Hubs goes to bed.. I finish second bottle.. Kinda wishing.. I had more. Go to bed wake up.., Ug, I'm never drinking again! Next day.. When is it going to be 5 pm!?

[daisy45]

Choices, that is why it is good to keep reading here. I am so glad you wrote that post....I needed it spelt out to me! Sometimes we get away from the reality of our situation and it can take someone else to point it out. Thank you.

[Choices]

Yeah, I agree Daisy.. Right now I'm checking in a lot of times during the day.. I actually feel better if I do.. If I stay away too long, I don't know.. I get in a bit of denial about my problem. I'm liking the reinforcement this place brings. The days I'm not really feeling like posting.. I try and just at least do the gratitude one or the 24 hour one. Hope your well today. Glad to see you posting again..

[lifechange]

Me, too!
What she said and what she said and what he said!
The thought briefly crossed my mind yesterday after decorating the x-mas tree with the girls. I was tired and just wanted to read.. I went to the grocery to return some deposit jars and as I walked by the fine food shop, the thought of buying white wine came to mind. I said out loud, what the fuck are you thinking? then more calmly, WHY are you thinking this? I realised I was stressed and wanted an escape and I was thirsty.. I bought a liter and a half bottle of fizzy water and drank it all. I was happy that I didn't feel so much of a pull that I had to fight myself.. just needed a reminder. BUT, I also haven't been posting regularly lately.. like you, Daisy, busy and tired.. but it is of UTmost importance to stay accountable here, I think. That's what they all say!

Are you all buying yourself anything nice for Christmas? The pies sound to die for, Daisy! 60 sure sounds like a lot!! Will you be having people over? And you, Choices?

[daisy45]

Not this year....usually I cook for the whole family just before Christmas, but I have decided to give myself a break. Just my 3 girls and me for dinner. We will visit everybody on Christmas morning....my girls go in their pyjamas!
Just back from doing 64 lengths....now I feel good! The girls are out to dinner with their dad so I have a couple of hours alone...a rare treat!

[lifechange]

That is so nice that they still go around visiting in their pj's! How cute is that? Good call on mellowing it out this year, Daisy! We're definitely on the same page as I finally got the courage this year to back out on the 24th celebration at the home of my ex (the girl's dad) where I usually get to cook and listen to him drone on and on.. also backed out on the celebration here with my ex and his son and ex wife.. can't believe I ever even participated in that one!!:happy2:
I'll have a quiet day on the 25th here with my girls and then vacation until the 4th.. looking forward..
good night, dear Daisy!

[lifechange]

64 lengths??? misread that the first time.. damn, girl!
enjoy your alone time!

[daisy45]

LC, you may be impressed by that 64 but if only you knew......I only meant to do 50 today, then 3 lifeguards gathered where I would have to walk out.....not happening with my flat arse, so I had to do extra until they dispersed. One day there was one particular lifeguard I know really well....I swam and swam....100 lengths! Thought it was never gonna end! Nothing like an unsexy flat arse to get ye moving!

[lifechange]

I hear ye there! Gettin' mine in shape is yet again on my NY resolutions list..
Hope you're having a good day.. I think I'll wrap a couple of presents.. I'm trying to make candied ginger, but I'm afraid I might not have added enough sugar, as it's not getting hot enough. Do you know anything about that?

[daisy45]

Sorry LC...I stick to cooking whatever my mum showed me as a child.
I thought I was taking it easy this year, yet I am still running about like a mad woman.
Took my mum and myself to get our eyebrows done, then, what should have been a 10 minute nip to a shop, took 50 minutes queueing to get in and another 30 to get out......glad to be home!
Thoughts still creeping in......looking the other way! Look forward to normal days again when party time is over.

[lifechange]

Maybe you already saw this in the Nest, but I liked NS's response to J-vo..

It was great when you were thinking the way you were, J-vo - mostly because you seemed to be living the life you want. At any moment, we all get to choose how we feel and I doubt if many of us want to deliberately feel angry or deprived, at least very often. Of all the emotions available to humans, those don't add much quality to life. As you already said, what hit you yesterday were just thoughts and the feelings they caused. Nothing else had really changed about you, alcohol, or your relationship to it...

That has helped me lately. To know that the thoughts really are just that and we don't have to act on them. Guaranteed, 100%, that if we DON'T act and choose to deal differently with our thoughts, we will be happy with ourselves, so relieved that we decided not to restart the cycle, we'll gain strength in another victory, we'll realize we aren't missing out on anything by not drinking, but gaining a lot. You're kicking ass, Daisy! Let's get through this difficult "party time", trying to create some new traditions along the way.. and then celebrate our freedom on the other side..

[lifechange]

How are you doing today, Daisy?
I am thinking about you hope you're having a not-too-stressful day..