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Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

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    #1

    Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

    Evening,
    I've been on and off this wonderful website for years, which clearly has helped and supported people to reach their goal of sobriety. I'm almost 49 years old, and the affects of al are definitely showing in physical and mental ways.

    I'm the same as we all are. Yes, I can moderate...Nope, that doesn't work for me...yet, I think I can do this and control it...damn, I screwed up yet again, and over again...I miss AL! I'm too old to make the same mistakes. I feel as though I haven't lived a life that I'm proud of, feel good about, and have missed too many beautiful opportunities for the simple things in life.

    So I'm back to record how I'm feeling and ask for support. I plan to use this thread as a journal for myself, to keep myself accountable, track my progress, and support others. Thanks.

    j-vo
    Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.
    Tags: None
    #2
    Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

    Oh, Day 3 AF
    Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

    Comment

      #3
      Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

      J-VO, welcome back. Day three here too. Lets do this thang!
      AF 10/21/2013...ODAT :kudos:

      Comment

        #4
        Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

        J-Vo....welcome back. I see by your join date that you've been at this a while. 5 and a half years it looks like. So in all that time, have you REALLY been able to moderate? If you look at the guidelines of what moderation REALLY is and what we'd like it to be there is a pretty big difference but we usually fail at both anyway....So let's not split hairs....once the Jeannie is out of the bottle, there just is no going back. I'm sure you've heard this before, but the only people who can moderate are the ones who don't realize they are doing it. If you think you've got a problem with AL, you do. So that being said, some other things can take place...and that's the process of healing and getting well. Once we accept that we cannot drink in ANY amount and for any reason, life gets considerably BETTER! It's that nagging voice that makes us think we have a choice that kills us. Make a decision to be/get sober and don't look back. You CAN live a life you are proud of....I tell you, there's no better skin cream or lotion or potion that can make you look better than being sober makes you feel. The occasional discomfort from not being able to partake from time to time is temporary, the feeling of self respect and pride lasts a lifetime. You are not giving up a dam thing that really matters....just a substance in a glass. Make the decision, stay connected with us here, read and post, and you will find success! This disease takes some work to come out of, but you can do it. Or we can be here in another 5 years wondering where the time went?!!! Come join us over in the Newbie's nest...it's very active and we have folks in all stages of quitting. Also check out the Tool Box, both links are below. Welcome aboard! We're glad you're here! Byrdie
        All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
        Tool Box
        Newbie's Nest

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          #5
          Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

          Howdy JVO
          glad you are back. Judging by your post you are already aware that you're not able to moderate. Since that is the case, just let it go, it really is not your friend. Only things you're really losing are regrets, hangovers, bad health. Maybe see you over at the Nest??
          Sam
          Liberated 5/11/2013

          Comment

            #6
            Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

            j vo, looking forward to hearing more from you. Well done on 3 days. As Sam says, we are not missing out on anything good, just horrible hangovers and regrets! Join us in the Nest :l
            Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it! ~ Goethe

            Comment

              #7
              Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

              Thank you all for your support. I appreciate it! Can someone tell me how to copy and paste? Is it the same with any other document? It seems as though everyone who does this their post that they copy is in blue. How do I do that so I can directly comment on posts.

              And Byrdlady, I had typed a very long response, yet I lost it. How the heck did that happen? Here I go again! No, moderating never worked for me. I've read several books on it, made plans, written goals down, but nope, failed at that most of the time. When I didn't fail, I was in a situation where no more al was available, and that's a crappy feeling, knowing you want more and can't.

              You're right. I can't waste another 5, 10 years of my life not living well. I'm sure my organs are extremely angry with me. I'd love to love life. There's no way in hell anyone can do that as a binge drinker. It ain't happening. The ugly beast has reared its ugly head too many times, and I'm done with his shit. I want life, not insanity. I don't want to look back this time, only to remind myself how poor I was living my life, how many things I've endured feeling like shit. I'm too old to miss out on any more years. I'm ready for anew. I like how you said "you're just missing out on a substance in a glass." True. I can replace that with healthier substances that won't make my life miserable. Thank you.
              Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

              Comment

                #8
                Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

                Today, I contacted an old friend who had difficulties with AL in the past. She's been sober for a several years. I'm going to get together with her to talk about her long-term sobriety. I'm thankful I have someone to turn to right now.
                Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

                  That's the stuff! You've got the right attitude!! I'm not the best to ask about how to do the quote things, I think you just hit quote down below to the right and then delete all but what you want to keep, being sure to include the brackets in there [ here]. I think that's how it works.
                  Yes, I can't tell you the last time AL did me any favors! Welcome aboard...we will be right here by your side!! Hope to see you over in the Newbie's Nest! All the best, Byrdie
                  All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
                  Tool Box
                  Newbie's Nest

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

                    Well done there! It is very good to have a like minded person in your camp.
                    Liberated 5/11/2013

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

                      j-vo.... i am wondering if i can join your journey? i tried many times to do this too, and i don't seem to get anywhere. i am going to order a started pack now. this has to stop. i am so out of control and feeling really lost in the world and life in general. really lost.
                      (AF since 17 May 2014) 2 years 5 months sober

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

                        Hi, Eloise

                        Welcome to MWO! This is a great place to get the job done.

                        If you haven't seen these already, the links to the Newbies Nest and Toolbox are given below. The Nest is a great place to hang out - there are people at all stages of the process supporting one another and the toolbox is full of great ideas.

                        :welcome::welcome::welcome:

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

                          thanks for your post NoSugar.
                          i haven't made it to 4 AF days in i don't know... months? 6 or 8?

                          hm. ordered the supplements just now, will take a week to get here i think. gonna just take this an hour at a time.
                          (AF since 17 May 2014) 2 years 5 months sober

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

                            Hi all,
                            I really wish MWO and the forums had a "like" button like facebook has! I'd like to be able to acknowledge what people say quickly, but I guess that'll take time to figure out. I will try the quote message in reply. That doesn't sound too difficult for a tech challenged lady like me.

                            Through my short talks with my friend through text, she's got 7 years of sobriety. We haven't met yet, but will soon. She's someone that I can see as a great mentor.

                            Welcome Eloise. We're in this together. I have, many times begun the journey, then sweet talkin' Al stuck his nose in my business. Sometimes I like to fantasize about the future and how I see myself as healthy and strong in mind and body. It's something that I've always wanted. I think it's time I allow myself that wonderful opportunity and I can't do that with ugly Al. So, picture yourself as you want to be, visualize that beautiful self you want to be. Today is Day 5 for me. It's Friday, and normally a drinking night. I'd wake up on Saturday with a nasty hangover and no energy to do what needs to be done. Not tonight! Snuggly up on my couch on this cool evening, a movie, putting my fake nails on until the real pretty ones grow, and get a great night's sleep. I will wake up daily and say, "I will not drink today, because I don't drink and I don't want to kill myself." That's what I was doing. Killing myself. Have a good Friday evening all.
                            Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

                              And thank you all for your kind words of support! I'll look for you in the nest.
                              Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

                              Comment

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