Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

:huggyAnd I'm so thankful for my mentors!

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

A wonderful poem by Rahul:

I hate you Al
Y did you even come to my life
I am sick of drinking you every day till I collapse
I am sick of head aches
I am sick and tired of waking up in middle of night with dry throat
I am so sick of feeling hung and guilty every morning I wake up
Why did you come to my life
U are not my friend
You are like a parasite who is hanging on to me and sucking my life away
Life is good, challenging, exiting, and here I am wasting it away on you
Every day I spend 2 to 3 hours on you
And what you give me in return is more despair, guilt
God has given me gift of life, this body, my family
And I am simply destroying it by having you.
If just hate you ... You are the worst thing that happened to me.
I will kick out of my system
You just wait and watch
I have you as you are nothing but the poison
I have had enough of you ....
Good bye and I don't want to drink you again !!
__________________
Rahul
-----------------------------

[NoSugar]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Being appreciative for what you've gained is the ticket, j-vo. Concentrate on that and you'll be fine. It is so wonderful to read posts by a person who truly is finding the way out. :l

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

NoSugar, I'm definitely "feelin' it" this time. And it is the feeling of gratitude that makes the whole difference. I'm not looking at what I "don't" have, what I should be able to do, what others can do and I cannot. I'm looking at what beautiful people I have in my life, a good job to go to where I can appreciate young people daily (except today I had to take a nutty on them for being lazy) a beautiful family, and the health to do what I want to do. So, if that's deprivation, then I'm all for it!

[K9Lover]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

I'm enjoying your journal J-Vo! See you on the LADIES thread! :h

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Thanks Pretty Lady!!

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Seriously, don't pity me because I can't drink! It's not like I'ma serial killer or something...Nope. I'm free to make my choices, go where I want to go, do what I want to do, and now be who I really am. I certainly don't pity me, although I may pity you when you wake up tomorrow morning in that state...

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Happiness is... (from Pavati's post)

One thing that struck me in that interview that Treetops posted earlier had to do with happiness. In surmising why female alcoholics are more prevalent now than 20 years ago, say, the hypothesis is that women are less happy than they were before. The researcher (her name escapes me now) says that actually we’re not less happy, we just have a greater expectation of happiness and when we’re not happy we think something is wrong with us. I think the human condition comprises ups and downs, and dealing with the downs without alcohol or drugs (depression and other mental illnesses not included) is part of being alive. Of course there are things we can do to minimize the unhappiness (exercise, eat well, be with friends and family), but we just need to experience them and we will get through them. I believe that is one of the premises of mindfulness (someone step in if I’m wrong).

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

More Wise Words from Byrdy...


#44508 (permalink)
Yesterday, 05:54 PM

Byrdlady
Senior Member


Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 4,350
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Nesters, I wanted to copy a post I did a while back....to those feeling FLAT. Understanding that this is normal may help!!
I wrote:

I posted something yesterday on another thread about the person feeling 'flat' around this same time.
If you think about it....we are really in grief over losing such a major relationship in our lives. AL was becoming the #1 relationship we were having....to the exclusion of our spouses, and family and our jobs!! It will not quit until it takes everything...as you know. So divorcing it is tough. The first stage of grief is anger. That's prolly when you came here....feeling like "I've just HAD it!" "I can't live like this" "I'll be damned if I'll be led around by a bottle". This is followed by denial. "maybe I'm not so bad after all!" "There are people on this site far worse than I am and THEY are doing fine". "If I can stop for a few days or even a month, that proves right there I don't have a problem!!" . The next stage of grief is bargaining. "Maybe if I just drink on weekends that will do the trick, that way I can be sober all thru the week for my job and such, and unwind on the weekends!" "I think I've got a handle on this now, I'm more aware of the problem....I WILL MODERATE." " If I just limit myself to a couple drinks at a time, and not every night, it'll be a win-win!" This stage is followed by Depression. This usually hits right around where you are now...30-45 days. it's a period of "now what?" Is this all there is? I've proven I can do this, now what is the point? The euphoria of being amazed THAT we can do it is now replaced with a 'so what' attitude. We don't know what to do with ourselves. This is where an awful lot of growth happens. I think our emotional selves catches up to our chronological selves. When we start abusing AL I think our emotional growth stops. We learn a new set of coping skills (escape from our problems instead of facing them). Depression takes some time to get thru, but once you are on the other side, it's like stepping out of a world of black and white into a world of COLOR!! The final stage of grief is ACCEPTANCE. While it sounds like you are throwing in the towel, this is actually the very best place to be. The voices in your head accept that you can't drink like a normal person ever again. That ship has sailed. Once you cross that line into addiction there is no rewiring that. NoSugar explained it's like riding a bike...your mind will take you exactly back to that bad place and worse. Once you accept that you are an ALK, and you take responsibility for it, the space in your head will be a much simpler and more peaceful place to live. Take the CHOICE of drinking off the table for good, and you will find peace. There is no going back for us. I've been on this site now for almost 4 years, I have NEVER SEEN A CASE WHERE IT WORKED! Never! And I've looked! I want it to work!! But here's the good news! Once you get some good distance between you and AL (and 40 days is great, but it takes months, really) you will see that you don't need AL at all, and you'll wonder why you were so obsessed with it at all. You will not having that longing to go back. I sure don't. This takes time. So please give Time, time. Please try to get it out of your head that you will be able to go back. This is the hardest thing to give up (hope is a killer here). In your drinking career, have you EVER been able to control it? Doesn't it always just get worse? This is a progressive disease...and one drink keeps it going.
I didn't listen to anyone about this, and it wasn't until my husband of nearly 25 years packed his clothes and left that night. Don't let it get to that for you!
You know in your heart of hearts what must be done!! Don't go backwards, only forward!!! XXOO, Byrdie
__________________
All you gotta do, is get thru this day. AF 1/20/2011
Newbies Nest
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[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Thank you Byrdy!!

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

The New Normal

So, this is the new normal for me:

Going out to dinner, not necessarily where they serve alcohol (or not being irritated that they don't have alcohol). This is the new normal.

Sitting around, watching tv, movies, playing on my new ipad, just enjoying down moments with a clear head. This is the new normal.

Going to the movies on a Saturday Night, and enjoying the fattening popcorn and diet coke. This is the new normal.

Going to bed with a clear head, feeling happy but tired. This is the new normal.

Waking up, a little crabby because I wanna sleep more, but without a hangover. This is the new normal.

Giving and receiving support that has helped me tremendously. This is the new normal.

Accepting that I am an alcoholic and I'm ok with that. This is the new normal.

Reading again! one of my favorite hobbies. This is the new normal.

Learning again. This is the new normal.

Having more patience, happiness, and hope. This is the new normal.

Going back to Church. This is the new normal.

Not taking sick days as a result of a hangover. This is the new normal.

Meeting girlfriends for lunch or dinner. This is the new normal.

Enjoying every minute of my son's activities. This is the new normal.

Socializing with confidence. This is the new normal.

Being a good teacher; not the smartest, but really good. This is the new normal.

This is the new normal.

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

So, here I am, took off work as my depression got the best of me. I'm feeling so low and having a hard time getting off my couch. Luckily, i have wonderful people here that care and have helped me immensely. So, thank you.

I've dealt with depression my whole life. So this is something that I know will pass. I am not drinking.

I've also realized that I let so much of my life pass me by. I let my weight soar, my marriage has suffered, because I was selfish. It was me and my booze. My best friend.

After talking with a confidante, I know that these things can be changed, but now I must put make my sobriety a priority. I will not drink, and I will feel depressed. I will feel whatever I feel. And be ok about it. I can deal with the rolls of fat later. I can make my marriage better later. For now, it's me. The real me. Not the boozy me. I will not hide behind that bottle. It would make things a thousand times worse. So, this is the raw me. Go me!

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

I've learned some things today. Giving things that you actually need will fulfill those needs. Giving thoughtful responses to people on this site, will make me stronger as a sober person. Giving a hug to someone will make me love them more. Teaching my students makes me learn more about them and myself. Give someone a second chance, and I may get one. Give forgiveness and I may forgive myself. Giving...

[Eloise]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

j-vo;1600528 wrote: I've learned some things today. Giving things that you actually need will fulfill those needs. Giving thoughtful responses to people on this site, will make me stronger as a sober person. Giving a hug to someone will make me love them more. Teaching my students makes me learn more about them and myself. Give someone a second chance, and I may get one. Give forgiveness and I may forgive myself. Giving...

Hi j-vo, just wanted to offer some support, encouragement & say how genuinely impressed I am with your efforts to tackle this problem from so many angles. Interesting how many teachers I see here, I teach too.
Teaching is all about giving. You are doing a great job J-vo.

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Thank you Eloise! Hope you're well!