Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

[NoSugar]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

j-vo;1604828 wrote: . Hey, I've done crazier things in a bathroom stall!

Such as :H???

There is a stall scene in American Hustle you could check out on your movie date (although it might not be the best movie for a birthday or NYE celebration - it is very well done but tough to watch).

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

:bday3: DH will love his birthday present!

That was the movie I was thinking about! Good scene???

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

j-vo bees like..."DH, you like this stall? :b&d:

[hadit]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Hello Guys, just checking in to say hi. Went to the movies SAT and saw THE RAILWAYMAN. Its a really great movie but very confronting. Not sure what to see on NYE; must check it out. There is one certainty, I won't be at any NY eave party. To many bad memories in the past!!! I remember one party in a hot tub with friends all drunk and someone pulled a "live" electrical cable out from somewhere. Could have killed all of us!!! I have done some really stupid things when drunk. I need to kick al out of my life forever so that I can mend some bad things I have done! Its a beautiful summers day here, so everyone is flooding the restaurants and bars drinking beer and wine. Looked nice for a moment; everyone happy and smiling and then I thought Geez, what the hell are you thinking!!!! After the first buzz al just sends me into a very dark place where I never want to go again.Thanks for listening to my rant; I just need to be accountable and I find jumping on mwo helps a lot.:alf::alf:

[NoSugar]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Well... The scene was incomplete, so to speak .

The acting is amazing - I'm glad I saw the movie so I know what everyone is talking about. And, we've discussed it quite a bit since we saw it - it raises interesting life questions. It is one of those movies that I'm glad to have seen although I didn't particularly enjoy it at the time.

Let me know what you guys think. :h NS

P.S. sounds like you'll be happy to deliver the present !

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Hi Hadit,
From a warm, summer day to a dark, cold and damp winter night - all in a second on MWO! We're so very close! Glad you came on and are keeping your head in the right place. That's so true what you said...how long does that nice buzz last anyhow. Not long. Nice lasts a very short period of time, and once we hit "nice" we hit all the bad shit. That comes right after nice. Always for us. Great to be accountable. Makes a huge difference. And as far as movies, I just saw "Saving Mr. Banks." It was a great movie. It's about P.L. Travers, the author of Mary Poppins, who grows up in Australia, losing her father to alcoholism, then later in her life, moves to England to start her writing career. Walt Disney fought with her for 20 years to purchase the rights to her book to produce the movie. Great movie and Tom Hanks and Emma Thompson starred in it.

NS, if I'm going to be confused throughout the movie, I'm going to choose a different one.

[Icanwithoutacan]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Hey guys! Haven't checked in here for a while .... Good to see you.... Day 15 here. You all sound good. Night

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

:applaud:Hi Ican! Great 15 days!!! Awesome.

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Another night with strange sleep. Lots of thinking going on in this head. I need to remember...Thinking should take place during the day, and sleep at night. Just a little mental note to self.

What was I thinking about the first, second, or third time I woke up? This time, it wasn't of the extreme drunken sessions but the more subtle situations where I can see myself doing or saying things that only a person with an al addicted brain would say or do.

Who orders a cosmo at an afternoon get together with gf's when everyone else is having a lite beer? ME. Who suggests that we do a shot in that same get together? ME WHAT! OMG. Hello!

Who goes with co-workers for lunch (and this is a half-day for us so we don't go back to work) and orders a martini at the bar when everyone else orders a lite beer and then intends to eat? ME

Who goes to a baby shower at a restaurant, orders a few glasses of wine and is fine, then stops on the way home at a bar and orders another glass and only has change to pay for that glass of wine - no tip for the bartender, either. ME Oh, then of course continues drinking at home. ME

Who avoids eye contact with the owner of the spirits store when they enter the store? ME

Who looks around the parking lot to see if one recognizes them as they get out of the car at the spirits store? ME

Who goes away to a scrapbooking weekend with women with several small bottles of vodka packed away safely in a scrapbooking bag next to precious baby pictures of their child? ME

Who sneaks shots of whiskey in the house when everyone else is outside enjoying a picnic? ME Who ends up completely trashed and stumbles to bed while everyone is still there? ME

Who drinks three glasses of wine before going to xmas eve festivities, then when we arrive, a cousin asks what I want to drink, and I say martini and a beer? ME

I could go on and on and on. So this is what I was thinking last night in between a little sleeping. WHO DOES THIS??? ME

Who has an AL ADDICTED Brain? ME WHO WILL NEVER DO THIS STUPID SHIT AGAIN? ME!!!!

[Pavati]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Hi, All:

J-Vo - it sounds like you have the GSR brothers visiting you in your sleep without alcohol now? Can you change your thinking in the moment to positive affirmations? Who has stopped drinking since October (minus a couple of glasses one night?) YOU. Who is a great mother who hangs out with her son? YOU. Who is a teacher who gives 100% of herself to her students every day she is with them? YOU. Who started the Ladies on a Mission thread that has supported so many of us? YOU. I know that processing the sh&# is probably necessary at some point, but don't forget to congratulate yourself on all that you have done and accomplished - in spite of alcohol, and after being done with alcohol.

Anyway - I saw American Hustle last night. I loved it - I really did. The acting was amazing as was the directing. Definitely not a walk in the park, but I recommend it. It is directed (and written) by David O. Russell who also did Silver Linings Playbook and Three Kings (both movies I loved, too).

I'll check out Mr. Banks next - I am on a vacation movie going roll. We also saw Walter Mitty this week - very visually beautiful, and quirky, too. I liked that as well...

[NoSugar]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

I like Pav's re-write of your list. Here is another one to consider:

j-vo;1605060 wrote:

Who ORDERED a cosmo at an afternoon get together with gf's when everyone else was having a lite beer? ME. Who SUGGESTED that we do a shot in that same get together? ME WHAT! OMG. Hello!

Who WENT with co-workers for lunch (and this is a half-day for us so we don't go back to work) and ORDERED a martini at the bar when everyone else ordered a lite beer and then intended to eat? ME

Who WENT to a baby shower at a restaurant, orders a few glasses of wine and is fine, then STOPPED on the way home at a bar and ORDERED another glass and only HAD change to pay for that glass of wine - no tip for the bartender, either. ME Oh, then of course CONTINUED drinking at home. ME

etc. etc. etc.

You get the drift of my edits :H?

So that WAS you. It is good to look back in your 85-1 days AF mind and truly see the mess you were in. I am shuddering for you just as I do for myself when I force myself to think about it in great detail (and I do that fairly often. Sadly, I did not document my misery at the start of all this and let me tell you - the rough edges are gone. I don't feel like that was me and that my life was that awful. So, I have to try to relive it in a way because I don't want to forget).

But lucky for us, all that is in the PAST and it can stay there!

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Recovery - Momastery ? Momastery

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Wow, Pav and NS,

Pav, thank you. I guess I'm a little emotional today because I'm gettin misty again. Lack of sleep? And you're right. I need to start documenting the positive affirmations!!!! I've always had a hard time giving myself credit. That's probably where the perfectionism comes into play, too. If I'm perfect, then I can give myself a little credit. OMG. Incredible. I didn't see this until you pointed it out! I will pay attention to this.

NS, I got the drift! I will cement that into this hard head of mine. That is in the past. I don't want to relive that PAST. But I want to remember, but forgive myself. Forgiving. That's a hard concept for me to wrap my head around.

I AM A GOOD PERSON.

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Wow, Pav and NS,

Pav, thank you. I guess I'm a little emotional today because I'm gettin misty again. Lack of sleep? And you're right. I need to start documenting the positive affirmations!!!! I've always had a hard time giving myself credit. That's probably where the perfectionism comes into play, too. If I'm perfect, then I can give myself a little credit. OMG. Incredible. I didn't see this until you pointed it out! I will pay attention to this.

NS, I got the drift! I will cement that into this hard head of mine. That is in the past. I don't want to relive that PAST. But I want to remember, but forgive myself. Forgiving. That's a hard concept for me to wrap my head around.

I AM A GOOD PERSON.:l

[NoSugar]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

j-vo;1605126 wrote: . I need to start documenting the positive affirmations!!!! I've always had a hard time giving myself credit. That's probably where the perfectionism comes into play, too. :l

Perfectionism is my demon, J-Vo. To me, perfect was adequate. Well guess what? From there, the only way to go is down. Straight As on my report cards were what I expected. They didn't really make me happy but anything less would have upset me greatly. There is no room for excitement or pride or self-worth or joy when you've convinced yourself that your very best effort is the minimum requirement. And anything that I could do well, I considered to be something easy that anyone could do - not that I had special talents or gifts. It is a horrible way of thinking that sadly is so common, especially I think among girls.

It made me not try things unless I knew a priori that I would be good at them. Brene Brown wrote that perfectionism is the opposite of healthy striving and for me, that was so true.

I didn't spend my entire youth or adulthood thinking that way but enough remnants of that personality remained to cause me problems (obviously ). I'm still working on it... one of these days I'll learn to believe compliments and perhaps even compliment myself and mean it.

xx - NS