Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

[MossRose]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

j-vo, welcome back!! It doesn't matter how many times you start, as long as you finish, right? I've had so many Day 1s, I've lost count. But you are here, and that is a great start, and we'll stand right by you through it all. I think an accountability journal is a great idea. Keep posting. I look forward to getting to know you better.

Eloise - joining MWO was a great decision. It saved my life. Tell us a bit about yourself when you are ready. xx

[gettinitright]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

:thumbs: Well done on 5 days.

[SoberSoul]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

J-Vo welcome, Eloise, welcome. So happy for your determination. Stay strong and I will be routing you on and hopefully staying sober alongside of you. I feel some real positive energy here.

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

MossRose, Gettinitright, and Sobersoul, Thanks for the kind words of encouragement!

It's Saturday morning, and I slept like a baby. First time in forever that I woke up feeling so rested. It's Day 6 and I'm ready for more. Have lots planned to do today, and I have the energy to do it. How sweet is that! So thankful right now! Have a wonderful day.

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

It's Sunday morning. With a clear head, I'm grateful. To God, for giving me the faith I need and belief that i can beat this nasty beast. For MWO, and knowing of this site from many years ago, how it's helped so many people in recovery.

What I know now, and what I feel is that I am so very aware that I cannot drink normally. And when that ugly voice starts telling me things, I will know the beast is full of shit. Any time it starts sweet-talking, I will know how to handle it. I will turn to it and say, "I will not be fooled by you anymore. Try as you may, but you will not ruin my life anymore. I don't drink anymore."

So, last night, my husband and I went to a really nice restaurant. Beforehand, I went into Barnes and Noble and bought a few books. I love to read, and this is one thing that I don't do when I drink. What's the use? Nothing makes sense when I drink. So I was excited to get a few books. My husband is a normal drinker, and at dinner, he had a few glasses of beer with dinner. It really doesn't bother me, didn't entice me in the least. My mind feels so different this time around. I can't explain it except for the fact that I feel so confident. Anyhow, dinner was delicious! I had scallops with an orange marmalade sauce. What did come to my mind was that when drinking, I never really care about what I'll eat when we go out. The only thing that mattered is what I'll drink, if I'll get a good enough buzz before I eat, and not to eat too much so that I can continue my buzz without that food getting in the way. It was never about the food. Always about the drink. Not last night. Scallops were delicious, and I had desert! Creme brule'. Spelling. Oops!

A friend of mine was having a Halloween party last night. They do this annually. Well, I have to say, a sad feeling went through me. I envisioned everyone having a good time, laughing, drinking, eating...Most of them are normal drinkers. I'm sure there are a few like me hidden somewhere in the crowd. But I didn't go, because only being a week into this, I didn't think I needed to see first hand what i had envisioned in my head. My husband went for a little while, which, again I was so fine with. He went for about an hour, came home and told me who was there, his conversations, which of course, are always the same and predictable. I was happy staying home, cuddling with my dog and reading my book. So I guess the beast did stop in last night. But I turned my head and said, I will not be fooled anymore. I won't ruin my life anymore. I don't drink. Go F**k off. Ooh! I like that addition!

I think I need to add to my list of things to do. Go to toolbox. I've read it many times, but I need to continue to remind myself of the reasons I don't drink anymore. Everyday, I need to remind myself of these things.

So glad I get to be productive today! Thank you, God!

[lifechange]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Hi J-vo, I missed your thread for some reason! I'm so happy to see that you're making so much progress. Well done on conquering that first week. I'm proud of you for making the decision to skip the party last night. I think it's making these sorts of decisions that allows up to have the chance to kill the beast. Knowing that we have to make some changes, adapt to some new ideas of how to live life-- We gain strength each time we say, "hey, f*** off- you're not fooling me this time!" Keep posting each and every day-- let us know how you are here and in the Nest--connecting to others has made the difference for me this time. Having people who understand and accept me. Really glad you're here!

[sunshine_gg]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Welcome back J-Vo!

You and me, both. I could have written your post intro.

Let's DO THIS, k?

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Lifechange, thanks for your words of support. It is making lots of changes, adapting to new ideas of how we live life. Well said, and I agree. Thank you bunches!

Sunshine_gg, we can do this!

So, today is the beginning of a new week. I had another great night's sleep. Even though I get up pretty early (5:30) it was a good Monday. I had energy, was productive at work, and was just plain peaceful and happy. What a great feeling. I went to get my hair done after work, didn't get home until 6:00, and finally sitting down to write some things that are on my mind.

First of all, yesterday went to family member's b-day party. I would usually indulge in many drinks and start acting stupid. But I went and enjoyed great conversation, good food, and felt happy. I noticed one family member drinking before, during, and after dinner. I was observing her behavior the whole time, as I was curious how stupid I looked time after time at these and other functions. Not pretty. Well, she tends to be pessimistic about most things, and frankly, not a very nice person towards others. As the evening wore on, she became slightly obnoxious, talking about others, who were in the next room, as well as other family members not in attendance. That's nothing new. By the end of the evening, hubby was a annoyed with her, and I could see that she would not be feeling well today. I thought about it when I got home. What I made myself think about was, "I wonder how she's feeling right now, after she's drunk all that vodka?" What is she feeling like an hour later? Crappy, and I know it. This morning when I woke up today, I felt great, and I thought about how she would wake up, after a restless night's sleep. I just want to keep making myself aware of how i was, and happy I am where I am right now. I'm just 8 days AF today, but I feel good, feel hopeful.

I thought about this also. People talk about hitting bottom. If you don't hit bottom, you'll keep going back for more. Well, I have been living near the bottom for lots and lots of years. That's not a life I wanna live anymore. I wanna live near the top. Nope, not a perfect life, but a satisfying, productive, peaceful life. Too many years living near the bottom has made me miss out on lots. I have regrets. But I can't do anything but change it now. Although i've never had a DUI, been arrested, or whatever happens to people, I COULD HAVE. So that's just as bad as it happening. Could have killed myself or someone else, done major damage. Not ok. Never ok.

Day 8, Thank you God.

[concept cure]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Oh do i hear you--im 39 years old--ive lost the last 10 years to al--save for an 8 month stint-last year of com[ete sobriey--then i picked up a bottle one day and ive been drunk for the last 11months--im on my 3rd day of tapering so tomorrow should be al free--day 1--my body feels like i got hit by 8 trucks--i dont think id make it thru another binge--felt like i wasnt gonna wake up more than once--so j-vo--we need to find get this job done at all costs--one day at a time---

[NoSugar]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Hi, Concept Cure

Welcome to MWO!

As well as here, you could check out the Newbies Nest. It is a fairly busy thread with people at all stages of getting free. The link is given below with one to the Toolbox which is full of great ideas.

Giving up 11 months must have been really tough! Did you use something like MWO that time?

Anyway, people have success here - you can, too !

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Hi concept cure, you have done this before, have been sober for 8 months. Congratulations on that! And you know you did it before, so you can do this again. The longest I went was 6 months. So keep your chin up, start drinking lots of water with lemon, and let's kick Al's ass! Yes, check in Newbie's Nest. Lots of wonderful posts that are encouraging. See you in the nest.

[concept cure]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

thank you-people--yes i do believe al needs an asskicking-why not give it too him now i say--no i just discovered mwo this past weekend as i shivered and shook my way out of a bad binge--it looks very good--my 8 months of sobriety came after 60 days at a top notch rehab--i cant even tell you what happened--i picked up that bottle and she was all over--here i sit 11 months later--but i cant look back-at the pain and suffering i caused--i have to look forward--i know that--

[NoSugar]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

The good thing with MWO is you don't ever have to check out and do it on your own !

[concept cure]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

thanks no sugar--great point--

[MossRose]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

j-vo;1574454 wrote: I was happy staying home, cuddling with my dog and reading my book.

I love this. j-vo, you are doing great. I'm inspired. Looking forward to reading more of your posts. It's amazing how many of us find our love of reading again once we are sober. I could never finish a book, or even a paragraph, when I was drinking. Now, I fall asleep reading a book every night.

Concept cure - glad you are here. We are standing by you. Hang in there and post often.