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Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

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    #616
    Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

    Yes it is a fine line. And a very slippery, steep slope. Best to avoid it is the answer for us.

    I'm not sure why, but I feel quite happy starting again this time. It seems to be a different perspective this time. Maybe partly because I'm not coming in very depressed and taking a week to get past that. I slept well last night. I think having a positive agenda is really helping. ..... Good luck j-vo. We WILL do this

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      #617
      Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

      That's wonderful Petrel! And I'm feeling quite different this time as well. I think I've finally gotten to the point of acceptance that I cannot drink. And it's not a feeling of being angry. It's just fact of who I am and what I need to do. It's a part of what makes me j-vo and I'm good with that.
      Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

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        #618
        Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

        I've been listening to the Bubble Hour on Service in Recovery. Doing something for someone no matter how small can be so important in recovery for both parties involved. Whether it's doing something such as driving someone somewhere, listening to someone, even if you don't have the answers, checking on someone that you know may be in trouble, giving someone a pat on the back or a virtual hug, any little thing. I think that's why my job can be so rewarding. Doing things for kids that don't have what most kids have (I work in a low income school district), just a little post card home, a smile as they come in the door. Maybe they didn't get that smile or breakfast before coming to school which is quite prevalent where I work. Eating lunch with a kid and making them hot chocolate. It means so much to them. If we do something or say something nice to someone here each day, it may help in a small or big way. You never know.
        Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

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          #619
          Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

          Addiction Relapse Prevention Plan to Save Your Life
          Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

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            #620
            Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

            Post-Acute Withdrawal Symptoms - Relapse Prevention Strategies
            Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

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              #621
              Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

              This video gave me a new and much clearer understanding on the disease model of addiction. We are not immoral, weak, or bad people. Excellent.

              The disease model is this...

              Organ, then

              Defective organ based on condition, results in

              Symptoms

              Well, our organ is the mid-brain. There is a defect in the pleasure part of our brain - not enough dopamine released. Pleasure that increases mass amounts of dopamine is our drug of choice. When we don't get the dopamine release due to unmanaged stress, this results in our symptoms...loss of control, craving, persistent drug use despite negative consequences. The way we get dopamine rushes is from a whole list of drugs he pointed out, including alcohol. We need our tools in place to regulate our stress levels and increase dopamine naturally. So...Here's his definition of addiction:

              "Addiction is a dysregulation of the mid brain (different from front cortex and he explains all of that) dopamine system due to unmanaged stress resulting in symptoms of decreased functioning...specifically loss of control, craving, persistent drug use. We need to use our tools as our treatment."

              I can't tell you how helpful this video was to me in understanding the whole disease model. I encourage all of you to watch!

              https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4Hz6-2NwRzE
              Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

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                #622
                Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

                Hi Soft Focus!

                Yes, I'm back on track and feeling good. I'm going to be even more aware of this beast and take the antabuse I have the next time I have those really shaking moments. I can't and won't mess up again. Getting through those mental cravings is tricky and can take you down in seconds.

                Thank you for asking! How are you doing? How is af life for you?
                Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

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                  #623
                  Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

                  It's time to start blogging again about my recovery. Please add any comments if you'd like to. I love the feedback. Anyhow, NS posted a great article called, "The Masks of Addiction." A little excerpt from the article...

                  "We are here because there is no refuge, finally from ourselves. Until we confront ourselves in the eyes and hearts of others, we are running. Until we suffer others to share our secrets with them, we have no safety from them. Afraid to be known, we can know neither ourselves, nor any other, we will be alone. Where else but in our common ground, can we find such a mirror? Here, together, we can at last appear clearly to ourselves not as the giant of our dreams, nor the dwarf of our fears, but as a person, part of a whole, with our share in its purpose. In this ground, we can take root and grow, not alone anymore as in death, but alive to ourselves and to others."

                  Recovery is living as authentically and honestly as possible. in authenticity, we escape the ghosts of the past and live and love as simply and honestly as possible. Recovery is a process of rebuilding the self-one piece at a time, one moment at a time.

                  The whole article below...

                  http://www.williamwhitepapers.com/bl...-recovery.html
                  Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

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                    #624
                    Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

                    I really like that article. I think the loved ones of addicts wear masks too.
                    No matter how far you go or how fast you run, you can't get away from yourself. ....said at an AA meeting. It stuck with me.

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                      #625
                      Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

                      Yep. Agree LB. I'm so glad we're escaping our ghosts of the past.
                      Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

                      Comment

                        #626
                        Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

                        It is my day one...for the 100th time. I totally understand what you are going through. I believe I am ready this time. AL has been making me so insanely depressed that I can not take the risk. I want to be whole for my family. Life could be so much easier if I wasn't sick or drunk the whole time. My dad died of this 2 years ago and my mom will be lucky to see the end of the year. I can go out like that and pass this along to my children and teach them this is how to live or I can look around and realize I am 36, healthy (aside form this disease) and have so much to live for. This will stop with me. I don't want to die. I want to not just live but thrive. I hate this disease and the pain it causes. I am sending everyone out there healing love. :heart::l:heart: Wishing good luck to us all.
                        We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.
                        ~Albert Einstein quote

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                          #627
                          Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

                          Tahati, I am on day 13. If you want me to be with you through this I am there. I will check in every day. I too have three children. I too have relapsed a total now of 7 times in the last 6 years. Yes. That's correct, I have only managed 'day 1' on seven occasions, in 27 years of drinking. Since the age of 16. I am 43. We are in this together. You can do this. In every alcoholic, there is The Alcoholic and The Loving Mother and Wife. x (Or in my case the Loving Father and Husband). When we drink it is not the real us. You must learn to separate your Alcoholic self, from the loving Tahiti underneath. With everyday that goes by that you go without alcohol she will come back to the surface, and the stronger she becomes the harder The Alcoholic will find it coming up for air. Eventually The Alcoholic will become starved of oxygen. Never EVER give up hope okay. xxx

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                            #628
                            Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

                            Tatah, we have all been right where you are. It isn't fun and it isn't what living is about. Living without alcohol is what life is. Being able to appreciate the simple and sweet things in life. Musomatt said great words above. Listen to her. And I'd also make a suggestion to head to the Newbie's Nest today. There's a team of people there that help the brand newbies and show them how to get to day two and beyond. Please find this thread and go there today. Byrdlady, Ava, NoSugar, Pav, Lav and great leaders that you want to follow in the Newbie's Nest. And Musomatt! She's on board also. One thing I wanted to mention...this site is going through tech difficulties, so it'll be shut down next week. A lot of people are going to another thread that Nursie started. Look for that on the right side of the forum or ask someone in Newbie's Nest as they all registered - it's free and it'll be for next week. Strength to you Tatah.
                            Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

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                              #629
                              Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

                              Thank you Musomatt and J-Vo... I am all about the support this time around. THank you for sharing your time and stories. I am so ready for change as scary as it is. I am on day three and finally starting to feel like myself again. One day at a time and yes, I have hit up the newbees nest as well. Day 3 woot, woot!
                              We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.
                              ~Albert Einstein quote

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                                #630
                                Tatahi- so glad you are still here and reckin' and rockin' day 3 now ....."Day 3 woot, woot!" indeed ...YOU CAN DO THIS ...STAY STRONG
                                “Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness”- Desmond Tutu


                                STL

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