Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

[concept cure]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

thank you moss rose--much appreciated--

[K9Lover]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

J-Vo....way to go! You are doing amazing and on day 8...keep it up. Be thankful that you never experienced the DUI's, arrests, handcuffs and cellmates like I did. I've been there/done that a few times and it ain't pretty. I always say "For me drinking isn't rainbows and butterflies...it's DUI's, handcuffs and a cellmate named Diablo"....and that is no exaggeration!

Concept - Glad you're here with us too. I know I have another binge in me, but I know that I DON'T have another quit in me...so I'm hanging onto this one for dear life. You can do it too...and we can help!

Doesn't Sunny gg look like a model? So pretty :h

Hang in there everyone...we can do this together!

[Queenbug]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Hello J-Vo...well done...this is a great thread...I'm back again after many many starts and one good go at being AF....stick with it...I also use book reading and snuggling with my puppy, or out walking with her at every opportunity...and drinking so much/many types of tea to stay steady. Even though I've made that mistake of relaxing and thinking I can 'just have one'...and struggle to get and stay sober for any amount of time...I also know that lovely feeling of ending a day knowing that I'm going to wake up without feeling sick and sad...keeps me coming right back and giving it another go.
Stick with it....it's really worth it.

Have a good day x

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Evening everyone,
It's so wonderful coming here and feeling the warmth and support. Thank you! Today was a quiet day, if you call being with 100 14 year olds quiet. Nope, that's never quiet. But quiet in my head. I'm not worrying about stupid stuff. And if brings me so much peace. I'm smiling at nothing, and little things. I don't know why this is happening right now, because every time I quit drinking, it was a major struggle. Thinking, obsessing, 24/7. That's ok. I'll take this on Day 9 and run with it. Maybe it's because I've finally come to terms with the truth? Maybe because I'm doing it "My Way" and not according to someone else's terms? I know recovery takes a strong commitment. I will come to MWO, read, give and receive support, and use all of the tools I've learned over the past several years. Oh, I think about drinking, what it did to me, and how gladI am that I'm not feeling like crap this very minute. How I felt sleepy but not hungover this morning. Sweet.

I am taking this ODAT. I don't want to look too far into the future. I need to concentrate on right now and not miss another minute. But the daily reminders are, I believe, are key for me. The daily support, commitment. I know there are so many things I need to work on including losing the 30 lbs. I've gained over the last three years, but you know what? That'll come. I'll get there. And I'm aware that I'm gonna have a shi**y day here and there, that there'll be bumps in my path. Frankly, I don't know how I got through those kinds of days feeling like I was.

Conceptcure, what you did is never necessary to tell. But not wanting it to happen again is why you're here, why you went to rehab, and why you'll succeed again.

NoSugar, true! That's what I like about this site. You're in recovery on your schedule. When I was in AA, I had 6 months, and what made me quit is the fact that i was burned out from my sponsor insisting that I be there three times a week. She didn't acknowledge the fact that I have a teen boy, a full-time job...Her life was AA. That may be right for some, but I need to work my own program. I need to customize it for myself, as everyone does. What works for one may not work for another.

MossRose, thank you!!!!

K9, I've followed your posts over the years and you're a very positive, strong, and inspirational person. Thank you for all that you give. And your post made me laugh, even though true, still. I think looking back and laughing at some things is ok, like the image you gave me. Most of the time, I don't laugh at what I felt or did. I recoil and cover my face. That's why I need to stay away from alcohol. I don't want to hide my face any longer.

Queenbug, what kind of tea do you like? I like a few, and I'm trying to cut down on coffee and diet coke. Need new tasty drinks. And yes, I love knowing I'm not going to wake up without feeling sick and sad. That is the icing on the cake!

Have a wonderful evening. Going to my son's scrimmage basketball game!

[Queenbug]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

...well....earl grey tea, rose pouchong tea, green tea, white tea, camomile tea, chai tea, yorkshire tea, peppermint tea, nettle tea, flush you through tea, warm you up tea, calm you down tea, ginger tea, iced tea, mango tea, lemon tea....the list goes on...you did ask :H....have a good evening x

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

LOL! Thanks Queenbug! That's quite a list!

[gingersnap]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Hi, I too am a repeat newbie and I am so tired of it. I am sick of hiding and sneaking around and trying to make everyone think I'm this put together person, that works hard and takes care of everyone. I know deep down the harmful effects that are slowly creeping into my life. I am 63 yrs young (I like to think) and I am so tired of this. I have so much to be thankful for in my life but I am killing myself. I am fine all day and have a long to do list when I leave work. Things to keep me busy. Then it is like a force overtakes me when I get in the car, I stop and get a bottle of wine and that is that. A couple months ago I went 5 days w/o AL and felt so good - got so much done. Now I may go a day or a couple days...then I'm back. I am determined yesterday was the last day I will drink this poison - Today is Day 1. I know I need to make a plan on paper, come here and reach out to others. I think that is the thing that is hardest for me - reaching out. I am seen in my family as the rock, the strong one - so many would be shocked at my struggle. My co-workers would not believe the life I live when I leave work. OK, I am going to put a plan together and come back here several times a day. I just need someone to understand me. Ginger

[DreamThinkDo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Ginger, reaching out can take many forms - congratulating somebody on reaching a milestone is one way of reaching out. You don't have to respond to any or all posts.

Here, you can be you: weak, strong, scared, confident, happy, sad, (fill in as many blank spaces as you want).

About understanding: my goodness, you've just landed in the pound seats here! We all have a T-shirt or 20.

[NoSugar]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

gingersnap;1576666 wrote: I am sick of hiding and sneaking around and trying to make everyone think I'm this put together person, that works hard and takes care of everyone.

I am determined yesterday was the last day I will drink this poison - Today is Day 1. I know I need to make a plan on paper, come here and reach out to others. I think that is the thing that is hardest for me - reaching out. I am seen in my family as the rock, the strong one - so many would be shocked at my struggle. My co-workers would not believe the life I live when I leave work. OK, I am going to put a plan together and come back here several times a day. I just need someone to understand me. Ginger

I think I understand you, Ginger :l

You're the good daughter, the understanding friend who is supportive, nonjudgmental and discreet, the hard worker who doesn't balk at extra, unpaid responsibility, the ever-available parent, the over-achiever who never breaks a sweat and makes it look easy.

Once established, those roles seem almost impossible to shed. The hardest thing for me was to admit, even to myself, that I needed help. And even when I failed repeatedly on my own, I just couldn't ask for help and risk not being seen as perfect. I finally did it -- here -- and its one of the best things I ever did.

If any of this sounds familiar, you might take a look at this: The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are: Brene Brown: 9781592858491: Amazon.com: Books. I read it recently and it helped me understand some choices I've made that probably contributed to the drinking problem.

Anyway - close connections here on MWO and a specific plan were, are, and always will be critical for me. You'll never regret doing this. Have a great day 1 .

[Queenbug]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Stay close Ginger...here for you. Totally get what you say about managing enormous amounts of stuff all day...then caving in to that bottle of wine and BOOM.....that's been my way for years and years. You can do it....even if you do and start again...and stop again..and again..etc. each time you learn something and grow stronger in different ways. :welcome:

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Hi Ginger,
Yes, I know we all "get you." My living near the bottom was the low feeling of myself, the horrible hangovers and hangovers that could be bad with "just one" bottle of wine. It's the same, day after day, and I know your feeling. As you can see, here at MWO, it's such a supportive and loving group. Stay here and your day 1 will grow quickly, as will your will to live a productive life.

Good evening! Getting ready for my chiropractic appointment. So glad I've gotten back and am getting myself healthy again. Went on Saturday and had lots of adjustment after not having gotten adjusted for over two years. Baby steps!

Today was a good day. I was feeling a little sluggish in the middle of the day. I know that's ok, because sometimes I worry about things and it drains me a bit. I was observed today by two principals, and it's a little unnerving for me. That was this morning, first period, so I was glad to get it out of the way. But again, I may have been more nervous that I let myself believe. It still went well!

I'm so glad to be here. I told hubby I need an iPad, that way when I'm waiting for appts or waiting for my son's games, I can be productive and read and post here. I'd like to know that I have access to this site 24/7 so that if or when I feel kinda crappy and weak, I know I can quickly log on and get support. So, hopefully soon, IPAD!!!!

Have a wonderful evening.

[Queenbug]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

j-vo....observed today....know that very well....and you were only a 'little' unnerved...big respect! By the way...IPADS rock : ))

[Eloise]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Hey- lost track of this thread but found it just now. With subscribe to it & write later. Sleepy now. Tomorrow is day 7 & was thinking about setting a goal of 14 days AF, but scared to self sabotage. Gonna stick with 'just today..." Don't need too much pressure.
Slept well last night for first time in weeks!

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Thanks Queenbug, glad you can relate! I've always had a difficult time with superiors observing me, and just superiors in general. I've struggled with severe social anxiety, and lots of my drinking began when I had bouts of it. It was almost 24/7. I've gotten better with some of it, but not as far as I want to be. Again, baby steps. I've got to concentrate on this beast now, then work on that another time.

Hi Eloise! Congrats on day 6! 7 will be better. I think ODAT is the best way. I know the pressure feeling, and I don't deal well with that. Let me know how you're doing.

[MossRose]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

j-vo - just wanted to say hi and let you know that I'm following along with you. Congrats on staying so strong. I stick very close to MWO too, as I have found it a life-saver when I feel weak or scared or tired or...whatever. Glad you are here.

NoSugar;1576677 wrote: I think I understand you, Ginger :l

You're the good daughter, the understanding friend who is supportive, nonjudgmental and discreet, the hard worker who doesn't balk at extra, unpaid responsibility, the ever-available parent, the over-achiever who never breaks a sweat and makes it look easy.

Once established, those roles seem almost impossible to shed. The hardest thing for me was to admit, even to myself, that I needed help. And even when I failed repeatedly on my own, I just couldn't ask for help and risk not being seen as perfect. I finally did it -- here -- and its one of the best things I ever did.

If any of this sounds familiar, you might take a look at this: The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are: Brene Brown: 9781592858491: Amazon.com: Books. I read it recently and it helped me understand some choices I've made that probably contributed to the drinking problem.

Anyway - close connections here on MWO and a specific plan were, are, and always will be critical for me. You'll never regret doing this. Have a great day 1 .

NS - this is brilliant stuff. I hope everyone here gets a chance to read it. You have nailed it perfectly. Ginger - NoSugar is wise, and you are lucky to have watching out for you.