Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Day 40. I'm really happy!

[Eloise]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Great j-vo!!

[Eloise]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Gosh I wish I had jumped on this thread yesterday in my moment of weakness.
back on track. Looking forward.

[Caper]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Wow, j-vo... you just completely ruined drinking for me by re-posting WIP's comments....
Thank you, and God bless you.... and congrats on your 40 days!

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Hi Eloise, just start over darling! You can do this. Pm me if you need to!

Caper, so glad you read that. I know anything that resonates with me is going into my journal and that one had lots of good tools. Keep going!

[available]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Thanks for that post JVO very powerful by WIP and I completely agree with what was said. I need to feel grateful everyday for not having AF in my life instead of wishing/wanting a drink. The mind is a powerful tool.

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Available, I'm available anytime sweetie!

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Day 1. Today is a reflection day. I need to make some changes in my program. Going to take the time to think about this today. Getting on treadmill. Looking forward.

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

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My Way Out Forums > Introduction & General Discussion > General Discussion
What's your "Program" and What Makes it Solid?
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#1 (permalink)
11-29-2013, 01:01 PM

j-vo
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What's your "Program" and What Makes it Solid?
I've been reading and learning, re-learning about sobriety. There are so many ways people stay sober, and that's my goal. I've tried many methods, and what's right for one person does not necessarily work for another. But what is it that makes one's program solid? Is it meetings, how many meetings? Is it coming here to MWO and reading, posting, supporting, or face-to-face and MWO? I've been reading and posting on MWO, writing in my journal in Just Starting Out, but lately, I've been considering this question. Do I need more? What will keep me from being sucked into that Rabbit Hole? Did you start off at MWO then realize you needed more? I would be grateful for any and all replies. Thanks!!!!
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Alcohol is a very patient drug. It will wait for the alcoholic to pick it up one more time. ~Mercedes McCambridge

AF October 21, 2013 to November 30
December 1, 2013

#2 (permalink)
11-29-2013, 01:15 PM

NoraC
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Really good question. Wish I had the answer. I try to stick very close to MWO. I run into problems when I pull away from here. I have a core group of people that I can lean on for support.
Will be interested to hear other people's opinions.
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"Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me.".....Carol Burnett
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#3 (permalink)
11-29-2013, 01:54 PM

Sunbeam
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Hi J-Vo,
It is good to see you again.

My best tool is a list of 100 ways to stay sober that I got from Mario, then posted on the toolbox thread. I made it my own, deleting redundant activities, checking off ones I had done. The same thing could be accomplished through repeated visits for ideas to that thread. You will know you have done enough when you don't want to drink any more. Often just looking at my list gave me the boost I needed. I haven't looked at it for several months now.
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#4 (permalink)
11-29-2013, 04:29 PM

sammynorm
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My 'program' seems to be a little of a number of things. I typically hit 0 to 3 'recovery' meetings a week. Depending on how life is going. Sometimes it's 1 meeting a day if there's something 'big' going on (like when I found out a childhood friend drank himself to death). The recovery meetings consist of AA and Buddhist recovery meetings. I'm also working with a therapist, I see her every 2 weeks. Other than that, this website, books, writing/journaling.

I think the biggest thing for me is not to forget I can't drink and use drugs 'normally' (although the people in the non-recovery world are continually trying to help me forget this fact).
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#5 (permalink)
11-29-2013, 05:48 PM

NoSugar
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Hi, j-vo

I read this earlier today and thought about it a lot on our drive home. It is a good point that we need to have a support system in place. I'm not sure why but right now I'm in the Easy Breezy days. However, that will not always be the case and it is important to be prepared.

I have not talked about this in gory detail with anyone in my real world life and have never attended a meeting.

So - MWO and a few individuals I have met here are my sources of support. I think this is enough because the only thing I have to do is to NEVER take that first drink.

Staying connected daily is important to me. An early morning check-in reinforces my commitment for the day. Trying to help others by typing what I believe makes those beliefs more and more a part of me. I think the process of organizing your thoughts and typing them out helps rewire your brain. The stories of others remind me daily where I was and where I will be again if I take a drink.

Also important is staying open to what others here are sharing. Lav and FallenAngel helped me understand the transformative power of gratitude. That has really helped me change my thinking in ways that go beyond not drinking but for that, each and every day I am thankful I do not need to drink and am free of all the chains that went with that.

I have promised myself that I will post here or contact a friend before I drink. Just thinking about posting has stopped me in my tracks. Now that I am once again keeping promises to myself, this is a good tool that I know I will use if I need to.

Earlier in my quit, MWO was unavailable periodically - often for several hours or even a day. This really shook me up and inspired me to be sure I could get in touch with at least a few people by phone or email if necessary. I think that is pretty important if your main or only source of support is online. Have a back-up plan.

I have read voraciously about alcoholism and addiction and watched several videos and documentaries. This is my typical approach to problem solving but I didn't let myself do it for this problem until I finally started to solve it by joining MWO. Once I began learning and putting into practice what I learned, things started to click. I plan to continue learning as much as I can.

Everyone in my real life knows I no longer drink and I don't want to ever again. So, while they are not a source of support in the sense of knowing how trapped I was, they would question my drinking again. Since there is no reason I should ever drink again, the thought of trying to answer that question is a deterrent. There is no excuse for me to ever drink again and this is entirely under my control and my responsibility.

And finally, I am re-becoming the person I was before I became addicted and I trust myself not to make such a stupid, self-destructive choice.

That said, if all of the above ever did not seem to be sufficient, I would find an in-person program. That thought terrifies me but not as much as going back.

Thanks for the thread - I'm glad to have thought through this.

NS
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#6 (permalink)
11-29-2013, 06:07 PM

allswell
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MWO was a welcome addition to several other changes I made in my life which made a huge difference.
Exercise regularly, never skip meals, eat healthy, get plenty of rest, rid myself of people that aren't a compliment to my sobriety, and finding new and interesting people , places, and activities. It took awhile to put it all into place but when it all comes together it's a reminder of what a life drainer drinking is. It's so refreshing not having to fear the future.
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Back on track - 1/9/12, progress but not perfection one day at a time.

#7 (permalink)
Yesterday, 07:59 AM

Lavande
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Hi j-vo!

It's true that we are all different & have different needs!

I think the thing that really helped me was working up the courage to strip away the bullshit & be completely honest with myself for the first time in a long time.
Why did I continue to drink even when I really didn't want to drink? I was simply using AL to numb some emotional stuff that I didn't want to face
Breaking the pattern of self-destructive behavior is hard work but it can be done! Finding substitute behaviors that are healthy & help you to heal are key! For me it was meditation & exercise.
I visit MWO at least twice per day. I've made some great virtual friends here who seem to know me better than my real life friends. I've received much support over the past nearly 5 years here

Wishing you continued success

Lav
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Success comes one day at a time

#8 (permalink)
Today, 10:06 AM

j-vo
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Well, obviously my program needs adjustments as I drank last night. I will get this. Filled now with shame and regret that I let AL into my life, yet once again.

Nora, staying close to the boards will be priority.

Sammy, I think I need face to face contact added to my program. I need more support and being accountable to others.

No sugar, Thanks for the thoughtful post. I know the power of gratitude and being in that mode is where I need to be in order for long-lasting sobriety. I also need to make promises to myself and do it daily. I'm an avid reader and I need to start rereading. My sobriety needs to be priority.

All well, yet another important addition to my program is exercise and clean eating.

Lavande, being honest with self is on my list. I know that if I drink, I will lose. Lose my health, my life. I used or meditate as well, mostly for my severe anxiety. I know it works.

Thank you all for the feedback!
__________________
Alcohol is a very patient drug. It will wait for the alcoholic to pick it up one more time. ~Mercedes McCambridge

AF October 21, 2013 to November 30
December 1, 2013

#9 (permalink)
Today, 10:08 AM

j-vo
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Sunbeam, what page is your list on. Thank you!
__________________
Alcohol is a very patient drug. It will wait for the alcoholic to pick it up one more time. ~Mercedes McCambridge

AF October 21, 2013 to November 30
December 1, 2013



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[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

What a wonderful thread...
J-Vo, I'm so sorry that you are starting again. I feel like I wrote the book on that one... I could have saved myself A LOT of despair had I quit and just stayed quit. I hope this one you embark on will be the one that sticks. It is inevitable that we quit, it's just a matter of when.
My game plan is a combo of Lav and NoSugar's! I check in here all thru out the day. I stay in the newbie's nest because I see what AL does to people first hand. I see what happens after a period of sobriety and how those people feel after having taken a drink. In a way, the NN is a reflection of ALL stages of ALK'ism. I can see the past, present and future there. I know from bitter experience what ONE drink will do and I'm one drink away from repeating the cycle all over again. No thanks.
My game plan is to STAY connected with my support system. Like NoSugar, I had Lav to lean on for extra support! Just the thought of having her there was a huge help. I respect her so much....I still look to her for guidance. I do what she does and so far, so good.
I do not put myself into temptation's way. I don't cook with AL and I don't handle AL.
I do not buy AL.
I do not attend AL free for all's in my neighborhood. If I HAVE to go to one for my work, I go late and leave early.
I will not consume ONE DROP of AL. Not one, not ever.
I will stay connected with support here on MWO.
I will protect my QUIT with all I've got....because as it turns out, it's all I've got.
I will not yield to peer pressure...I don't care what they think.
What's in a glass does not make the moment....people do.
I will put myself in the service of others....if I can help one person escape this trap, I will do it.

All the best to you....Byrdie
__________________

[istym4me]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

J-Vo, I hope you are doing okay. Thinking of you and truly hope you aren't feeling too badly.
We do tend to kick ourselves when we are down and it's just not a good thing to do. YOU DID 40 days! That's huge!!

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Isty, thank you! Well, Day 1 and I'm doing fine. Just a little grumpy with myself. I will not forget the 40 days I had under my belt, but have made some changes in my program. I know that incorporating exercise and good, clean eating will be a must. And I've got some good supports. I've promised myself that I will call someone when I wanna pick up. So progress...

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

A post from About Time too...

enormously reflective right now
I’ve just spent a few hours looking over old posts on this site and copies of posts that I put onto the board that got lost. I’ve also been looking at some new posts too. I’m not really part of this community as I used to be but I used to hang off every post on this site 3 years ago.

Well today it is three years without a drop of alcohol for me. Three years ago this seemed like impossibility but it is not, it is real and it is now and I did it and am doing it. I’d say that I did not reach rock bottom but I saw it coming – I got close enough to get very scared. I know some people have to go pretty low, but I’m a lucky one. Wine was my mechanism.. blackout was my escape. I think I could have gone lower than I did. A big part of me doubted that I could get sober, but it turns out that I am tougher than I thought I was, thank goodness.

In the beginning, I thought, if only I can get sober everything else will sort out. Well, it’s not quite like that, but it sure helps to be sober when the other crap continues!!

So, after three years do you think I can start moderating my drinking? I’ve read so many people who start out from a bad drinking place and then they think, maybe I can start moderating now (usually after 30 days or something) and so many of them I have watched fail. Of my friends who over drink, I think they delude themselves when they ‘think’ they are moderating, just as I used to. I do not personally know anyone who has done it successfully, long term, and by that I mean 10 years plus. Whenever someone talks about moderating my heart sinks so I don’t talk about it for myself. If I’m honest with myself, I know moderation is too great a risk for me and I never managed it. That core of honesty in me has remained solid and I hold onto it for dear life. I really do not believe that someone who has drunk badly for 10 or more years or who drank to escape emotion as I did can end up doing moderation… I just don’t (please note that I am not saying anything about anyone else, just stating my opinion as it relates to me). If I accept why I drank (and assuming I am right in my underlying reason why I drank) then why would I try a taste of that again as I know where it took me. When I think of moderation I think of that Audrey Kishline woman.. the head of that moderation management group… and what moderation led her to – it would lead me to the same delusion, I know. I’m still young at abstinence. 3 years is nothing, but its all I’ve got. I’ll feel ok when I’ve done about 20 years, I reckon. (says she hopefully)

I think that I got to a rock solid realisation that I was killing myself and that underneath it, actually I did not want to die, even though I was deeply unhappy. And even this far along on my road, there are still times when things are tough. I’ve had some huge issues to deal with this year, to be frank, but what good would drink do in my situation. Absolutely nothing. A drink or a slip or a relapse or whatever it gets called is simply not an option because it represents a path to my self destruction…. a path that I have decided to alter. Another thing which has altered is my chasing the action. I no longer swoop into rescue mode when friends are in strife.. I no longer try to spend time fixing other peoples problems at the expense of my own. I DO help and I DO listen and I DO act for my friends, but not at my OWN expense… there is a difference. Its like I am seeking the peace now – not the action.

So what do I do now that I’m sober. Well I continue the work on myself. My diet has remained good. My exercise has become a way of life. Meditation is also part of life. People tell me how good I look now that I’m fit, but I’m more interested in how I’m feeling and that is my focus. The nature of my friendships has altered. I cannot be bothered with meaninglessness anymore (harsh but its where I am). If I know you, I want to know what you feel and who you are and I want you to know the same about me. I’m not interested in superficiality or pretence or the false and fragile laughter of the alcoholic buzz. Actually reading that last little bit I sound pretty intense, which I guess I am. Well, that’s me. Sure there are lingering things that will continue to be issues in my life, but they no longer consume me and I have the skills and strategies to deal with them as they arise. I used to drink to avoid emotion, but that is no longer the case. I can survive emotion and living emotions and dealing with them has made me a better person and I’d like to say perhaps, made me easier to live with. I am not someone who has given this up to a higher power because actually it’s me that has done this, not some abstract power. I take responsibility for getting me into that hole I was in 3 years ago and I’m the one who has climbed out. I don’t think a website can get you sober, or a pill. I don’t think prayer can do it either. I’m not saying that these things don’t have a place for some people, and I’m not saying that finding people on this site who were trying to get sober and sharing information with them didn’t help me cos it did. But it was more than that - much much more.. I can no longer blame anyone other than myself if I drink. I cannot blame God.. or some pill or some website – I cant even blame an ‘issue’. It does not matter how much I learn about brain function or personality typing and believe me, I researched that no end, it’s my actions that matter. If I drink I can only blame me. Similarly, if I’m unhappy then that is something I need to work on. It’s all up to me. This is my way.

I did a fair bit of research before I started to go sober and most of it suggested that the first three years were the tough ones. I”d agree with that. Sure, getting on top of being able to stay sober has its highlights, but I think the research I read about was talking more about the underlying issues. There have been times of delusion when I thought that now I was sober I could change everything in my life (in a running away fashion – and much like I used to run to the bottle), but that may not necessarily be the right thing to do. I made a promise to myself at the beginning that I would not make any major decisions for 3 years. I’m glad I kept that promise to myself, because over time I have come to think differently about many things and it all seems to work out in the end. If I stand where I am in my own skin and face myself in all my ugliness, unhappiness, bitterness and despair – that is where the change needs to occur. That is my truth. And in doing so I have found that I am actually not so ugly after all and I can and am increasingly finding peace.

I truly believe that everyone who comes to a site such as this, or the other sites that are out there knows in their heart what they need to do to fix things in their lives. For me I had to face some deep pain and tackle it long and hard. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life and the best. It’s not good enough to talk about this stuff, or to read about it.. I just had to do it properly – and it takes sobriety, time and energy to do this stuff, but doing it has changed me.

No going back for me, no ways. I cannot find the words to describe how much better life is… (note, I’m not saying life is perfect just cos I’m sober, because it is NOT perfect at all) but I can deal with things now. You know, I look at old people and I wonder, was their life happy? If I don’t make my life happy then I can expect no one else to make me happy. My happiness cannot be reliant on someone else because I know I cannot be responsible for anyone else’s happiness. Sure we all have an impact on each other, but you know what I mean. I’d say this is growing up at last. If I spend my life wanting to be someone else, or wishing my life could be different then I’m in a dream. Far better to live MY life as ME and to be ok with it. I’m into DOING things now.. not thinking about them or sitting and wishing.

I had already decided to turn my life around when I found this site. I did not do RJ’s program, but my own. I have not read her book or become a paying member.. to me getting sober was an individual thing just about me.. and what I did was what I knew I should do, not what someone else did.. Similarly I did not do AA. This site may not be the best place for someone, just as AA is not for everyone. Before I started I researched quite a lot. All AA said was ‘this is the only way’ – and not having read RJ’s book, I was not clear what was being proposed on this site, but I got the feeling that there was a pill being offered and there was a lot of hope of moderation here. This site was very young and to be frank, it was the people posting that made a difference to me and that was an opportunity which I took. When I started I wanted someone else to have the answer for me but I had to find it in myself. In the end most of my work has been inner work, and to do that I had to stay sober. At its heart, this is a lonely task.. no one can do it for me and I can do it for no one but myself. However, saying some honest things about how difficult that first bit was on this forum in this anonymous way did help me a lot and for that I was glad I posted here even though the offer of moderation on this board was so confronting for me, given how much I disagree with it for myself and for the vast majority who come a website seeking help for over drinking. However, no one could tell me what to do, just as I can tell no one but myself. I will never forget how hard that first bit of sobriety was and I will never forget some kind people (no longer on the forum) who helped me in the beginning. I used to spend time and energy trying to help people on this site to get sober.. as my way of paying it back, but now I just try to say it as it is for me. I can do no more.

Anyway my program to sobriety was
Cold turkey
Honesty
Organic diet
Meditation
Counselling
Inner work
Exercise (core strength, weights and cardio is important to me)
Determination
I did not do meds (I had spent enough years self medicating) I don’t do supplements

I have no need to run into the bottle anymore cos I’m ok. I am alive and happiness is mine to choose. My life is better this way, there is no doubt. Do I miss drinking? NO. I’m living in my own skin and life is much easier this way. I guess I am just continuing to walk away from the insanity that was my life 3 years ago.
About time too

[aclassicgirl]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

I can't thank you enough for that. I'm not looking forward to the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I'm really looking forward to the next 20 years being dramatically different than the last 20.
Peace.

[MntGirl]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Haven't been on here in just over a year. wish I could say I had good news, but no, here I am starting out again for the 1000th time. anxiety attacks have been terrible I've become agoraphobic, and I ve finally seen the toll my drinking has taken on everyone around me. Last month I stopped for a week, didn't hardly crave it, swam and ran everyday, felt good. then drank, then went 5 days, then drank, this week drank 4 out 7 days to excess. I gotta do it this time