Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

[poppy62]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

j vo everything that you have said could be me I am 51 and have tried to moderate my binge drinking its never worked so today I told my family friends I have a problem and asked for their support day 1 AF for me hoping for a lifetime of it . Good luck xx

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Ok, another reflective moment for me, due to a conversation with a wonderful mentor...

My days off are a danger to me. Now, we all need days off, but I need to plan my days off a little more carefully and know that this is a time that really throws me off. No schedule? Doomed! So, now I need to carefully schedule my days off. Well, at least for a long time. I won't give up sleeping in on Saturday, so that's out of the question! But I need to think of how to plan more activities with hubby on those nights where I don't need to get up for work. And in the summer time. As my son is getting older, I know I have more time alone, especially in the summertime. Maybe it's time to join a gym? Perhaps. Need to do more thinking in this area.

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Hi Eloise and NoSugar! Thanks for being a constant in my journal. I appreciate it. Eloise, glad you're back. And glad you got through that witching, bitching hour! Good for you! Have you always been a knitter? Sounds like a comfy thing to do and keep your hands busy on the yarn and not on a glass of wine!

Hi Poppy, I posted in your thread. So glad you're here and have done what you did. It was hugely brave of you, and your boys will be so relieved to have you back. That's one of my biggest regrets from drinking...letting son down. He knew always, even when he was young. And even over the last few months, he's coming back to me and it feels so good, better than anything in the world. Good luck in your journey and we're here for you. I'm on here everyday, at least a few times, as it's my priority now. Thanks for sharing!

[Pavati]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Hi, J-Vo:

Those unscheduled times are murder for me, too. As teachers our time is SO scheduled when it is that sometimes it is hard for me to find my bearings when I have time off. I like the idea of writing a schedule - even for completing chores, going to the gym, whatever. Makes sense.

[Change]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

poppy62;1594092 wrote: j vo everything that you have said could be me I am 51 and have tried to moderate my binge drinking its never worked so today I told my family friends I have a problem and asked for their support day 1 AF for me hoping for a lifetime of it . Good luck xx

Same.

J-vo, definately join a gym, you won't look back

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Pav, going to structure my summers, and wow, am I looking forward to a sober summer.

Hi Change, yes, that sounds like a wonderful idea. If I can find a buddy, might do it.

Today is day 4 for me. GSR: Gratitude, Sanity/Serenity, and Rebirth.

[lifechange]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Hi J-vo! I've been wanting to meander on over here for some time! What an honest, thought provoking thread. You are continuing to learn about your way out, thinking up new plans for dealing with difficult situations (time off), never giving up. Good to see you on day 4 again! Big hugs to you..:l

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Lifechange,
Thank you so much for the encouraging words and support. That means a great deal to me. I feel really strong, yet centered and not overly confident. I want to keep the last "bad choice" fresh in my mind, and keep moving forward. In my mind, I'm feeling like I'm with this sobriety life. This is me, and I want it to be me. There were too many reasons, and I could name hundreds, that I should not drink. And I could name hundreds of reasons why I should stay sober. I think I"ll make that list eventually! And thanks so much again!

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

It's Day 7 here and I'm feeling quite good! It's basketball season and i'm really excited. My trigger days, Friday and Sat are taken care of this week with basketball games. Every Friday during regular season, I will be at games. So that leaves Sat as a trigger, and I'll do careful planning. I'm on guard, but I've taken the choice "off the table" so actually, the AL beast's voice is not visiting me. Happy Saturday everyone.

[Pavati]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Hi, J-Vo:

I wanted to stop by, but since we communicate on the LOM thread, I haven't really posted here. Sounds like you had a wonderful day - I feel relieved to have taken the choice off the table as well. Thanks for all of your support!

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Hi Pav, I know where I can find you, so if you don't post here, that's fine! Thanks, Dear.

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Lately, I've been feeling somewhat peaceful. This feeling doesn't happen much with me. But I've been reflecting on some things. I think because I've been fighting this beast for so very long, I realized that I don't need to fight anymore. I'm an alcoholic and I'm ok with that. There's only one thing I need to do...Not pick up that drink. So there's no chatter going on in my head of whether I should or shouldn't. The choice is off the table for me. I'm not afraid of the beast. I just ignore him. He's not a friend of mine anymore, even though he betrayed me thousands of times. I realize what he is... and he's going to hell. I'm going to heaven.

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Went to church and pastor was discussing a man who let "money" be his God until he opened his eyes and saw that was not what was important or made him happy. It actually created anger, greed, and a whole host of other issues in his life. Maybe we always looked to Alcohol as our "higher power" giving us what we needed, mistakenly believing that AL was good to us, made us be the person we needed to be, or allowed us to escape to another realm. But really, it made us greedy for more, put us in so many sad situations, and didn't allow us to be and feel who we really are. My God is not AL anymore.

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Not feeling great today as I had a crappy day at work. No details needed, just intolerance for lazy people not doing their job. I got myself pretty enraged and was like that for several hours today. I poured rage down my throat like I would AL. Where did it get me? Absolutely nowhere. No good results. Just more anger. So this is a note to myself. Next time this happens, as it has in the past - same situation, I will remove myself from the situation when possible, do some deep breathing, and think how I might change the situation. Being angry doesn't change a thing. It's poison, like AL. Didn't drink, wont drink.

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Did I say how much I love the thread "Ladies on a Mission?" Well, I do. What a beautiful group of women that post daily, support each other in this journey. I'm grateful to you all!

I love life without alcohol. The trigger nights will be there. I'm well aware. I think it's time that I reread some of my earlier posts, when I struggled, and how it feels when I'm sober.

Happy Hump Day!