Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Day 26, and Christmas week continues. I'm here with my family across state. 4-6 of us don't drink. That's because the beast has tried strangling us all, but luckily, we pulled out in time.

Yesterday, I was pleasantly reminded of the most horrific drunken situation. My aunt's 60th birthday. I blacked out, passed out in the bathroom in my cousin's house, had to be transported to another cousin's where I was staying, as I was out of town. Everyone knew. It was awful the next day. GSR's everywhere. I never want to relive that again. Ever. I lost respect for myself then, but continued to lose respect for myself, doing the same stupid shit over and over again. WTF? Oh no, not now. I will not succumb to that ugly AL ever again. I will have respect for myself, my body, and my mind.

[lclem]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Good for you!! Sometimes the thought of past "bad choices" are enough to drive me to drink. Glad you are not. I hate when someone feels the need to remind you of a past indiscretion...

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Hi Iclem!
Yeah, but she said it in a way that wasn't hurtful, but hey, remember the time...Oh well, I really think that remembering those awful times do help me a bit, although make me cringe. But that's why I can't drink. Bad things like that happen. Al makes bad things happen. Not me. Thanks! And glad you're hanging with us in Ladies. You're always welcome here, too!

Something Pav shared:

"It Can Go Either Way." Underlying hatred, underlying any cruel act or word, underlying all dehumanizing, there is always fear—the utter groundlessness of fear. This fear has a soft spot. It hasn’t frozen yet into a solid position. However much we don’t like it, fear doesn’t have to give birth to aggression or the desire to harm ourselves or others. When we feel fear or anxiety or any groundless feeling, or when we realize that the fear is already hooking us into “I’m going to get even” or “I have to go back to my addiction to escape this,” then we can regard the moment as neutral, a moment that can go either way.

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

This is a relapse thread posted by NS:

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ect-78410.html

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Pav found the "Pink Cloud Effect"

The “pink cloud” is best described as a period of time where the addict or alcoholic experiences a reprieve from the struggles associated with early recovery. These struggles are generally associated with the feelings of depression, anger, resentment, self pity and the realization of where their drug addiction or alcoholism has taken them.

Upon experiencing this phenomenon for the first time, the addict or alcoholic is understandably excited. They begin to believe they now “hold the key” to their recovery. This is where the seed for relapse is planted. They begin to believe more in themselves than in the process they have been following. Without the pain as a daily reminder, they tend to forget about what it took for them to embrace recovery. Denial rears its ugly head and they minimize how devastating their drug addiction and alcoholism really was and that they have a disease of drug addiction and alcoholism that requires attention on a daily basis. Relapse prevention becomes an afterthought as the person becomes defiant and rebellious regarding suggestions contrary to their desires. Without resorting to drugs or alcohol, the individual in recovery is one step away from relapse. Remember, relapse is not an event, it is a process.

That is the rub - from where we are now, this problem DOES require daily attention. That doesn't mean that we have to walk around with the Big Book in our hands, but that we have to live our days with the intention of sobriety - we can't just hope it, we have to make it work. If part of making it work is slipping over Christmas and readjusting the plan (great suggestions, J-Vo), then so be it. I am writing this all for myself (at only 26 days) as well as for you all.

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Written by Mollyka:

Never let your head have the teenciest weenciest permission re. alcohol --- an alkie brain grows legs with the slightest encouragement --- that would be my advice -- and don't give away your quit cheaply --- it gets harder with each one ---

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

By JackieM:

Yes, giving up alcohol is a major accomplishment in itself. But, (at least for me) the major repair work comes after the liquor has left the building. Had I put time and effort into actually becoming sober, I think my quit would have stuck.

[Unwasted]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Jvo, I think being complacent about getting sober requiring work is where I got in trouble too. This time I'm doing very specific things to make sure that this is my last quit -- meditation, EFT (posted about on my thread), working out.............maybe even a therapist if I find myself weakening.

Best to you,
UN :lilheart:

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Unwasted,
Complacency will bite us in the ass for sure. And I have the same thoughts as you do, as this certainly not my first quit. I need to incorporate meditation for my anxiety for sure, and I did see some videos about EFT. Have you tried using that? My workout routine will begin tomorrow!! So yes, doing the work on the stuff that got us to drinking is a must. I've struggled all my life with severe social anxiety and depression. I take AD's and I need to get back to some CBT for my anxiety. I agree with you, too, on the therapist. I will consider that as well. So glad you have your duckies in a row! I'm so grateful for MWO. So grateful. And glad you're back!

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Today, I went to brunch with three high school girlfriends for our second annual Christmas brunch/gift exchange. It was at a lovely restaurant in town. Beautiful! And we spent about three hours laughing and reminiscing, as well as eating lots.

What I observed was not a surprise, but reaffirmed what I already knew. I am not a regular drinker. I did not drink of course, but the three girls, whom I used to party with lots in my early years drank one glass of momosa each. In the three hours we sat there, they each had only one. The waitress came to the table and announced all the types of drinks and gave us drink menus. Well, what I would have done was had at least three glasses of chardonnay because we were there for three hours. One each hour, that's if I was "moderating." Duh! I would have felt kind of stupid being the only one drinking, so maybe I would have had two glasses. Then I would have come home and made up for that one I didn't have that I should have in three hours, and had at least three more. No, my girlfriends are normal drinkers. They weren't looking to get drunk. I would have looked at that get-together as an opportunity to drink. No doubt in my mind. And that would have been my main concern. Instead, it was lovely seeing my pretty gals, and had a great time.

[hadit]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Good on you Guys, lots of goals being kicked. I have been to the beach and had no al Got invited for drinks at a friends place, an old long term drinking buddy but had coffee instead. It wasn't that hard to say no, but there are some tough ones coming up. NYE has been planned;going to the movies instead of parties. Well done everyone Lets tell AL where to GO this NYE !!!!! :goodjob::goodjob:

[Unwasted]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

J-vo, you must feel pretty wonderful not having caved to the situation you just described. That's a true test and to have withstood the temptation deserves a huge congrats. Were you tempted? I'm hoping I'm just so done that I won't have any inclination. I want to feel happy and satisfied in a situation like you just described. I know I too would have had one goal in mind - to get toasted - not rip-roaring drunk, but a serious buzz. It sounds like you're doing great this go-round. I haven't read your whole thread, but I'll read more when I can.

Re the EFT, yes I've been doing it and I'm feeling like it's a great tool. I'm even planning on excusing myself to go to the restroom when out at dinner and doing it there. It works best if you can stand in front of a mirror and do it out loud, but it will also work silently (in a stall if need be:H).

Try this link - I liked this woman's presentation (there are a multitude on You Tube) and just substitute drinking for smoking. It can be geared toward feeling anxious also.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEFR73uL0eI

Again, kudos to you for what you did today - it's huge in my books. Would love to hear how you actually felt during it.

Had It - I plan to stay in on NYE - never liked the forced frivolity of it anyway.

xx,
UN :lilheart:
p.s. I'm also exceedingly grateful for MWO

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Hi hadit,
That's pretty awesome! Going to the beach was a big drinking time for me. I have the same plans for NYE. Movies. I told DH weeks ago that we were doing that. He's been very supportive so that was easy. We did get invited to a party, and luckily it's my husbands birthday - Jan 1 and I said we were celebrating his 50th with a quiet dinner. Thanks for stoppin in!!! Good luck to you, too! It takes lots of work, but we can conquer!

Hi Unwasted,
Thank you for the kudos! Well, I need to be honest. I wasn't tempted because I've already taken that choice off the table. In my mind now, I do not drink for any reason. That, I believe came from Byrdie. What also made it a little less weird, if you will, is that one of my girlfriends knows that I quit drinking, and she's supportive of me. The other two thought nothing of it that I drank something different. Being older has its benefits. There's not that pressure to drink, especially at a Sunday brunch. And while they were sipping on there drink (there one and only), I felt like I was missing nothing. I really can say truthfully, I was happy and not tempted. Not to say that I always feel confident. It seems that when I'm not in situations like that, I get nervous thinking about them, like "how will I handle that?" "Can I handle that?" And for the last few months (I had one slip) I felt pretty confident in myself while in the situation itself. Jeez, sorry for rambling. Thank you for that link! I quit smoking last month as well. I have a patch on, so that helps lots. I will check that out. Hey, I've done crazier things in a bathroom stall!

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Hi hadit,
That's pretty awesome! Going to the beach was a big drinking time for me. I have the same plans for NYE. Movies. I told DH weeks ago that we were doing that. He's been very supportive so that was easy. We did get invited to a party, and luckily it's my husbands birthday - Jan 1 and I said we were celebrating his 50th with a quiet dinner. Thanks for stoppin in!!! Good luck to you, too! It takes lots of work, but we can conquer!

Hi Unwasted,
Thank you for the kudos! Well, I need to be honest. I wasn't tempted because I've already taken that choice off the table. In my mind now, I do not drink for any reason. That, I believe came from Byrdie. What also made it a little less weird, if you will, is that one of my girlfriends knows that I quit drinking, and she's supportive of me. The other two thought nothing of it that I drank something different. Being older has its benefits. There's not that pressure to drink, especially at a Sunday brunch. And while they were sipping on their drink (their one and only), I felt like I was missing nothing. I really can say truthfully, I was happy and not tempted. Not to say that I always feel confident. It seems that when I'm not in situations like that, I get nervous thinking about them, like "how will I handle that?" "Can I handle that?" And for the last few months (I had one slip) I felt pretty confident in myself while in the situation itself. Jeez, sorry for rambling. Thank you for that link! I quit smoking last month as well. I have a patch on, so that helps lots. I will check that out. Hey, I've done crazier things in a bathroom stall!

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Last night:

I had a very bad sleeping night last night. I didn't sleep much. Last night, I had read so much on MWO. For hours, I read and read. So I went to bed with all of this fresh in my mind. I woke up several times thinking of posts, the different tools that people use, what works for one may not work for another, and how we're all different with the same goal.

One particular time I woke up, every mortifying drinking session went through my mind. I must have been up for hours thinking about the times where I got trashed and made a complete flippin' fool of myself, whether it was with co-workers, my son, my immediate family members, extended family members, hubby's immediate and extended family, just with DH, and on and on I could go. What a frightening few hours. And I wouldn't mind if it happened again, which I'm sure it will. I don't want to forget, not that I actually could...