Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Well, this morning they cancelled school after I took a shower and dressed. We have lots of make up days! So I undressed and went back to bed. Oh, so easy for me to do. Anyhow, I must have been thinking about DS, as I had a really bad nightmare. I dreamed I first caught him smoking cigarettes, then pot, then drinking. In my dream, I was distraught, then screaming at him, crying that I didn't want him to grow up to be like me, an alcoholic. I don't know of any time that he's done any of that. He has asthma, and plays basketball, and I've never smelled anything funny on him. And I've never smelled booze on him, as I would be able to smell it now, He's a straight A student in honor's classes. But that doesn't mean anything. Anyone can become addicted to anything at anytime. He's 16, and I guess I'm afraid he will have the gene that lacks a switch. What an awful nightmare. I was pretty shaken when I got up. I don't want him to go through what I did. Ever. And so, why would I ever want to continue putting myself through that hell? I deserve better, and I will look at it that way. If I wouldn't want my son to go through it, whom I love more than life itself, why would I want that hell for myself anymore? I love myself and I will not do that to me anymore.

[lead366]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Exactly J-VO

Why the hell would you want that? I sure don't!

I guess we have to accept that its daily vigilence right now...which is ok..because it used to be a daily battle....the battle is waning.......and Im much better without it.

Lets not look at this as losing something--ok?....We are gaining clarity, calmness, health and education.

Being AF is a wonderful way to face each day...even if the beginning is a tad boring.....we are grieving the loss of our old friend...BOOZE!...which turned out to be a demon.

Ive added you as a buddy

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

You're so right Lead! It is daily vigilance. And this is a small price to pay for all the good we will gain as you mentioned, especially peace and health.

You sound so upbeat and that's wonderful! Thanks for adding me to your buddy list. Gee, I didn't know we had a buddy list to tell you the truth. I'm gonna take a look.

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

I know heroin is a bad drug that can kill one instantly. Alcohol can kill, but is more of a long, drawn out death. I had an experience today seeing a heroin addict and my thoughts below:

About the woman on heroin. When I saw her (she's a year younger than I am) her at the funeral home and her head was turned, I put my arm around her to give my condolences and she turned and her eyes couldn't focus on me. She looked so high, her eyes extremely puffy, and it was shocking to see. I've seen her many times before, but I didn't know it got this bad. It almost made me cry although I never had a close relationship with her and my sister had difficult times with her. But she has three grown children. Everyone knew she was high, but she was there, and that I guess was important. She didn't look as bad the whole time, but frequently I could tell that she was really messed up.

I guess it got to me a bit. I know heroin and alcohol are not the same, but both are drugs and both can destroy. I felt really awful for her three children, the family that had to look at her and know they can do nothing. If that were my sister, I'd be a mess and feel helpless.

This experience gave me a look into what I once was and how I never want to be. I was as high as a kite on alcohol, I know people looked at me like WTF, and I couldn't control myself and my behavior once I drank. So I'm going to take this and put it in my files of something to think about if I ever want to drink again. I know these things fade, but hopefully since it was such a shock to my system, I'll not forget it and how she looked.

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

One Crafty Mother

Thanks NS for this article. Some points that struck me as important:

1. The slide back into old behaviors before we take a drink and then ultimately relapse (relapse starts before drinking does) can be almost invisible. "It's a death by a thousand paper cuts." Slowly, we stop maintaining our recovery program. Slowly, we let things go that were priority in our recovery.

2. Addiction is a brain disease. The rational part of our brain does not work when we are actively involved in our addiction.

3. When not active in a program of recovery, addiction is left untreated, and even if one is not drinking just yet, it will happen if daily engagement in a program is lacking.

4. We need to make it our responsibility to maintain recovery, so that our addiction is not left untreated and will not become active.

5. There is no "cure" for addiction, but it can go into remission through a program of recovery that we maintain daily.

[lead366]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Good point J-VO

Its the one thing that I have to be sooooo careful about. Just learned about this....and Im a tad scared that I may get complacent. Yikesters...this recovery is serious business

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Lead, it is serious! This is where the one day at a time comes in. You just have to think about today.

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

LB said it and I liked it! Thank you LB!!

I still struggle, but I would rather struggle for 15-20 minutes of the day then spend a week regreting a split second bad decision.

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Addiction Relapse Prevention Plan to Save Your Life

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Addiction Relapse Prevention Plan to Save Your Life

Just read this article. There are things that I've been letting go and things that i need to do to get my "emtional and mental" self back on track so I don't slide back into trouble.

1. I need to utilize the "Calm" app I have to reduce my anxiety. I can use this a few short times a day, or do deep breathing. My anxiety is always high, and doing something as easy as this can be so simple but an important part of recovery. This will reduce feelings of resentments and anger I may have, too.

2. Get back to physical exercise. At least get on my treadmill with my 80's Pandora. Again, reducing tension of any kind is important to sobriety.

3. Get back to eating better. I know what to do with that!

These are the three things I will begin tomorrow. I will not slip into the emotional, mental, then physical relapse that I felt was coming based on my thoughts and behaviors. Recovery means "change" and change requires work. But I will also not go overboard with the three things above. I tend to do that and just give up completely. I will fit it into my schedule, but in a reasonable way.

[Bastet]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Hi j-vo, I really respect all of the energy you have put into your quit! You are always reading something or finding a video that explains another aspect of quitting. I have heard you mention an app called Calm. Is this for iPhones or androids and where do you find it? Thanks

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Bastet, I think it's for any smart phone. Look up "Calm" - it's white letters and blue background. It's free, but of course, if you want more of it, you'll have to pay. I downloaded another free one this morning called "Relax Lite." I haven't looked at it yet, but Ava recommended it, as her daughter uses it. Look at both. And thank you!

[j-vo]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Well, I practiced deep breathing during a break at work today, at well half the day, but did not exercise. Even so, I am getting things done. Lots of little things. For example:

*Had a gyn appt. a few weeks ago after three long years of missing annual appt.
*Went to a dentist appt. to get teeth cleaned after a year.
*Made a mammogram appt. for April that haven't had in over three years - yikes.
*Got a script to get blood tests for overall health.
*Saw primary doctor today as I see him once every three months to keep me in check with my medicines for anxiety and depression.

So getting stuff done to take care of my health.

[available]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Jvo dolly steps are much easier to cope with i think.

Love that you have finally made it to appointments. I have had two damn blood tests since i gave up al and before giving up i had not had a blood test for 9 years i reckon. Everytime i decided i should have a blood test when i was drinking, i would think i would stop for five weeks and then have the test. God help me, i could not stop drinking for one day, let alone 5 weeks. Im also going to make an appt for mammorgram and pap smear. oh the joys! We are so lucky! At least it gets me out of the house.

You are sounding good lovely xxxxx

[little beagle]

Just Starting Out...for the thousandth time

Good for you j-vo. :l