Help, anyone?

[ihatethis]

Hi, everyone. As you all know, one feels so very alone with this.I hide the problem from everyone, and always succeed.
I am a teacher. I do my job, and well. And:
1. I lose work time with various excuses.
2. I never, never, go to work drunk.
3. I never drive drunk.
4. I stay at home and drink vodka, because there is less smell the next morning.
I have been in rahab 2x now, over the past 20 years, and it works for some time. Little slogans, like HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired), a nice little acronym reminderfor when one feels like drinking. I am past that. I drink always.
I have seen the medical photos of livers and throats and teeth as results of alcohol.
I know it's not about willpower; it's a disease like cancer or diabetes. I've done the programs.
As I said, for a while, ok. Then, I start again.
Right now, I am on my fourth double (triple?) before my lady comes home. Why she sticks with me, I'll never know. I am blessed, and cursed.
Uncles and aunts alcoholic. Sister maybe, less so than me.
Can't go to a doctor; where I am in the world I would be fired and deported.
Nightmares and shakes and sweats when I try to stop.
And small moving little black things from the corners of my eyes.
Have tried stopping completely and tried cutting back. Bad stuff happens.
Someone told me: a normal person drinks to feel differently; an alcoholic drinks to try to feel normal.
I know I am an alcoholic. I know I need help because I just am not succeeding on my own.
I hope someone has an idea from their personal experience that I can use. Life is too short and precious.
Thanks very much.
/s/ ihatethis

[betty boop]

Help, anyone?

Hi and :welcome:
Before I came here I was out of control, For me it was gradually cutting down that worked, but others will be along with different ideas so read as much as you can and let this wonderful place help you xx

[bird]

Help, anyone?

Hi,
It is opposite for me being a good parent and hiding it from the teachers.I live in a small town and always worry one of them will see my buying it.Anyway have you ever read 7 weeks to sobriety?Its a program with a 74% success rate.I tried it a bit but didn't have enough money for all the supplements (alot) but it worked while I followed the program.Certain foods to avoid etc.Thought I might try it again when I get the $ if I dont get straight before then. I got the book off amazon and you order the stuff online from Health Recovery Center.Might be worth a try.Bird

[raoul]

Help, anyone?

Hey there friend, I too am a teacher and know the difficulty of hiding it from those around. For me one of the difficulties was trying to discuss books with characters who had problems with addictions and feeling such a louse and such a hypocrite. Only once have I come close though to getting in trouble with my superiors and that was because a parent had seen me in a mess on a weekend and complained to the education authorities. What an embarrassment, but it didn't stop me. "O, what a tangled web we weave"

Raoul

[Beaches]

Help, anyone?

Hi, we all come here because we need the change and you sound like you are ready to do that. read the book, keep posting and reading. The supp's are great too.
I wish you the very best!

[goingsobermum]

Help, anyone?

Hi,
Welcome to my way out. Most of the sups mentioned in 7 weeks to sobriety are the same as the ones RJ recommends in the MWO program, with the addition of the kudzu. Read the book and take the sups they will help you cut down or stop and rethink where you are. Its easy to think you are the only one with 'odd' chemistry that makes you drink and that you can't do anything about it. This site proves that there are lots of us in the same boat and that you can do it when the time is right, it won't always be easy thats why we are all here.
Finding this site was a good first step.

[meditation mama]

Help, anyone?

Hi friend!

I was thinking of all the wasted time in my life I spent drinking, thinking of drinking, feeling bad about drinking, hiding my drinking, planning my drinking, etc. I know quitting is hard, but in all reality, the former is a lot of work! I read the book ( getting ready to read it again), and found it was quite inspirational. The CD's are great, and the only day I drank to excess this past week was when I didn't take the time to do the CD's and take my supplements and didn't exercise. I have also ordered TOPA. I really want this, so I figured working this hard and getting every tool I can is worth it. I think that taking 30 days to build a foundation and come at this from every angle is going to be hard, but without a foundation I know my little house will crumble! I have had many sober times in my life and the extra time you get back from the whole circus of drinking is amazing! I figure I spend about 8 hours of the day trying to control my drinking. If I get that back, I feel blessed.

Good luck and stay in touch!

[Breez]

Help, anyone?

I think willpower/discipline /a drive (whatever you want to call it) & a positive mindset is the first big step. You need to make that big decision to say "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH" and I will try anything to make this work & will not purchase or drink during my intended goal.

Then you begin with a goal and a plan that encompasses all the neccessary things you will need to achieve this goal. With my journey I have my Topa, the boards here, my exercise & I've just started the CD's because I know I will be having a trigger (2 parties) coming up which I normally would drink at in the past but will not this year.

You can do this. I have tried everything-trust me. I even tried this program a little over a yr ago (with Topa & supps but no on-line support) but my heart was not into it & that was a recipe for failure & it was. I just went thru the motions expecting a miracle. That's not going to happen. What you put in is what you get out. You need to put your mind, body & soul. Never give up & always start with small goals & reward yourself (NOT with alcohol~LOL). You can do it.

[paula]

Help, anyone?

Hi and welcome;
Know how you feel about work , I too have a job which involves keeping
my drinking problem secret. I would be horrified if my colleagues ever even
suspected that I am an alcoholic. I got the mwo book and the sups, and try
to follow the programme, and it is working for me. Give it a try and it will
work for you too. Keep reading and posting on this site. I feel it has saved
my sanity.
Best wishes.

[Rowland]

Help, anyone?

ihatethis also from Rowland

Well hello there and welcome,
I agree, I hate this too. I believe I can imagine what you go through when trying to stop. On previous occasions I too have had 'the Rats' and I mean that literally, sometimes my nightmares would be spiders, snakes and I have had rats crawl over me - very very real.
One funny little story, one night dreaming, I was in a bank when a robber came in with a gun to make a 'collection'. Everyone one the floor please, he colected and ran out with a bag of money. Me the brave man got up and ran out and after him! As I caught up to him, he turned on me and pointed the gun right at me...... but I was near enough and I was fast.... I kicked the gun right out of his hand. I work up immediately shouting something my wife told me was incoherent..... I was after kicking her right out of the bed!!!! Fact.
I have just completed one month off the alcohol entirely. This time I do not have the 'rats'. I did have a few irritable, anxious, fatuigued days in fact the first three weeks. I put it down to taking quite a few supplemnts, Vit C, and a few others, I survived. Towards the end of the month I discovered this site and reveived friendly, experienced advice from friends (everyone here seems to be friends) great isn't it!
I have not doubt if you can follow the suggested MYO programme and stick to it you will succeed without the trauma or agony both you and I have previously experienced.
Good luck on yoour journey - you too are at a "T-Junction not a Cross Roads"
Rowland.:welcome:

[Bella]

Help, anyone?

hello ihatethis, there is good advice from people here. Embrace the MWO program and read the posts. Good luck to you. bbbBella xx

[Arial]

Help, anyone?

Hi Ihatethis and :welcome:

One of the brilliant things about this place and the programme is its anonymity. I'm also a teacher, also worked in the Middle East where you certainly couldn't look for help and if found out - fired and deported immediately, and yet a heavy ex-pat drinking environment - not easy.

However, Seabreaz says it so well - if you're ready heart and soul to take on this challenge you WILL find a way to succeed. This website and the program enable you to tackle it in the privacy of your own home - you are totally in control so try everything and work out what works for you. Maybe talk to your long-suffering wife. There was a wonderful post yesterday which said she looked her husband in the face and told him she believed she had a drink problem and he shouted for joy (sorry I can't remember now who to attiribute this to!) - maybe your honesty will enable her to come on board and help you fight this?

Good luck with this new beginning - we're here 24/7 so keep talking, posting, sharing and we'll help -- but don't forget you're in the driving seat... Warmest wishes and :l