:new: Hello everyone? it is very lovely to meet you all!!
This is my first time on this site, you all sound so lovely, the common bond being we are "special people" with a "special problem", and a ?special struggle?.
I have not drank for over 3 yrs, (when I went into Rehab) until however, of late. I have been struggling again over the last 4 months, largely through pressure like you say, "go on just have one, what's up with you?" type stuff.
In fact sometimes now I just say, at your peril , go ahead mix me with white wine, I am an instant psycho....... usually makes people laugh, thing is they do not know that I am NOT joking!
Now, I do not go out socially for that very reason, it is far too dangerous for me.
Life is such a drinking culture these days, the vision being so cool to be drinking wine etc.... at the dinner parties, getting hammered on nights out etc.... no one knows how quickly alcohol grabs you, only YOU and I who have been there!!!!
I have also tried new relationships, but every one of them has tried to lure me back to ?safely drinking alcohol?, because they drink and they cannot really appreciate life without it.
I have to say not having a drink for over 3 yrs and then kidding myself I can drink in moderation is not the thing that we all dream that it would be!! You know, constantly thinking we are losing out someway on life because we cannot drink. Life is SO much better without it, I know... believe me.
During my sobriety, I missed alcohol every day of those 3 yrs, but it is JUST as crap as it was back then ? in my darkest days, before I did Rehab. It is just the alcohol trap, luring me back into the web of self destruction.
I was terrified during my time in Rehab, with other drink dependants like me, also heroine, coke, other many types of drug addicts too, prostitutes etc. I swore to myself I would never ever go back there.
Alcohol will take everything good from our lives...it has started again clawing me back, already taking my self esteem away. My family too have abandoned me YET again. They hurt, I understand that, but so am I hurting, but they cannot see that.
They have ignored the ?good? and pounce on the ?bad? NO slippage allowed for me!!! They are such perfect people. (Yeah right, for the grace of God, cast the first stone etc).
Up to now, I have tried to keep my relapse a secret mainly, but I KNOW deep down I am only kidding myself. The old feelings of shame and extreme low self worth are there again every morning when I wake up. My promise to myself, I will only have a couple today, then none tomorrow. (Yeah right!!)
I hope my experience of my relapse may help any other "special" people who may consider going back to the heartless sapping cruel evil drug Alcohol, which is so readily accepted by society, the LEGAL addictive drug. Believe me it is NO good at all.
I would also like your opinions on the effectiveness of Campral. Does anyone out there really think that it works? I tried it when I came out of Rehab, I did not think that it helped me then, but I may try it again.
I was also taking Antabuse for quite a while...to me though that is ENFORCED sobriety, not self-will and common sense, I would appreciate your thoughts on this please too.
I am really pleased to have found this site, to find you all.
I am sincerely looking forward to chatting with you, hopefully to find mutual love and support. :welcome: into my heart.
Love and hugs, xxx Julia xxx
This is my first time on this site, you all sound so lovely, the common bond being we are "special people" with a "special problem", and a ?special struggle?.
I have not drank for over 3 yrs, (when I went into Rehab) until however, of late. I have been struggling again over the last 4 months, largely through pressure like you say, "go on just have one, what's up with you?" type stuff.
In fact sometimes now I just say, at your peril , go ahead mix me with white wine, I am an instant psycho....... usually makes people laugh, thing is they do not know that I am NOT joking!
Now, I do not go out socially for that very reason, it is far too dangerous for me.
Life is such a drinking culture these days, the vision being so cool to be drinking wine etc.... at the dinner parties, getting hammered on nights out etc.... no one knows how quickly alcohol grabs you, only YOU and I who have been there!!!!
I have also tried new relationships, but every one of them has tried to lure me back to ?safely drinking alcohol?, because they drink and they cannot really appreciate life without it.
I have to say not having a drink for over 3 yrs and then kidding myself I can drink in moderation is not the thing that we all dream that it would be!! You know, constantly thinking we are losing out someway on life because we cannot drink. Life is SO much better without it, I know... believe me.
During my sobriety, I missed alcohol every day of those 3 yrs, but it is JUST as crap as it was back then ? in my darkest days, before I did Rehab. It is just the alcohol trap, luring me back into the web of self destruction.
I was terrified during my time in Rehab, with other drink dependants like me, also heroine, coke, other many types of drug addicts too, prostitutes etc. I swore to myself I would never ever go back there.
Alcohol will take everything good from our lives...it has started again clawing me back, already taking my self esteem away. My family too have abandoned me YET again. They hurt, I understand that, but so am I hurting, but they cannot see that.
They have ignored the ?good? and pounce on the ?bad? NO slippage allowed for me!!! They are such perfect people. (Yeah right, for the grace of God, cast the first stone etc).
Up to now, I have tried to keep my relapse a secret mainly, but I KNOW deep down I am only kidding myself. The old feelings of shame and extreme low self worth are there again every morning when I wake up. My promise to myself, I will only have a couple today, then none tomorrow. (Yeah right!!)
I hope my experience of my relapse may help any other "special" people who may consider going back to the heartless sapping cruel evil drug Alcohol, which is so readily accepted by society, the LEGAL addictive drug. Believe me it is NO good at all.
I would also like your opinions on the effectiveness of Campral. Does anyone out there really think that it works? I tried it when I came out of Rehab, I did not think that it helped me then, but I may try it again.
I was also taking Antabuse for quite a while...to me though that is ENFORCED sobriety, not self-will and common sense, I would appreciate your thoughts on this please too.
I am really pleased to have found this site, to find you all.
I am sincerely looking forward to chatting with you, hopefully to find mutual love and support. :welcome: into my heart.
Love and hugs, xxx Julia xxx
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