New place same old problems

[Kitty]

Hello all,

I'm returning to these boards after a short time away. Last time I was here I found this site really helpful and the people were really supportive of each other.

To cut a long story short I have recently relocated with my partner leaving a job and a flat I had been in for 14 years. My job was very stressfull and I blamed that for my binge drinking, which I did al least 3 times a week until blackout.

At first when I arrived in my new flat everything was great for a week and I didn't have a drink or a cigarette for a week without even trying. However very gradually my drinking habits have resurfaced and I am now even having my first drink much earlier in the day because I am currently unemployed. Although I adore my fiancee I cannot help feeling I have made a terrible mistake and drinking has become a way I stop the feelings of blind panic and insecurity that I seem to have all the time.

I have promised my partner that I will stop drinking as from today and although I know I really need to do it for myself and for my relasionship I don't know if I have the strength to succeed.

Sorry for rabbiting on.

Kindest regards,

Kitty

[samadhi]

New place same old problems

Welcome Kitty - I too was here for awhile - then left, as my probems resurfaced as well, So now I am back and recomitting. If you set your mind to it and follow a plan, I think there's success. I find checking in here very helpful too. Hope all goes well with the new location!

[goingsobermum]

New place same old problems

Hi Kitty,
Welcome back. Have you got the book, supps and CDs? They'll help loads and keep coming back.

[ModerationNow]

New place same old problems

Same here. Been here, left here, back here again. Still trying. Some days I don't think much about drinking, other days I drink like a fish. It is especially hard for people who stay home....(I'm a stay-at-home mom). I wish I could just go out and work and not look at the beer in my fridge...I make my hubby take the beer with him on the way to work, so that it isn't here for me during the day but, boy oh boy, if he forgets it, I'm into it big time, everytime. I really wish I could control it when it IS here but I can't....
I wish you the best. I have been there done that too many times and I know how you feel...Hugs

[betty boop]

New place same old problems

Hi Kitty & :welcome: back ...

You CAN do this, keep reading and posting, we are all here for you xx

[Kitty]

New place same old problems

Thanks for the replies. I have got the book although I didn't really have a chance to read it properly before I moved. I shall read it now though.

ModerationNow I know what you mean about beer in the fridge. My partner drinks a bottle of wine and maybe a couple of beers or those small tins of G & T every night (although unlike me the drink has no effect on his personality and he know when to stop!) so there is often stuff left in the fridge. I have asked him not to buy the packs of 24 little beer bottles as I just drink them if they are in the fridge. He doesn't neccesessarily mind me drinking a bit but he takes the brunt of my crazy and mostly pretty disgusting behaviour when I drink to excess which is often.

I have asked him to really try and help me, he has a habit of saying "why don't you have a glass of wine" when I try and stop and get a little stir crazy. I know he thinks It will help me chill out a bit but he doesn't understand that that first relaxing drink will be the first of many, and that once I feel a buzz there is no stopping me till I pass out.

I'm actually quite confident about not drinking today but am already having thoughts about drinking wine tomorrow. I really feel like a slave to this addiction.

Kindest regards,

Kitty

[mystical]

New place same old problems

new place same problems

I to moved a while ago thinking it would change my drinking and change the horrible abusive relationship I was in. So I moved away from my family and friends with my boyfriend and kids. Well, things seemed to be going fine for about a week or two, I think due to the fact that I was to busy unpacking and getting the kids settled to think about anything. After that, the abuse kept coming and I continued to turn to the bottle for support being that I had none from anywhere else. About a year later enough was enough and I moved back where I could get some support. So I know where you're coming from. It's easy to just think that if you up and leave that you're problems will stay behind. I really feel that alot of what turns us to the bottle is an underlying problem in our souls that should be dealt with first. Until we find out what makes us feel like we have no other solution other than to drink we will continue to do so. Stay strong and we'll be here for you. Good luck in everything you do.
:h

[ModerationNow]

New place same old problems

Kitty,
I can so relate to you. My husband likes to drink too but doesn't seem to have a problem with it. He can take it or leave it. Usually, when I try to stay off, he's off too but then he says things like "wanna go out for a pint at the pub"? Um, yeah, but it doesn't stay at one pint. I'll have 5-6 and on the way back from the pub, I gotta buy more beer for the rest of the night. He can just go home and go to bed. It is very hard to stop when both people enjoy drinking and even harder when your partner doesn't have the same obsession with the drink. They just drink to enjoy themselves and never think about it the next day...

[toughintexas]

New place same old problems

Boy are we all alot alike!

:new: But your post really hit home...I too left a high power career, re-married, and moved...at that time, I had NO problem with alcohol, matter of fact, I'd divorced over my ex having on...imagine that....I'd never been a stay-at-home Mom, so I thought this would be incredible, finally with my kids in Jr. Hi, and High school, I could be a real Mom...I even kept my hubby's first grandchild, as my step-daugther had helped me with babysitting when I worked and traveled...WHAT A SHOCK! I was busy at first too, remodeling our new house, etc., enjoying planning kids stuff, but I WAS LOST AS ME....I didn't have goals to meet, no salary, no bonus, no trips to plan, etc, etc....my sense of self, and worthiness was out the window, IN MY MIND....lol....I too, started drinking more, we'd always had a cocktail, glass of wine, when my husband came home, I've taken gourmet cooking classes, and learned to pair wines with dishes, so we'd have one with dinner also...then I noticed that the grandbaby would scream half the afternoon, still be screaming when I picked up my Jr. Hi daughter, and we'd drive him home after work hours, and I was pouring that wine is a "roadie" cup for the drive to calm my nerves....(I bit off a lil more than I could chew on the Mom home thing, sense I hadn't done it much on a full-time basis!)...it just escalating from there, I wished I hadn't quit my job, altho we didn't need the money, I started blaming everyone ELSE for my self-esteem problems....blah, blah, you know the story...then, I was drinking a bottle a night, my hubby was drinking more too in reaction to my craziness, I too, turn into a completely different HORRIBLE, SCREAMING, THROWING, FIGHTING, nut when I overindulge....I'd quit doing it for awhile too, and then fall again...got lots better when I noticed, before they said anything much, that it was affecting the kids, I'm sure they'd wished I'd stayed at work too...lol...then I got cancer, and being the control freak I am, that really set me on my ear....out of control, and scared to death, and even tho I'm a health care person, I hate hospitals, needles, etc., so I was terrified all the way around...it was a weird form of repo. cancer, so I left Texas for Baltimore and Johns Hopkins, stayed a month, had all my innard/gizzards out, surgical menopause hit day 3 and I thought that would kill me if the cancer didn't, never had a symptom of menopasue...I can tell you FOR A FACT that menopause changes your metabolism, and esp. of alcohol...I relasped bad...out of stress and fear, but the changes emotionally and mentally too...I've since gone to school to be certified in bio-identical hormone therapy, and endocrinology, (adrenals and thyroid, etc.)...I have to stay on top of it constantly, or my "episodes" are much worse, and like why I'm on here now....its time to travel back for my check-up...I'm 3 yrs. out of a 5 yr. "cure", and my hormones get used up quicker in times of stress, and I get scared, and so the past month, I've binged, and passed out again...did great in the wine country believe it or not, but was on baclofen for a neck spasm from working out, and had gone to a chinese acupunturist and she'd put me on a formula containing Kudzu...its great for inflammation and muscle spasms too...so I wondered how I was only drinking 3 glasses of wine, in 24hrs, and not caring if I had anymore, when I got back, neck was better, quit the baclofen, tapered off herb, and BAM....binged, screamed, passed out twice, hubby sick of the abuse from me verbally since he's the only one in the house...and has committed to helping and cutting back himself..he lived in Europe for awhile, as a Rph at SHAPE hospital, was married to an Italian he brought back with him to the US who's family owned a restaurant in Italy, and he can drink wine like iced tea, no personality changes unless he really overdoes it, once in a blue moon, and then he just goes to sleep or slurs a few words, and then snores too loud....lol...but we know its not healthy to drink so much, and he's as into healthy living as I am, esp. now after cancer. Its goofy to eat organic, exercise, take supp's, vits, and all that, then ruin the benefits with too much alcholol...how dumb! Anyway, I can identify, I'm on moderation, and so far, back on the supp's and baclofen, I'm ok....waiting for a few more supp's and the CD's to come, started the book last night.....Just go find you something to do...anything....(well, don't go bartend...lol..or cashier at the nearest liquor store!..)...but get out and do something even if you volunteer, get your mind OFF YOURSELF I'VE LEARNED...break the cycle of obsession....go volunteer at a shelter, and you'll see folks worse than you, and it'll help your self-esteem....Also, tell your partner, that your drinking is different than his, my hubby would say the samething to me if I was ansty, thinking it was really no big deal, just have a glass of wine and chill out...well, chilling out was sure what I'd do next...but if I'm not stressed, I can do that usually, so he's confused....you just have to "see where you are" in terms of demeanor usually...or so I think for me...I know, but sometimes blow it, that if I'm upset....GRAB THE PERRIER AND GO WALKING, OR LIKE HERE, GET ON THE COMPUTER!....Hope this helps! Hang in and check in with us, its awesome!

[nattie]

New place same old problems

hello Kitty,
I can relate to what you post - my partner would also like me to stop/cut down but then offers it to me in the next breath. An example of which happened on Tuesday evening when I indulged in a little secret drinking upstairs as I knew he would be annoyed if I bought a bottle of wine home. Was sitting nice & peacefully numb having polished off the bottle & he appeared at the doorway, brandishing the empty carton I had hidden in the laundry drawer. Apprently the give away was I never change the beds during the week, always the weekend. So going home last night & feeling sick to the back teeth of struggling with this he had bought a rather large bottle of brandy. Apparently so I could have a "hot toddy" for my cold....... !!! It seems sometimes I think I would lose my sanity if I didn't come on hear & read of other people in a similar situation, I certainly think people who don't have a problem cannot relate at all on most levels.
I also found when I was unemployed for a short while I saw it as a free for all to glug back as much as I could. After all, I might as well look at it as respite form work or a holiday....there to be enjoyed !

Good luck with your plans

xx

[Kitty]

New place same old problems

Thank you Toughin Texas,

I'm going to stay on this site cause you guys are all so great. I'm on day 2 af and I'll post in the abs board.

It's 5.00pm here in the UK and since I have moved and am unemployed this is usually the time I start to drink. It's out of boredem and lonliness and I know I can fit in a few drinks before my partner comes home. It never ends there though, we go to the supermarket to buy our supper and then I buy more alcohol and end up steaming drunk and causing a terrible row.

He sat me down yesterday and we both decided that I need to abstain completly in order to save the relasionship and ultimately save myself. I have a terrible depressive nature and I know that if I don't make a real effort now I will be in real trouble.

After years of threatening to kill myself I went ahead and took a load of sleeping tablets a few weeks back and ended up in hospital. My partner is a nurse and although he knew I had not taken a fatal dose he called an abulance as they thought I was bordeline. I am now on antidepressants but they haven't kicked in yet but hopefully they will start to work soon.

I just feel really lost right now. I am in a new town with no job yet and a dwindling amount of money. I have lost contact with my old friends and have fallen out with my mother so if my relationship ends I really have no where to go.

Oh well, rant over, I have a bit of a craving right now so I think I will go swimming for a bit till it passes. My partner has left a beer in the fridge to test me I think. I want to throw it down the sink but he may think I drank it. He has lost all trust in me and I can't say I blame him. He has lived with this a long time now.

Thanks

Kitty

[Bella]

New place same old problems

Hello kitty, get your strength from us here. Post alot and someone will be here to help you and encourage you to be strong. Its hard for you as you are un-employed at the moment. If you can get a job soon, it will keep your mind on other things. Good luck and we are all here for you. Bella xxxx

[toughintexas]

New place same old problems

nattie, love your horse picture, we raise world champ. paint horses...everyone hang in today, and check in on chat tonight!

[Kitty]

New place same old problems

Thanks Bella,

I have started looking for a job and I know that will give me a new focus and some new friends. I'm just really scared though because I was in my last job 14 years. I was a manager but have lost all my confidence.

I have thought about contacting AA again, just really so I can be with some company but it wasn't for me last couple of times I tried it. I think I can get through today without a drink but my partner is going out on a works do tomorrow night so that is going to be a real challenge.

I really appreciate all your replies, thank god this site excists.

Kitty:thanks: