I've always had the potential to be an alcoholic. I didn't start until college & every once in a while I'd binge & pass out...nothing unusual. Throughout adulthood, I'd do the same thing: once in a while drink & pass out. Everyone around me was drinking the same way. Middle age: I had a stressful job & I started drinking alone at night in order to fall asleep. That's how the closet drinking started. Over the last 5 - 7 years I've been drinking to sleep & to cope w/the stresses of life. What a slippery slope I got on. I drink alone (mostly) although I have gotten drunk at parties. For a good 4 years I've tried to stop. At first, I tried to moderate, but I was beyond that. For me, the biggest reasons I want to go AF is my secret drinking. The hiding is awful for me. That has its rituals. Drinking whole bottles & replacing them. Hiding bottles. Hiding the hangovers. Shame & guilt by the bushelfuls. I've never come out & admitted to anyone that I'm an alcoholic (except this forum). I'm not sure I will. For now, I'm doing OK w/being on this forum everyday & drinktracker. Thank you all for being there. I hope some of you can identify.
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Wisdom, Courage, Strength
October 3, 2012 -
My Drinking History
Re, yes hiding the bottles was the thing that got me .... My story is posted on the 'my story' section ...
With the help of this place though I turned my life round, you can do the same .....
All the best xxsigpicXXX -
My Drinking History
A friend of mine brought me a BOX of not-too-bad wine last Christmas and I found myself thinking: hey, no one can tell how much I'm drinking with a box! I've resisted making that box my brand because, boy, did I slurp that stuff fast, and a new box would look just like the old one and not get put into recycling! I have the urge to hide my drinking, I do drink ALONE, but haven't hidden bottles yet. My in-laws are coming to dinner tomorrow and I'm considering throwing the recycling into the garbage, but then I feel like I'm not owning up to how much I drink. Actually I have a little chip on my shoulder - would they ever DARE say anything to me or my husband? They're very polite people, social drinkers, so I doubt it."There are two types of education... One should teach us how to make a living, And the other how to live.? ― John AdamsComment
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My Drinking History
teach i have never admitted being an alcoholic either, what i dont understand and please if anyone can give me an insight here i would be grateful. i have not told even my husband the extenct to which i was drinking, my hands used to shake i woul fall asleep at night i was regularly covered in bruises from falling, i made the phone calls to family and freinds and then forgot there were times i looked awful well most of the time i have been af now for 16 days and no one has commented was i better than i thought at hiding it,? no one is even interested in the fact that im not drinking dont get me wrong i dont want a fanfare i am just puzzledComment
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My Drinking History
Hereatlast:
Maybe people really don't notice how much we drink. When I go out w/my husband & don't drink alcohol, I don't think he sees that as unusual. Maybe because most of my biggest drinking is when I'm alone. He & the rest of my family & friends are pretty absorbed in their own lives. Also they don't drink alcoholically. Maybe it just doesn't occur to them that I do. I have a very straight front. Anyhow, something to think about. What a wonderful accomplishment: 16 days af. Terrific.Wisdom, Courage, Strength
October 3, 2012Comment
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My Drinking History
Betty:
I just read your story. It was very inspiring. The hiding is what really gets to me. Thank you very much.Wisdom, Courage, Strength
October 3, 2012Comment
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My Drinking History
Betty: After reading your story, I was wondering: Have you discussed your drinking w/your husband or anyone else? RetteacherWisdom, Courage, Strength
October 3, 2012Comment
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My Drinking History
Something weird about all that.I can be drunk as a skunk and get on the phone and the people Im talking to cant tell (my closest friends and they dont drink).So strange.BirdComment
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My Drinking History
Welcome retteacher,
I can relate to hiding bottles. Also keeping newspaper to wrap the individual bottles in to stop them clanking in the rubbish bag!! You've made a big step admitting you have a problem even to yourself.
You'll find lots of support here from people who absolutely know how you feel. People who don't drink like we do really don't understand sometimes. My partner was a nurse and his mother was an alcoholic and although he thinks he knows what it is like he deosn't.
KittyOur greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
ConfuciusComment
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My Drinking History
Reteacher- I can so relate to your hiding. When I got married, 15 years ago, I started hiding everything that I was drinking. At first it wasn't much but over the years it increased so that I was drinking in secret, alone, and hiding all the evidence almost every night. Noone would have guessed I was doing this. My husband did catch on eventually however. Sometimes I would just stop in the middle of hiding something and think how have I come to this. This is completely insane. And I find it is unbelievably stressful. The hiding, keeping track, replacing, trying to remember where I hid things, getting rid of everything. I never would have thought that I would be doing this , but I do. I thought I was probably the only person who did this. It never occurred to me that many people do this. You are not alone. It actually helped me to know that I was not alone in my crazy ritual. I think it is all part of becoming addicted to alcohol ( or whatever term is appropriate) and how it can just sneak up and snowball on you. I am trying to be AF basically for life. I am not there yet but have managed to not drink most days. And truly to not have that stress of all the secrecy and hiding is a tremendous relief. I wish you all the luck and send positive thoughts your way in your struggle. I really understand . Look forward to hearing how you are doing. AquamarineNEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF YOUR OWN DETERMINATION
AF SINCE 3/16/2016Comment
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My Drinking History
You really don't fool anyone with the sneaking. "You" with a sneaked drink or two is not the same "you" nursing a hangover or the same "you" sober. Those are three different people carrying three different types of personalities. People notice the subtle differences.
When I told my best friend of 20 yrs I had an alcohol problem she was suprised yet she knew something was wrong because I wasn't the same person all the time (we had a long distance friendship by phone-we talked everyday). People know but either don't say anything, won't say anything or don't know what to say.
Eventually your drinking escalates & catches up to you. I would hide a bottle & then forget where I hid it. I got lazy & not very careful were I hid it. Stupid. I was just spring cleaning last month & went in my linen closet to pull out a lighter comforter when "THUD" an empty wine jug comes rolling out down the hall from the closet! I was mortified since my husband was in my son's room-my daughter was next door about to take a bath & this empty jug was from "gosh knows when"! I grab it & ran it to the trash!
.:flower: Change a life; make someone feel important. ................. ........................ ..................... ........................ ................. ....... sigpicComment
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My Drinking History
I can relate totally to the hiding.....and it is SO embarrasing. I am sure we are all intelligent people yet we resort to this. I felt incredibly shamed the other week, my boyfriend was at work so I took the oppurtunity to clear out my hidden empties to the recycling - 7 small bottles later & hidden over all parts of my house.
I have promised to cut down/stop when in fact all I have done is smuggle wine/vodka in via my handbag & then sit there looking smug ( and pis*ed) that didn't have to drink that night. No one fooled but myself.
This is a great place & I read much more than I am able to post but I credit the people here as life savers.
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