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still drunk, but hopeful!

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    #1

    still drunk, but hopeful!

    Hi to you all...
    I've recently discovered the MWO program online and have been entranced by this site (typing is tough because I've been drinking all friggiing day)...

    For instance, I came back to the computer to read more threads, after opening a new beer, and it turns out I had an opne beer here already.... I suppolse you all know all about that....

    I'm a good woman. 41, a mom, in a great job wherein I strive to do good in the world. Problem is, I am that "a" word. Although I have come to terms with my drinking issues, I still can't refer to myself as an alco... (well, you know, the A word). Thouhg any self-respecting AA member would surely classify me as such. I drink every day. I go to sleep drunk every night. I'd go on, but ya'll know the story.

    I WANT TO STOP. I worry about my parenting, my relationship, my ability to do my work well, and finally, the latest realization, the affect that booze is having on my health. There are the usual worries, but also I am quite overweight and because I consume so VERY many claories in beer and wine I just keep packing on the pounds..

    I don't have to tell you all the reasons I want to stop... you'vea all been there.

    I want to be free. I want to be a better mother. I want to further my work to better the world. I want to be a better partner. I want to be able to go to sleep at 10pm without having to stay up to drink until I can hardly find my way to my bed.

    I come from a long line of drinkers. All grandparents, both parents, all six siblings. Reading what I have lately I realize I do have a medical problem. I have for so long berated myself for being a loser. I'm now ready to take a different approach.

    Monday morning I'm going to make an appointment with my Dr. I"m going to be honest and insist on the Topamax. I will order the book and cds. And I'll look here for support.

    I WANT TO BE FREE.
    Hugs,
    imatree
    Tags: None
    #2
    still drunk, but hopeful!

    You're not a loser, it's tough but you will make it. Keep posting and good luck!

    Louise xx

    Comment

      #3
      still drunk, but hopeful!

      I am desperate.
      I want help.
      I would jump off a bridge if I did not hav a child to care for.
      Hugs,
      imatree

      Comment

        #4
        still drunk, but hopeful!

        Hey iamatree, hey, hey hey you are suffering depression right now because alcohol is a major depressant. Major depressant. You can do this. Read the book and start taking the supllements,etc. RJ who is the author of this program did an enormous amount of research to make this program possible. So read the book and follow the suggested means to recovery. If you can't get topomax, at least order the starter supplement starter from this website.

        Also, with any addiction you have to have a mindset of WANTING to stop drinking, rather than stopping drinking to stay out of trouble, etc.

        It seems you've made the most important step by being here. Keep posting and we will help you all we can.:welcome:
        Enlightened by MWO

        Comment

          #5
          still drunk, but hopeful!

          Ima tree,
          you are not a loser. Do not beat yourself up. i know your story i know your fears and pain . you are going to face the demon that tells you you are a loser. read the book use the supplements...tell yourself you are free. repeat after me: I am free. I am free. I control my life. I control my life. keep coming here no matter how you feel or what you do mwo will comfort you and support you as you navigate your way down a new path.
          :welcome: rudemama

          Comment

            #6
            still drunk, but hopeful!

            Hi Imatree & :welcome:

            If you were a loser then you wouldn't have bothered trying to find this place ......

            You can do it, keep reading here, you will find all of the help and support here that you need ....

            Love & Hugs :h :l :h
            sigpicXXX

            Comment

              #7
              still drunk, but hopeful!

              Imatree - Welcome!

              You have to want this for yourself, and it sounds like you do. Try to keep a positive attitude, it helps so much. This is a great place - keep reading and posting. It's a bright new day!

              pixie
              AF since 6JUN2012

              Comment

                #8
                still drunk, but hopeful!

                Imatree you are not a loser, I am not a loser and neither are the other folks here. I agree with
                Skendal you are depressed. Untill you can get on the supplements go to the store and get some 5htp,(only if you aren't already taking another anti-depressant.) It's over the counter and I use it for anxiety and mild depression as needed.

                Let Monday be your wake-up call. I went to the doctor last Monday and sure got mine. I was honest for the first time about my drinking and she did every test in the book. The results weren't that good. My cholestral was sky high and I'm pre-diabetic. Like you I have drunk myself to size 22. She would not give me the Topamax but assusred me it a safe drug. I think she knew I would order it on line. So I did.

                I told my husband everything and he was wonderful about it and is supporting me 100%.

                You can do this, we all can and many here have done it. Stick around here and read as much as you can. Pray if you have a higher power and be proud of yourself for taking this step.

                Melissa
                If I ruin my body where will I live? :ranger

                Comment

                  #9
                  still drunk, but hopeful!

                  HI Imatree,
                  Your story is the same as mine and many others.
                  Two months ago I felt suicidal,beyond redemption.
                  I saw my gp who prescribed antidepressants,I stopped
                  drinking, which was difficult, took the sups, log on to
                  mwo as often as possible, today I feel like a different
                  person. You can do it.
                  Best wishes . Paula
                  .

                  Comment

                    #10
                    still drunk, but hopeful!

                    Welcome, as you can see you will get lots of support here. I'm from a family of alcoholics too, parents siblings etc - its little wonder we have the same demons to battle! As I'm sure you know, growing up in an alcoholic family isn't easy and can leave you with a lot of pain and scars. But the others here are right, alcohol is a very powerful depressant and the sooner you are able to reduce / stop the sooner you will notice an improvement in your mood. It's great here, you learn a lot from others. Read different threads from people who are just starting out, to others who are moderating, to others who have been abstainining for months and months. And keep posting. Tell us how you are, what you're doing etc etc. Personally I'm still pretty up and down, but more AF days and days where I drink moderately. My big struggle is still with social situations meeting new people or people who I feel intimidated by or uncomfortable with. Still lack the confidence to do those sober and end up embarressingly drunk! Good luck and stay with us.

                    Nicole

                    Comment

                      #11
                      still drunk, but hopeful!

                      Welcome Imatree...I too have been right where you are. I totaled 3 cars in one year...long story, but, I have TRIEs my damnest the past few weeks. There is a shimmer of a light at the end of a long tunnel and I can barely see it, but it IS there. Do not give up. How I am not dead, I honestly do not know...my girlfriend says...I am so mean even the devil doesn't want me. Can't even give myself to him. I tried! We can beat this...we have too...for ourselves and for our children.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        still drunk, but hopeful!

                        Imatree, you've done the hard bit. You have taken control of your feelings and admitted to yourself (and us!) that you want to change. We are all feeling the same. We all have a terrifyingly similar story regardles of ethnicity, wealth, family history etc...

                        You're in great company here. Please please please keep coming back and draw on the support that is here for you.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          still drunk, but hopeful!

                          :welcome:

                          Hi Imatree,

                          Keep up the hard work - you have done well, I found it hard to admit my problem on here but it helped
                          Love Angellina
                          Just believe - that's all you have to do

                          :lilangel:

                          Comment

                            #14
                            still drunk, but hopeful!

                            Hi everyone, and thanks.
                            I am so hungover today. Sure gives one more motivation to quit (well, it usually motivates me to have a drink to feel better).

                            I appreciate the support very much, as I've been so lonely. You know how it is... can't talk to others openly about the drinking problem.

                            I will get the book, Topamax and hypno tapes. And I will visit here often.

                            hugs,
                            imatree
                            Hugs,
                            imatree

                            Comment

                              #15
                              still drunk, but hopeful!

                              Welcome Imatree~

                              Stay positive and all the best to you.

                              Janie is reading the MWO book. :H Looks like she is enjoying it. Put a smile on her face. It does provide tons of hope.

                              Comment

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