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**j-vo** · November 10, 2013, 07:08 PM

MWO vs. real life.

Hi MossRose,
It's always good for people to be concerned about us, to know you have those loved ones who really, really care deeply for you/us. As far as your recovery goes, we know what is best for us. I've tried many different recovery methods, and I think/believe I've found what works for me, because I'm basically doing it my way. Most of the time in early recovery, this is what we need. A strong connection with others who understand us. We need to read, reread so that we can rewire our brains (someone said that, don't remember who though). I know that I'm on here at least an hour a day. If I chose the AA route, I know they say meetings everyday for the first 90 days. It should be our focus this early. Just like someone taking on a new job, they have to do their homework a lot in the beginning, and eventually it gets easier because you know the ropes. And like any other new thing in our life. A change takes a lot of focus. Addiction, I know is much more difficult. If we don't concentrate on being sober, then relapse may occur. Do what you feel you need to do. You know best. Someone else may care deeply for you, but may not know your needs right now. I hope this helps.

**redstar750** · November 10, 2013, 07:12 PM

MWO vs. real life.

Hey MossRose,

Please do it your own way. Whatever works for you and is your best interests. People who mean well sometimes push their own ideas and that probably won't make sense to you. Glad you are starting therapy again with a trusted person. Hang in there!

Redstar

**paulywogg** · November 10, 2013, 07:30 PM

MWO vs. real life.

How do YOU feel about how much time you spend on here?i say as long as its helping you stay sober camp out! early recovery takes whatever possible,when you feel stronger you can work on doing more activities and meeting new people,i spend quite a bit of time here too but like you i feel like i need to relate to other people who understand,ive been to a.a but you only have a limited amount of time to talk,or ask questions,here i can ask or vent any time i need to,i think the therapy will help you sort stuff out too

**Byrdlady** · November 10, 2013, 07:53 PM

MWO vs. real life.

Moss, here's what's funny: people want us to get well and recover and then they complain when we do. I saw this with my hubs. Unfortunately, he cant have it both ways. I TAKE as long as I need on here. J vo is so right, we are really swimming upstream on this lifestyle so it takes a community of like minded people to do it. Just as an example, I've seen 4 commercials for Al in the last 30 minutes. We are bombarded with the message to drink constantly. This is hard. This is addiction, after all. Unless someone has walked in our shoes, they do not know what's best for us. I know they mean well, but this is one place to be selfish....you are recovering. And it takes time. Hugs to you! Byrdie

**NoSugar** · November 10, 2013, 09:46 PM

MWO vs. real life.

Hi, MossRose

When I signed on this evening, I saw Siren's new (to me) signature line:
Well it's all right now. I've learned my lesson well. You see you can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself.
I think that sums it up for us pleaser-types, don't you?

So if hanging out on MWO is pleasing to you and is helping you build the life you want, then this is where you should be :l.

I have heard it said that all we are doing is transferring our addiction from alcohol to MWO. I admit to depending on the people I have met here but it is nothing like an alcohol dependency. It is very social and in many ways, on a much deeper level than some real-life relationships. I do not mindlessly spend 4-6 hours straight here every night. I have spent many hours online but I have always been very mindful and engaged while here. I don't plan my days so I can be on MWO at a specific time. I do not turn down fun or meaningful activities because they will interfere with my MWO time. I do not waste money so that I can be on MWO - we can obtain for free what people spend thousands and thousands of dollars to try to obtain - often without success. What a gift we have! I don't sneak around to be on MWO and I never wake up at 3 am regretting that I had been here or wondering what awful thing I had posted. I don't repeatedly vow (and repeatedly fail) to spend less time on MWO. And most of all, if for some reason I need to, I can moderate my use of MWO :H!

Being here is not a substitute for real life but it can enrich and help you sustain the life you want to live and deserve. I think that is your business and is not something you should have to explain or justify to anyone. When you're ready, you'll naturally spend less time here (and perhaps focus your attention on specific threads) and take on more real-life activities and challenges. Maybe, like some, you'll not feel that you need MWO anymore and will leave (I hope not!). In any case, you'll know what is best for you and you shouldn't worry about pleasing your friend, your son, or us - even if we do think we have your best interests at heart.

Sorry this is so long but I'd been thinking about this myself recently and you just gave me a chance to organize my thoughts.

**Willow23** · November 10, 2013, 10:03 PM

MWO vs. real life.

I think the others have said it all, you need to do whatever you can right now. I appreciate that they love you and want the best for you, but in that case they need to let you get on with it.

It is hard for people who aren't used to online forums - I belong to a parenting one too which is a private one and at first my mum thought it was very strange and that I shouldn't be on there so much. The friends on there though have been brilliant, a huge support at times and being all UK based, I've even met a few of them several times.

MWO is an excellent tool. Not only can everyone identify with each other, but it's very easy to type rather than talk out loud you know? You can look at what you've written rather than just blurting stuff out and it's easier to keep track of your thoughts I think. I hope you're ok and it's not upset you x

**gambler** · November 10, 2013, 10:04 PM

MWO vs. real life.

Hello MossRose ..

I remember a few things about you..and what you said to me in the past..

Shortly after my very first post you came by to give me some encouragement .. here are some tid bits from You to Me.

MossRose;1554428 wrote: Gambler, Many of us have caused major damage to our lives due to AL. It can be repaired but it takes time and perseverance.I hit bottom when my marriage failed, I lost my home, and my son wouldn't speak to me. That's when I decided enough was enough. I joined MWO, and found the support I needed, and started fixing my life. Five months ago, I thought my life was over. Now, I look forward to the future again. It can be done. You are here, so you have taken that first huge step. Stay close to us, and post often. You can do this.
You sent this my way within 8 hours of my First post here at MWO...and that happens to be less than 24 hours from my last drink..

This was the first thing you ever said to me..you put in the nest for me. You were also the first person here that I felt "related" to my situation. I know that my first two days here "sealed the deal" with me and my choosing an AF life. It was people like you and postings such as the one above that were Key in my early sobriety and sticking with MWO. There are times when I spend hours writing one post ( I do take breaks though ) and unless my boys are with me I sometimes do nothing but come home from work and fire up the MWO forums for the rest of the night. Hey.. I like it and Im not really wanting to go out and Find some life right now..I just want to live it. I mean what the hell am I supposed to do anyways ? Who is outside my doors that I want to go hang out with..and where do I find these people ?..and what am I supposed to do when I find them ? Go hang out at AA or Narconon to find friends ?? yea right ! I have found people that I like to talk to...and that Speak back with true intent and feeling..I found the kind of Real people that I want to socialize within 8 hours being here. I know that the Real world is out there..I just dont particularly feel like bringing it into My world until I have it closer to what I want it to be. And I will be very selective in the future of what I take in. My AF life, my boys and My Way Out. Thats it .. thats all I want right now. So for what its worth..I choose to spend the amount of time here for my reasons. I also want to take note and appreciate you being there for me back then. I hope you realize how much ..

MossRose;1554438 wrote: First thing you need to do is help yourself. Stop drinking, get yourself healthy physically and mentally, and then you can work on repairing relationships.

This is the second thing you told me 62 days ago. You were right..First thing is first .. ME ! Im still working on it .. How about you. Do YOU think that MWO is detrimental to Your health physically or mentally ? Yea..I didnt think so.

If you just need a little physical activity .. then just go out for a GWAWK !

Hope things cheer up for you my friend :l

Dave

**DriftyAlison0** · November 10, 2013, 10:12 PM

MWO vs. real life.

If MWO is helping you, then stay. Some people mean well, but it could be fear talking. They may be afraid that once you get better, then the focus will be on them and their drinking (if they drink).

If it works then why stop it? MWO has helped me get sober and stay sober. I thank God and MWO for getting me sober. God led me here through a post on another site and if it wasn't for God and MWO, I highly doubt I would be 29 months sober today.

**Siren136** · November 10, 2013, 10:52 PM

MWO vs. real life.

gambler;1583652 wrote: Hello MossRose ..

I remember a few things about you..and what you said to me in the past..

Very powerful, G - just, wow!

**lifechange** · November 11, 2013, 02:02 AM

MWO vs. real life.

Great posts here! You have some very good friends here, Moss--We can't help it if we all live so far away from eachother. I agree with what everyone else has said. I know for a fact that being here each and every day for as long as I need to be has helped me more than anything these past 72 days. You have all helped me so much and I'm grateful. I'm a little like Dave--and NS- when my kids are here, I do limit my time, if there is something in the "real world" I want to do I don't decline so that I can be here. I would say I still spend an average of 2-3 hours a day here- but like Byrdie always says, that time used to be taken up by drinking, being drunk, nursing hangovers, planning the next, dealing with guilt. I trust that I will know when to slowly fly out of the Nest. slowly, slowly.. one can't rush learning to fly!! :l Going for a gwawk is a great idea. Funny man, that Dave!!

**nancy** · November 11, 2013, 02:20 AM

MWO vs. real life.

Do your own thing

Moss Rose. It seems clear to me that you have gotten a lot out of the site and given to it generously as well. One possible solution is to stop talking to your loved ones about the addiction and your recovery as you see it, if they don't get your path. If you stopped talking about it would they see the need to discuss anything with you? I guess if you answer yes, that might be a different situation. Maybe otherwise they notice nothing.

**MossRose** · November 11, 2013, 03:42 AM

MWO vs. real life.

I appreciate all the thoughtful replies. Thank you for letting me think out loud. As NS said, it helps me organize my thoughts.

In the very early days, I may have let my time on MWO interfere with my "real life", but truthfully, I didn't have a life back then. It was either MWO or drink. That was the only choice. So yes, I did retreat from everyone and spent an enormous amount of time here. But things are slowly changing. These days, I do not turn down invitations, or neglect my responsibilities, to be online. I enjoy the time I spend on MWO. It's a conscious decision, not an obsession. I rarely talk about my recovery with friends or family. They know what's going on, but it's still something I am dealing with mostly alone. For them, it's more like - just got on with it. Not because they don't care, but because they don't understand. That's why I come here. I still need the support and probably will for a long time, and I'm not willing to give that up for anyone. Guess I just answered my own question.

I really do believe their hearts are in the right place. They are watching me struggle to find a new normal. It's been more difficult than I had anticipated. Much of that has to do with my divorce. I believe their concern is more about how I'm dealing (or not dealing) with that loss. Trying to deal with all of these messy emotions without a crutch has been difficult. So it's easy for them to point to MWO as the cause of my anxiety, rather than see that this is just a delayed reaction to huge life changes. I have been so busy trying to save my life that I put these complex feelings on the back burner. Now there's no choice but to work through them. That's why I am going back to counseling.

So tomorrow, I will take a gwawk, and try to calm my mind. Thanks G for reminding me to take my own advice. However, I do think it's time for me to reach out to others a bit more. Maybe join a group, take a class, or volunteer. I think that may be a healthy balance. Well, going to try to get back to sleep. Thanks for listening to my ramblings.

**giraffe1234** · November 11, 2013, 01:31 PM

MWO vs. real life.

Hi MossRose. Twice already your words have encouraged me so much when I was low and vulnerable. You are not just doing yourself a favour by being on MWO a lot - you are also a lifesaver to people like me. Please don't stay away

**Luckyflower** · November 11, 2013, 02:31 PM

MWO vs. real life.

Dear Ross,

I also like Dave was greeted by you when I first joined MWO. It was my first AF weekend and I was having serious cravings. You had comforted me and promised me that this will be the hardest weekend and it will get better and easier. You were so right and I thank you for being there for me. I also thank you for your ongoing honesty throughout your posts.

I think that we are all the same with our AL problem but we are very different with the coping and the healing. I had felt some pressure from a few members in the nest to post more (as I don?t post a lot) and I said nothing but wasn?t a fan of these comments. I think that MWO is for everyone who wants to be here and it is my right to post or not. I only post when I feel the need or when I feel that I can contribute my words of ?wisdom?. Some post a few posts every day, some don?t. It is all fine to me. MWO is a wonderful support system and it is what?s working for me.

I know that it is working for you because I do see your posts all the time and I think that you should stick to what works. I do not think that your friend or son should have a say in this. I wonder if you had reminded them that all your past AL time = your present AF MWO time. So what?s better? We all know the answer.

Please don?t let anyone or anything interfere with your sobriety. What?s ?real life? to them is not yours. You are the one struggling to stay sober not them. You are the one who controls and decides the best way to keep sober.

I wish you all the best and I thank you for helping me in my own journey.

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