messed up, need encouragement badly

[toughintexas]

I was doing soooo great....went to Houston, and husband even asked if I wanted a glass of wine before dinner, and I declined, I hadn't even thought about drinking during the day for 3-4 days....my supp's (had Kudzu) but was out, were supposed to come in on Fri., along with the CD's, just started book...I was so proud of myself, and yesterday, I got upset about something, woke up with a dread feeling, so I was not off to a good start...stared drinking wine at 1:30pm yesterday here at home, was plastered by 5pm, drank 2 bottles....cried, talked to friends drunk, I'm sure they think I'm insane....told daughter I took a bunch of meds for my torticollis was why I sounded so weird...just can't tell her the truth, she thinks I've beat this, and I never, ever in nearly a year since she jumped on me about it, have overindulged or let her know I'm still prone to abusing alcohol now and then....we've even been on vacations and I can have 2 and quit....I got the CD's and all the supp's now, will go back on baclofen, which I was taking for my neck anyway, and will get the book read for the correct program....I just am soooo disappointed in myself, and mad, and sad....and embarrased....I was feeling so good too...I know I have to start over, but I'm so down right now.....HELP.....

[lushy]

messed up, need encouragement badly

Hey Tough, I know what you are going through. The after effects of too much alcohol can cause such depression and anxiety. Try and figure out what you could have done differently instead of pouring that first drink and try that next time. It sounds like you have the program all in place again so you will feel back to feeling good soon!! Focus on what you have accomplished since coming here; it helps alleviate the negative.

[Beaches]

messed up, need encouragement badly

Hi Tough, You are on the right track. You know what you want to do and where you want to be. Believe me I have been going along very well and ended up drinking too much. I think that we beat ourselves up more than any other person on the face of the earth could ever even try too that is the worst part of this whole cycle. I wish you the best. You sound like you are back in the right state of mind. Good luck.

[SKendall]

messed up, need encouragement badly

Hey touch, we've all been there, you don't have to stay in that place, just get restarted.

:h

[imatree]

messed up, need encouragement badly

Please do not wallow in anger and shame. I think that is one of the biggest triggers to taking another drink. Today is my Day One AF, but I know that in the past week as I've been preparing, just letting go of the self-beatings, etc, has had me feeling more positive and less thirsty.

And you came back here - you still have it in you to be free!!

[samadhi]

messed up, need encouragement badly

Hey - TnT, I know exactly what you're feeling. All I can say is today is a new day and an opportunity to try again. And don't beat yourself up too much - you have had alot to be proud of over you vacation, etc. Too bad the pain of the humiliation, hangovers etc. lasts for a day at best and we forget all about how bad it was when we next start drinking. (At least that's me). I wonder if that's something that can be programmed into the hypnosis tapes - or, if we did hypnonsis immediately following one of those episodes, so that the realy yucky feeling resurfaces as soon as we want another drink.

[morrison]

messed up, need encouragement badly

Hello tough

Tough, I'm with you here. Let's do this together. I'm in the same situation as you are right now. I feel like I'm in hell. This feeling is the worst. I was feeling so good. I broke down a couple weekends ago, picked myself up, then felt great again. Why? Why the HELL do we do it again? It is insane, isn't it? You aren't alone. WE are both going to feel great again. Hang in there. I'm feeling your pain today, trust me. Please don't be to hard on yourself though. That never helps.

[hereatlast]

messed up, need encouragement badly

hey , here is the one place you do not have to feel ashamed or embarassed we have all been where you are else we wouldnt be here, if you had fallen and broken your leg would you feel ashamed of the plaster cast to support your leg no so why be ashamed of the support you need i agree family dont generally understand (sorry to all you supportive spouses on here did not mean you) they are too close i adore my daughter but could never share this with her, let us be your support and as you will probably never meet us or even know our true identities we can never let you down
morrison i feel your pain but you have bucked me up in the past so please let us do the same for you the whole damn thing is truly insane but we will get through this together

[morrison]

messed up, need encouragement badly

hereatlast. If I truely helped you in the past, I am so flattered by that. I hope to be an inspiration for others, but for now, I have to be selfish, and take instead of give. But I look forward to getting strong again, and being there.

[toughintexas]

messed up, need encouragement badly

Thanks guys, there's no way I could do this without ya'll and thank goodness I can share and not have to get yelled at here...lol...thanks for the words, I'm determined to do this, and I need you guys alot.

[kitkatsue]

messed up, need encouragement badly

Hi Tough,
I know the feeling of starting over only to well but as some one here said better to start over than do nothing at all. I am starting over day 9 AF and I am glad to be trying that is all we can do really is try our best. As to why we do it my councilor calls the reasons, H.A.L.T. Hunger, anger, loneliness, and tired. Thats usually what we are feeling when we turn to alcohol, so he said look for alternatives, food, exercise, call a friend, or come here, and take a nap or time out.

Advice I am striving to take, I hope it helps!! And you take care!!!

kitkat

[Arial]

messed up, need encouragement badly

Hi Tough and Morrison, sending big :l your way!

I'm really sorry you're hurting today and I hope tomorrow is a better one for you.

I tend to see these 'stumbles' not as having to start again but as part of a bigger journey - a longer journey to sobriety. Journeys rarely have straight roads (unless you were a Roman, of course ). They wind and twist, sometimes double back, sometimes have obstacles and holdups, but it's all part of the same journey. I believe we learn something new each time we stumble; even if it's just a reminder that this is not the life we want to live any more, then it may help make us stronger next time. I see it as all part of the same journey and no matter what it's course it will eventually lead us to the new lives we want.

So hang in there, keep strong and have belief in yourself - you can do it and you will do it!

Warmest wishes,

[nancy]

messed up, need encouragement badly

I have been in your position before and it is horrible.

in my experience, you go through this dread thinking your friends will think you are crazy.

but in actuality, some of them show a lot of compassion and concern. i think it depends on how close the friendship is and how deep the person is.

[kitkatsue]

messed up, need encouragement badly

That is very true Nancy I found that out first hand on my last binge, my friends came to my rescue in so many ways.

kitkat

[Popeye]

messed up, need encouragement badly

Hello toughintexas,
It's not a nice feeling, but with every day is a chance to do better, and feel better.
Best wishes.