I figure I have been here long enough to be honest and open about me and I feel safe here doing that, we all have a story. I feel that now i am ready to be honest and achieve what i honestly want, sobriety.
My childhood was not horrendous, it involved a father that had an affair and left, a daughter (me) that begged him not to go and he did. Parents that fought like "cat and dog" when we went to visit the other parent. All just normal stuff i thought although he has not talked to me for the last twenty years. Her second marriage involved an alcoholic who was abusive to my brother who he tried to strangle, bought out a shotgun on us. Just normal life for a child. She stayed she said due to no help from the government. Her third marriage, well he was the father I never had, the father who told me when i was going wrong, who was honest and loving to me. I loved him dearly and still do although he died of mesothelomia.
My brother started drinking at 14 and kept getting into trouble with the police. My parents could not understand his problem. His problem was he drank to forget as we all do/did. He has since died, of alcoholism.
I grew up, I did the social drinking, slept with how many? Oh who knows and remembers, what was i searching for I wondered. Love of course. I fell pregnant at 22 and had my beautiful daughter who got married a week or so ago. I did not really drink a great deal, it was under control. I had my 2nd child 17 months later in a relationship that i knew was going nowhere. I then got with my ex husband who was a drinker and i was a stay at home mum, he did nothing as he worked so thought he should not be a part of helping. I still remember to this day thinking "if i cant beat him I may as well join him" in drinking and so my story begun. We had two children together also. My drinking was not too bad.
How did it get to this i always wondered. Now i realise i cant please everyone, I cant be the person everyone wants. I cant be in 100 places at once. I am me, I am Linda, I am lovable, my children love me unconditionally as I love them. I think that is a problem with an alcoholic we feel worthless, unloved and unwanted even if we are functioning. I feel like that at the moment with my mother but I wont let her beat me down this time, I am strong, I have made mistakes and i so want to change the AL bit in me.
Thanks for listening and it feels good to share.
My childhood was not horrendous, it involved a father that had an affair and left, a daughter (me) that begged him not to go and he did. Parents that fought like "cat and dog" when we went to visit the other parent. All just normal stuff i thought although he has not talked to me for the last twenty years. Her second marriage involved an alcoholic who was abusive to my brother who he tried to strangle, bought out a shotgun on us. Just normal life for a child. She stayed she said due to no help from the government. Her third marriage, well he was the father I never had, the father who told me when i was going wrong, who was honest and loving to me. I loved him dearly and still do although he died of mesothelomia.
My brother started drinking at 14 and kept getting into trouble with the police. My parents could not understand his problem. His problem was he drank to forget as we all do/did. He has since died, of alcoholism.
I grew up, I did the social drinking, slept with how many? Oh who knows and remembers, what was i searching for I wondered. Love of course. I fell pregnant at 22 and had my beautiful daughter who got married a week or so ago. I did not really drink a great deal, it was under control. I had my 2nd child 17 months later in a relationship that i knew was going nowhere. I then got with my ex husband who was a drinker and i was a stay at home mum, he did nothing as he worked so thought he should not be a part of helping. I still remember to this day thinking "if i cant beat him I may as well join him" in drinking and so my story begun. We had two children together also. My drinking was not too bad.
How did it get to this i always wondered. Now i realise i cant please everyone, I cant be the person everyone wants. I cant be in 100 places at once. I am me, I am Linda, I am lovable, my children love me unconditionally as I love them. I think that is a problem with an alcoholic we feel worthless, unloved and unwanted even if we are functioning. I feel like that at the moment with my mother but I wont let her beat me down this time, I am strong, I have made mistakes and i so want to change the AL bit in me.
Thanks for listening and it feels good to share.
Congrats on the purging, it really does help.
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