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    #1

    An update

    Hiya all,

    Well I haven't been on this forum for a long time but I have still kept up with reading posts and learning from others.. thank you all.

    Some of you may remember me, I was in a pretty bad place 3 years ago with my drinking but with the help of MWO I was able to stop for quite a long time. Fantastic.

    After a pretty distressing time about 18 months ago, my drinking began again and quickly crept up to unacceptable levels. This time I didn't actually stop but managed to, I guess, limit it to a level that I could kind of accept. What I have been doing for all of 2013 (so far) is controlled binge drinking where I would have 1 bottle of wine once or twice a week or 3-4 beers... never more but never less. I have kept a calender all year of my AF and Drinking days. Lots of those months, I would only drink 5-10 days in the month but sometimes 15 and again always the same amount so I really don't understand what has happened in the last month (mid Oct to now)... Well probably I do but can someone please remind me??

    The last month has been getting out of control, drinking more often ( still some sober days) but the worst has been that I have slowly started drinking more.. now it was a bottle of wine and 2 beers.. or 5 beers. But what happened this week scared me. I drank the whole week, every night after work and then yesterday I started drinking beer in the morning. OMG!!! I promised myself that if I ever drank in the morning again then that would be the end. This is how I was when I first joined this site but then I was drinking vodka etc ( haven't touched that since)

    So here I am, hungover from yesterday and back to being AF. It's the only way now... the harm reduction method I was following in no longer working.

    I hope to post here often in different threads if that's ok.. I just opened this thread to say Hi to all my old pals who have helped me over the years and now I want to give some help back if I can..

    Patrice
    x
    Tags: None
    #2
    An update

    Hi Patrice

    You used to post on the AF daily thread didn't you? I missed you.
    Why don't you come on over and join our mad crew. Mick still tells his dreadful jokes and I usually start the day - but haven't done today (Sunday) as I have been flying. There are some new faces and we are all at different stages of sobriety.
    It sounds like your drinking days need to stop and things are not looking good. Can't being doing your body any help. Are you OK just quitting - ie I take it you are not likely to suffer severe withdrawal reactions? Be kind to yourself, drink lots of water and rest.

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      #3
      An update

      Hi TT,

      Thank you, yes I will pop in. As you remember maybe, I'm in Asia so the time diff is strange..
      Yes I am ok, not having any withdrawls and luckily I have been eating healthily for the last 6 months so that may have had an ameliorating effect for me. I'm also from NZ and going back there for Xmas ( can't wait) but obviously a little scared of all the different wines around I used to love. Here in Asia, wine generally is bad and acidic ( still drank it though)
      I have followed the AF thread.. Well done to you, you really kept off the sauce. That's great
      See you soon in the Af thread!
      x

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        #4
        An update

        Thank you Molly, you are so right.. a bit teary now because yes it's my emotional and mental health that will get fucked up... well is, actually.
        I need to be sober at home because there are family issues to sort out ( mmm yes still the same ones!!!) but at least we can talk face to face and without being plastered....
        I'ts good to be back, I'm on the road and I feel positive
        xx

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          #5
          An update

          Hi Patrice,
          Welcome back! I could have written your post, really! Yes, it always starts off as moderating then creeps right back, slowly but surely. What is your plan? How will you deal with the stresses that may have caused you to return to the bottle? Don't forget about the toolbox. I started a journal which I feel, for me, is a good outlet for my feelings, as well as posting other helpful tools I read here. Think about doing something like that, but stay close to the boards. This is a priority for me, and it's been so helpful as I'm in early recovery days.
          Sometimes what you're most afraid of doing is the very thing that will set you free.

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            #6
            An update

            Hi J Vo- thank you. My plan is to keep busy and start exercising.. I haven't done any exercise for ages and I think it will help lift me up a bit. I live in Asia and it's always SO hot and humid where I live so that has been my excuse ( Oh who am I trying to kid!!! I have a cross trainer in my spare room with air con!!!)
            One thing I have learnt throughout this battle is to eat well and I have been doing that, so I think in some ways that has kind of acted as a bit of a buffer so my health hasn't really suffered. Not like it did 3 years ago..
            Yes I will stay close.. look forward to getting to know you!
            x
            Yes, like you I have started a little diary which helps me too

            Comment

              #7
              An update

              Welcome back Patrice........you know the drill soldier!! LOL :H
              Living on Planet Sober since 05/02/11




              DAREDEVIL COOKIE MONSTER

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                #8
                An update

                I do Nelz - lining up for Duty, shoes polished ( well flip flops where I live !!)
                Thanks for the welcome!

                Comment

                  #9
                  An update

                  Welcome back Patrice! I too used to be on here a couple years back and was AF for nearly the entire time, but just recently I started thinking "It's been so long, maybe I'll be able to mod now"

                  Biggest mistake I ever made.

                  Now it is a month later and I am back on day 1 trying to get my life back together again.
                  I wish you the best of luck!

                  - CWO
                  "Your body is a temple, but keep the spirits on the outside."
                  :wings:
                  Sanity: "Minds are like parachutes...Just because you lost yours doesnt mean you can borrow mine."

                  Comment

                    #10
                    An update

                    Hi CWO ( love Stanley Krubrick)

                    Wow, I look and see we signed up at a similar time.
                    Did it really only take a month after ALL that time?. Did you just start having one or two then it crept up?

                    Good luck to you too, I'm also on day 1 - we can help each other!

                    Thanks
                    Patrice

                    Comment

                      #11
                      An update

                      When I first started trying to mod, I managed to only have about 2 glasses of wine for the first couple days, but by that time next week I was back to drinking in the mornings and until I passed out again. It is so easy to fall back into the cycle and I realized I was just kidding myself. At least I know now that moderation is just not possible for me. I cannot make the same mistake again this time.

                      Congratulations on day 1!
                      "Your body is a temple, but keep the spirits on the outside."
                      :wings:
                      Sanity: "Minds are like parachutes...Just because you lost yours doesnt mean you can borrow mine."

                      Comment

                        #12
                        An update

                        Hi Patrice - welcome back, and well done for coming back - you will see some success stories here and also plenty of us still trying to grasp the holy grail - keep on trying, thats all we can do. :l:l
                        “The only courage you will ever need is the courage to live the life you want"

                        Comment

                          #13
                          An update

                          Well I am awake already Patrice as its Monday morning in NZ.
                          I probably will see you more on the AF daily thread.

                          But here's my 2 cents worth - especially as like you I am from New Zealand - diff is I live here most of the time.

                          You mentioned the lovely wines here - and yes we do have them and yes they are pretty cheap. But my dear we also are a leading OECD country in the stakes of AL abuse, addiction, binge drinking, teen drinking, middle age drinking, death by bottle etc. We have huge huge AL issues here and most of the middle-age cohort (of which I am one) are in big denial. Its always someone else's problem and yet the answers start with us. We set atrocious drinking patterns and that includes the great wines, 'sipped' with food (haha most likely guzzled before, during and after food) and the boutique beers. The main difference between the affluent middle class boozers and the other alkies is that the former spend more on the stuff and usually are fatter or spend more time in the gym to compensate.

                          Concentrate on meeting up with your friends - my guess is that at least 50% of them will have drinking probs in one way or another - and enjoy the company and the food. Lots of great coffee here (if you like that - NZ does the best flat whites in the world) and best of all,you can drink the water straight from the tap. Add some ice and lemon or limes - and drink as much as you want. Even better - no calories and it will not give you a hangover!

                          I found it easy to quit over the festive season and over summer. My danger was myself and all the wine in the supermarkets -where I had to shop - no alternative for that.But I seem to have got over that - I just walk past the poison - just like I walk past the baby products these days (thats supposed to be funny!) - can be done.

                          Catch you later!

                          Comment

                            #14
                            An update

                            This thread has been a massive wake up call for me

                            It has made me realise the truth of my situation

                            If I try to moderate I will be on the same slippery slope

                            It is like Snakes and Ladders - one drink and you go down the big one and back to square one

                            Good luck Patrice and thanks for the thread

                            It will save me a lot of pain
                            Last drink 6th September 2013

                            Comment

                              #15
                              An update

                              Yes softy it is a very slippery slope. Anyone who has doubts about their ability to moderate are better off not drinking at all. I have seen alot of people fall pretty hard after being af for a while and thinking they could "just have a couple".
                              "Your body is a temple, but keep the spirits on the outside."
                              :wings:
                              Sanity: "Minds are like parachutes...Just because you lost yours doesnt mean you can borrow mine."

                              Comment

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