My story. I really need some help. Plz

[Robert G]

Hi, my name is Robert. I'm 20 and I'll be 21 in January. I became a member of this community because I am dying inside. The entire four years in high school I drank to excess and obtained quite the drug habit. I managed to never get in trouble, get decent grades, and keep the love that my parents gave me. When the last year of high school came around, near the end, my good friend and I decided to join the coast guard because we both knew we would be on a road to no where going to community collage and continuing to feed our substance abuse problems. We both scored very high on our asvab and we were off. He went to the east coast and I stayed on the west. I left my drug and drinking problems behind and had bootcamp kick the shit out of me. I got stationed way up north, far away from my beautiful girlfriend and family. I won't bring in details about the coast guard but it was awful. I enjoy hard work and getting my hands dirty but the jobs they have non rates doing until they get to the specialty school of their choice are demeaning and most of the time completely unnecessary. Anyway I did two years as a non rate waiting to get to my specialty school. I unfortunately became a working alcoholic along with a lot of the young guys on my boat due to how miserable the conditions were. There is very little to do in small logging towns. Once I got word that the CG was going to allow some people to get out early I stopped drinking, started working out very hard and got a good head on my shoulders. Between the work I was doing on the boat I was stationed on and living in the town I was living in, I felt like I could go back home and take on the world. I felt like I was way too smart for the kind of work they had me doing on the boat. Once I finally got out with an honorable discharge, I used my GI bill to start some classes online while I grew a marketing company with a great childhood friend. My family was so proud of me, so was girlfriend and so was I. I saved up a lot of money while I was in the coast guard so I bought myself (cash) a 2001 BMW 330ci in beautiful condition. I had the car of my dreams, a family and girlfriend that were proud of me and a business I was growing with my best friend along with great grades. I wasn't drinking and was working out to fill the want I will and always have had to do drugs. On a Friday night just laying in my bed waiting for my girlfriend to get off work, because she was working late, I got a text from a friend who was visiting from out of town. He called and invited me to a get together of a couple old friends who I haven't seen in years. I was very excited and told my girlfriend that I was goin over to my buddies house and would be home late. I hadn't gone out or done anything with any friends in months because mostly everyone is and was gone. I drove to my buddies on the other side of town. We did a lot of catching up with beers in hand. Over 2 to 3 hours I drank 4 beers and a shot or two. Most my friend where crashing there but I told myself and my friends I was okay to drive home at 3am in the morning. I don't remember getting in my car or saying goodbye. The next thing I saw was a police officer in a emergency room and I was in a hospital bed. I had memory loss. I asked multiple questions to nurses and the cop in the room but no one would talk to me. I became angry and ripped all the cords off my body. The police officer hand cuffed me, I was covered in blood and very beat up, the cop took my to jail and booked me for a DUI. My parents bailed me out after being in a holding cell for a day. They worked so hard to get me out ASAP. At 3:30, 10 minutes away from my house I fell asleep at the wheel and drove into a parked car in someone's front yard going 60 mph. I could have killed someone. My blood alcohol level was three times the legal limit . My car was completely totaled and I didn't have collision insurance. My medical bills are astronomical and from what my lawyer is telling me I won't be driving for a long long time. I'm almost physically all better but mentally I can't get over this. I feel that I've destroyed my future. My life. My family. They love me but I know they don't see me the same. I'm a wreck because as soon as things were going so well I made such a stupid decision to change it all. I've lost all my money between the car, lawyer, bills and fees. I can't see any good. How can I not hate myself? When will I feel a little better? Is there anything I can do other then obvious building blocks I need to put back together? Plz anything will help, my friends and family don't know I'm falling apart.

[Running4life]

My story. I really need some help. Plz

Hi Robert
My heart is bleeding for you. You sound like a very intelligent young man and I am sorry that you and your family are going through this. Yes, you made a terrible mistake and it sounds like you have learned some valuable lessons from it. You have suffered the loss of a car, your driving privileges for a while and it has cost you money, however you did not loose your life and did not take anyone else's. I would consider this a blessing. Be thankful that you are okay and learn from it. You will need to forgive yourself.
When I was your age I got a dui and I beat myself up for years over it. Now I am thankful that I was stopped before I got in the car and drove my friends home or we may have had a terrible accident.
I learned from it but it was a hard lesson indeed. I know it is hard right now but I guarantee that it will get better and I hope you find forgiveness for yourself. You may even be able to share your experience if you are comfortable talking about it with other young people in the hopes that they will think twice before they drink and drive.
Take care my friend and keep posting. There are many wise people on this site who can help and support you through this.
R4L

[little beagle]

My story. I really need some help. Plz

Robert I know it feels like this is the end. You've lost so much, but this really is only the beginning of the journey for you. I too was in an accident awhile back. Nonalcohol for me, but I lost all material possessions.
That was 3 years ago. I have rebuilt my life and I know you will too. You are a very smart, determined man.
I am so happy to hear that no one else was hurt in your accident.
Please stay with us, join us over in the newbies nest thread. You have alcohol issues and mwo is a wonderful supportive group of people. You can talk about things in your life and get different perspectives.
This place has honestly changed my life, and if you let it, it will change yours. You will feel positive and happy again.
Hope to see you there.
Please don't feel so down today. You will make new friends here.:l

[Siren136]

My story. I really need some help. Plz

Hi Robert,

I agree with Running. You made a mistake that you will be paying for for a long time. Everyone makes mistakes. The best thing you can do to start getting past this is to accept that and try to forgive yourself. The best way to forgive yourself is to turn your feelings of shame around and accept that what's past is past. You can't change it, but you can change the course you're on now. I'm concerned that you may use this as an excuse to start using again.

You said your friends and family don't know that you are falling apart. I bet they didn't know the extent of your substance abuse in the past either, am I right? First step - come clean to your parents and share the story with them that you shared here. Let them know your past with alcohol and drugs. It's scary - believe me, I know. But it's also very freeing not to have to keep it bottled up anymore.

Then, sit down and start making a plan with your parents on how you are going to come back from this, because you can come back from this. You know what you want, and it's not drugs and alcohol. It's that life you were on the way to and can be on your way to again.

I also had a DUI over 10 years ago and thought it was the end of the world when I got arrested. I am also extremely thankful that I got stopped before I hurt anyone.

Stay close to us on MWO - we can help you if you let us.

[Nelz]

My story. I really need some help. Plz

Robert,

sorry to hear about all that has happened to you in your early life. With that said, you should consider yourself very lucky that you have had your rock bottom experience already.

That puts you light years ahead of the average MWO member. Instead of spending 20 years wasting precious time/money on such a wicked evil, you can take use this as your motivation.


Remember all the emotions fear, anger, sadness, regret, and use them as a crutch for your recovery. Get MAD at alcohol for what it has done, and tell it to take a flying leap.

You can do this, you are young and strong, and have your whole life ahead of you to get back on your feet.

Welcome aboard and good luck

[istym4me]

My story. I really need some help. Plz

Robert, we drinkers are apparently born different. A gene mutation for excessive alcohol drinking found - Press Office - Newcastle University. We have all heard that there is genetic disposition and now more is emerging, not an excuse to drive drunk but a warning to be more aware. Instead of the general non drinking populace condemning us, we need to help change the misconceptions that it is our free will to BE THIS WAY! You are in a hard spot, stuck in the legal system now but with your intelligence level and being armed with knowledge, you might be one of those to help break through the condemnations and help us all seek resolution/solution...


So very glad you aren't hurt. Permenantly, so very glad no one else was hurt. Love yourself.


I think the message should be, Let's all learn more about this just like with gaylesbiantransgender WE WERE BORN DIFFERENTLY, help us- don't shame and condemn us. NORMAL SEEMS TO BE A SHRINKING POPULATION PERCENTAGE- probably a great shift toward love and acceptance

[Myluck]

My story. I really need some help. Plz

Hi Robert, welcome. You came to the right place. I think what happened to you lately is a sign that you need to do something different - May be?

[Suesue]

My story. I really need some help. Plz

Hi robert you're not alone we've all been there and done things we regret and made mistakes under the influence. You can't change the past but yiu can start to make things better from now on. Don't be too hard on yourself but maybe if you're drinking is something you realise has caused you serious trouble it's time to get help. You need to be honest with your family and if needs be get help. Yiu might be surprised that some people will respect you for admitting you have a problem and trying your best to deal with it. From a legal point if view it will look better if you get some for of drink problem counselling. It coould be worse yiu could have killed yourself or someone else. This all seems very bad at the moment but it's just material loss and a bit of embarrassment and shame. You are lucky. You might not feel that way now but yiu are. Take this is a sign though that your drinking is a problem. Don't ignore this sign. Keep close to the nest here. Hope yiu feel better.

[Robert G]

My story. I really need some help. Plz

I can believe how sincere and kind the feed back is on here. This community is amazing and I thank you guys for the words of wisdom and support. You've truly made me feel so much better

[Robert G]

My story. I really need some help. Plz

Running, I am defiantly going to become a member of this community. Ive never been apart of something that made me feel so welcomed and warm. Thanks for such a fast reply to my post, after reading your reply I could finally fall asleep

[Willow23]

My story. I really need some help. Plz

Hi Robert. As others have said, you're being smart by taking this as a lesson. Although it's horrid now, something this bad had to happen for you to realise just how bad your drinking/drug taking has got. Good job on reaching out and asking for support - many people wouldn't and would continue to bury their heads in the sand. Look forward to chatting in the Nest.

[TheSunFlower]

My story. I really need some help. Plz

Robert...I had read this earlier....and I think the responses are great. Nelz is on target saying you are light years ahead of most members. This is a terrible moment in time for you....but, one that can be such a turning point. I almost wish your story was mine....could have saved me 20 years of hell. This is something you will be able to look back on and see what a game changer it was. And in the big picture this blip will not ruin your life, rather save it.

I have a friend who was in a bad car accident when he was 19, quit drinking and is over 25 years sober. All the bad things that came with that car accident are forgotten by all. What is remembered is how it changed his life dramatically.

[Kradle123]

My story. I really need some help. Plz

Hi Robert- thanks so much for sharing your story. It was very powerful. :l

I second and third what every one says and it all made me think of an old line about getting through hard times: it's all about location, location, location.... RIght now your located way up close to the accident so it's no wonder its all so overwhelming...But given time of course your location with change and...well...so will your perspective.

So stay close, read and read and read and post and we will all be here with you when you get to your next location...:l

Sleep well.

[Alky]

My story. I really need some help. Plz

Robert G;1591927 wrote: I could have killed someone.

Yes, you could have. It sounds like you're thinking straight and are not going to get despondent and have a pity party, but if there's one thing I've learned over my life (particularly regarding my drinking career), things can ALWAYS be worse. You indeed could have killed someone. That's worse than being killed yourself, I think. This is not any kind of attempt at macabre humor, but at least if you were dead, you yourself would not have to deal with any of the consequences of what you did (your family, on the other hand?). I can't imagine what I'd have done if I had killed or maimed someone in all my years of habitual drunk driving. Think of what the weight of that would feel like.

BTW, I'm also dealing with astronomical medical bills from back-to-back alcohol-related emergency room visits and hospitalization stays this past summer, so I feel your pain brother. But remember, it can ALWAYS have been worse.

[istym4me]

My story. I really need some help. Plz

Robert-

Because of your story, I did not drive after drinking yesterday. I knew I was going to have a few drinks, I planned it. But prior to going out I got really aggravated at issues at home and decided before even leaving the house I would make sure I did not over indulge and then drive. I rarely go out to have a drink, it's usually done at home or someone that doesn't drink too much drives me. Your story kept going through my mind before I left.

Thanks for that.