New here, hope today is AF Day 1

[Kathy123]

Hi everyone,

I'm 37, a stay-at-home mom w/two boys (ages 3 and 6), happily married. Since the birth of my 2nd, the stress of raising 2 very active boys got the better of me. My old friend--a glass of wine--has over 3 years grown uncontrollably into a bottle & a half of wine every night. No one knows about my habit. I bury empty wine bottles in the bottom of the trash can and do all sorts of things to hide it. I never get good quality sleep. I'm tired & unproductive all day. Even the most mundane of tasks, going to the grocery store, seem like climbing a mountain.

I've always enjoyed a drink, but now I'm obviously an alcoholic. I have to quit. I worry what toll my drinking has taken on my brain, my liver, my esophogas... It's been 3 yrs of heavy drinking. I feel like a shadow of the person I used to be. I was happy, energetic, worked as an attorney. Then I got married, quit work, and the incessant crying of my second child (who's perfectly healthy but very cranky) really helped push me over the edge.

Several times I've quit, but it never lasted for more than 3 days. I do not get "withdrawal" symptoms--other than desperately wanting a drink. And I end up convincing myself that I don't really have a "problem".

I must stop. I want to do it privately, but I know I still need resources to help me. The forums on this website are incredibly supportive. Just came across this website an hour ago. I will be reading/participating in the forums here daily for support. I am scared, however, to go ahead with the whole MWO regimen b/c I don't want to take pills. Does this kudzu stuff really work in reducing cravings? Are there side effects?

In any case, thank you to whomever takes the time to read this.

[fire31]

New here, hope today is AF Day 1

Hi Kathy, and welcome!

I'm a newbie, too. Going on my 5th day, AF. So far so good, and this board has helped a lot. Check out the 'Newbies in Need, day _" thread. It restarts each day. It's a good way to check in on your own resolve and give it a boost, as well as support others and get support yourself.

You're not alone, none of us are, with this problem. Stick around and you can gain control over this!!!

As for supps/meds, I haven't yet ordered mine but I plan to take the supps. If they help with the cravings, then I'll take em- I need all the help I can get in that department. My mind plays all kinds of tricks on me at night, craving booze. So, hopefully that will help. Various combinations of supps/meds seem to be very helpful for others on the board.

Good luck!!!

[weemelonhead]

New here, hope today is AF Day 1

Hi Kathy...welcome, welcome, welcome my dearheart......

I too am a 37 year old woman, but my daughter is now 'all grown up' and doing it on her own....I have been a chronic alcoholic for 18 years...after a pause when I stopped drinking while pregnant (was building up steadily for a couple of years before that too), and now have 5 months of complete sobriety under my belt because of this site.
You've come to the right place....and I would advise maybe rethinking not taking any of the tabs...if you are having trouble sticking to your goals, you may need a bit of extra help, and there is NOTHING wrong with that...if you don't like taking meds, then maybe try some of the herbal supps, as well as using the reading material here and the fantastic boards.
Abstaining from alcohol can affect you on every level, from physical to social and emotional, which is a mighty big change for anyone, so make it easier on yourself wherever you can. I don't like taking meds (seemed to have no trouble pouring gallons of alcoholic poison down my neck every night though???), but DID use them when first coming off the booze...I stopped them after a few weeks, and then relied on supplements, a good diet and a strong mindset to carry on the good work that the medication had helped me kickstart.

There are all sorts of ways to approach this, but I remember the words of Neil, one of our long term abstainers when he said something along the lines of.....whatever it takes.....even if it's standing on my head whistling the tune of the national anthem while playing backgammon with one hand......if it helps...I'll do it!!!

You're doing great so far...give yourself a helping hand whenever you can....

And a good morning to Fire too....you seem to have some good thoughts about this, I like the 'mind playing tricks' bit...my mind still occasionally tries to tell me that one wouldn't hurt, but I know that THAT part of my brain is in league with the demon drink, and so would do anything to get me down that road again...this is where the mental karate comes in helpful..I am always ready with a cerebral 'windpipe chop' to shut the buggar up!!!!

Good going guys, and nice to meet you both...
See you round the boards chums
Weejackiechanmelonhead

[aduggan]

New here, hope today is AF Day 1

Hi Kathy and welcome. I am also new just at the end of day 8 AF and feel great. Don't think I could have done it though without all of the ammunition. I have gone the whole hog, the CD's all of the supplements and the topamax. Have had no side effects whatsover, apart from some withdrawal symptoms in that I have had quite bad headaches and difficulty sleeping, but that has stopped now and I am sleeping like a baby. My story is almost exactlyl the same as yours. ONe and half bottles of wine a night, can't stop can't go for more than a few days without. Check out my story on the "your story" site, I am sure you will relate to it and many others. As fire31 said the newbies in need thread is proving to be very successful, we all check in with each other each day to support and share our successes, blips whatever. As for the pills, the way I see it is, most of them are completely natural and are vitamins, they are replacing many of the vitamins that your body has lost through the years of drinking, also they can't possibly do as much harm as the alcohol is doing and if taking a few pills for a few weeks helps you to either stop or moderate your drinking it has got to be worth it and better for your health in the long run. Why not buy the book, I bought the e-book version, it is not long and I read it in a night. It just made so much sense, as soon as I read it I knew this was the way out. Hope you feel the same. If you need any more help PM me.

[AMELIA]

New here, hope today is AF Day 1

Hi Kathy,
Welcome!
I really can empathise with the drinking and stress. I drank to relieve any stress (and I haven't even had kids yet!!).

I am the same age as you and drank like you are doing for more than 10 years. It does get progressively worse and is a very lonely and scary place to be.

Once I got my first days AF under my belt I found it easy to carry on (I have done a few abs stints of around 2 weeks) but this so far has been my longest and I plan to carry on.

Kathy, I believe the supplements, kudzu (and topa if thats for you) do work to reduce the cravings. I am taking all of them and feel completely differently now than when I have tried to stop drinking unaided.

Paddy, another of our members has started a thread in the Meds forum on Topamax if that interests you. There are personal accounts from a large number of members that are taking topamax, they explain their side effects (if any), weight loss, etc, etc.

Regardless of which way you choose to go forward with your drinking, you have made a positive step coming to this website Kathy!!
Best wishes
Amelia (20 days AF)

[Janice]

New here, hope today is AF Day 1

Hi Kathy, my name's Janice, I'm 44 and I too just found this website last week. I can't tell you the difference it has made to me in just a short time. I know I've got a long way to go but I've made a start. You've just got to take each day at a time. Like you, I was on a litre of wine a day, secret drinking, hiding it etc. First, try and read the book and then pick out what you want from the programme. I went on the vitamins and supplements straight away (I'm in the UK and got them from Holland & Barrett). Tomorrow will be day 7 for me without alcohol and I feel so much better physically. I've also ordered the cds. The biggest help though is coming on here and reading and posting messages. Everyone understands what you're going through and everyone is so supportive. You read other people's messages and you think "yeh, that's me, that's what I'm doing"! Keep your chin up Kathy and get started. We are all here for you. Good luck.

[bird]

New here, hope today is AF Day 1

Hi Kathy,
Please join our newbies in need.I've been drinking for 30 years except while pregnant.I tried it then but it just smelled awful. I'm on kudzu and it really cuts the cravings,although I'm still drinking some.Just not as much.You will find many nice and supportive people here. Bird

[juney]

New here, hope today is AF Day 1

Hi Kathy and welcome. I too like Janice am 6 days into this and not had a drink or craved one. I take Kudzu and L-glut which i find help stop the cravings. L-glut too is supposedly good in helping with any sugary cravings you might get which is helpful as i tend to overdo it on the chocolate but funnily enough i havent felt like any lately.
I was drinking between 1 and 2 bottles of wine a night in a short space of time and then even thought about going out for more. Never satisfied with one! Sometimes i would go into the drinks cabinet and down some of the spirits. Needless to say i felt awful the following morning. I hid bottles anywhere i could in the hope that they would never be found and once a week when i was in the house alone i would try to remember where i had hidden them and put them all in a black bin bag and take them to the recycling bin hoping i didnt meet anyone i knew there. Its funny what hiding places we come up with when we are desperate to not get found out.
My room is bottle free now as is my car and handbags. Hoping to keep it that way. Keep posting - it does help enormously and the support and encouragement is phenomenal i find
xx

[bluesky]

New here, hope today is AF Day 1

Hi Kathy and everyone else out there I'm also a newcomer and on day 2 AF let's hope I can make it. I am happily married (although I don't know why my husband is still with me) with 4 beautiful children and a full time job and a huge drinking problem, once I start I can't stop until I'm totally blacked out. I start when I come home for the office to "destress" and although I never have any intention of finishing the first bottle number 2 goes straight down the hatch as well and it's getting quicker and quicker, how worrying. I have not as yet ordered the book, cd etc. etc. but probably will when I get a moment. I am hoping to struggle through without the Topamax as I am already taking medication following breast cancer in 2004. But as Aduggan said look at the harm the alcohol is doing to you, if I could (and I don't believe in taking medication I think I am at the point where I would try it out for a while, get over the first few hurdles and then stop). I might in fact ask my oncologist if I can take it along with my cancer medication (oh no that would mean having to tell him that I have a drinking problem - how awful! rather suffer than do that). Would love to write more but have to do some work now, I feel so much better today on my AF day 2 than I have for along time. long may it last, let's be strong together.

Bluesky XX

[garden girl]

New here, hope today is AF Day 1

hi everyone i tried to post a help message a few days ago but could not find it anywhere on the forum so never got a reply lets see how this goes

[Diana]

New here, hope today is AF Day 1

Hi and Welcome,
You have come to the right place and at this stage of your life you have the choice of quitting or moderating. It is very stressful bringing up a couple of active boys which is what I had. I am now a grandmother but I still remember the stress particularly with the second baby who was born sick and has been a bit of a trial all of his life. He is now 29 and a father of my three beautiful grandchildren. I have been drinking since I was in my early 20's. I've had my ups and downs with the grog but thanks to being here I have learnt to moderate and am enjoying life to the full. I wish you the best and hope to see you here often.

Warm wishes
Diana