Haven't had time yet

[rebelicious]

Looking forward to the semester ending - I am so sick of twelve-hour days (I teach).

I have all of the supplements, CD's, Topamax, and everything else. I just need to not be in front of a classroom for a while.

I wish I could go to rehab - night sweats, hallucinations, et cetera - but this stupid disease (and myself - yes, I own it) has screwed with my financial situation to the point where I can't take that kind of time off. I have been weaning myself down - it's all I can do.

I'd love to say that I could have relied on other people. Unfortunately, I have no parents (they're deceased, and have been for years). I have no family, either.

I Thank God I don't have kids (I couldn't put them through this).

I'm so sick of all this.

I really do want to get well - I just have to deal with one more week.

I'm so jealous of everybody who doesn't have this condition.

I just want to be well.

If you're diabetic, well, that's okay. Why not us?

I was so healthy once - people used to say, "You make me sick!"

I'm tired of making myself sick. I wish I could de-tox at a real medical facility, but that is not an option.

I'll get there. I just don't have the means not to wean.

At least I don't drink like I used to.

Just blowing off steam.

One day, I will be healthy again. I will be able to sleep for more than three hours at a time. I will have my life back.

If you think I'm "putting this off," then just imagine your life with nobody in it when you come home. Nobody there for the stupid holiday. So please, don't put me down - I'm already there.

[Guest]

Haven't had time yet

You ain`t got nobody. You got all of us, and we both care and understand.

Starlight Impress

[Otie]

Haven't had time yet

Reb,

Those could have been my words, too. I'm all alone and doing sickly long hours at work. I'm exhausted. I'd love to check in for a nice rehab for 1-2 months, but cannot. Not until the project is done. Well, and money is to problem, too.

I just had a colleague being diagnosed as diabetic and everyone is so supportive to him and sympatic. And I cannot tell anyone that I also have a disease, have to keep it hidden. Not fair.

I just read some one's quote that said that to move a mountain one needs start moving the little stones first. Rehab is like moving the mountain with bulldozers, ok, we don't have them, so it's slow work with bare hands and shovels.

And I am sure we get there!

:thumbsup

[Beaches]

Haven't had time yet

You have a goal in sight and that's a great start, you know where you want to go. I agree that not being able to openly get support from our communities is hard and that's why this place is so great. It's a group of people from all over the world that comes here to support us when we're having one of those days.
Don't get down, you have everything you need to succeed.
Best of luck.

[Beaches]

Haven't had time yet

BTW, Otie, that quote is from Waves, she has it as her signature and I agree it's very inspiring.

[Yucon]

Haven't had time yet

I used to think that I was all alone and that I was the only one that could fix it. Once I made the big step and went AF, I reached out to family friends and this great support group. I was over whelmed how much everybody cared and was willing to help.

It will work. Reach out and find those folks to talk to. It made all the difference in the world for me.

Good Luck, stay in touch. You can do it.

[bird]

Haven't had time yet

Yes I know what you mean. I am such a secret alchoholic with few people knowing. They would judge me so I hide. My parents have also been dead for many years. I have my kids but they are 8 and 10. I'm too broke to go rehab and no one to care for kids if I could go. I'm just struggling through as best I can. Bird

[MDBiker]

Haven't had time yet

Hey Reb,

You have come to the right place. Good for you getting all the paraphernalia ready. I agree with you that if you are going to be in front of a class taking Topamax will cause you to mis-speak, but I have to tell you I was drinking so much that I couldn?t think even when I thought I was being normal. I know the topa causes the brain to misfire sometimes, but the alcohol was leaving my brain so dull I was being non-functional. And all the time, I thought I was doing a reasonable job in my mind.

The alcohol was taking all the life out of me, and I didn?t realize how much. I took the topa and worked through the thinking problems. I believe I was more cognizant under the influence of topa than I was under the shroud of alcohol. Maybe you can start sooner than you think. You will have to titrate up so you would be taking low doses for the first few weeks and you could get started now.

I know detox is not easy, but very few of us are able to detox at a medical facility. If you can afford it you can go to a Psychiatrist who should prescribe medication to help you over the detox stage. For me that was a $20 co-pay, and it was worth $1000. I was much like you just a few weeks ago. I was so tired of binge drinking I didn?t want to be in my own company. And within a few days, I was on the road to being AF. You can do this, I know you can.

God Bless
Bear

[PeggySue]

Haven't had time yet

Hey Reb,
One thing I've learned from reading these posts...no one will ever put you down....we've all been there. We all hate the way we have let this make us become. I have even pulled up at a stop light and looked over at someone and thought, "I wish I were you, because I bet you don't crave a drink like I do". Isn't that crazy??? I read where someone wrote, they wished they could just quit "thinking about drinking" all the time. It's a constant battle, but you can do it. I can do it. Good luck to you. Summer is almost here, and school will be out. You can hopefully devote time to yourself and your healing.

Bless YOU!!
Peggy Sue