Need a bit of a moan

[poppy62]

Well its Friday and on day 4 of al which is going well. I am a binge drinker so its easy in the early days harder as time goes on. But today I just need a bit of a moan to people who understand. My husband wants me to go to AA , I have attended a few meetings in the past and it really is not for me. Although I respect it works and is a lifeline for many people I cannot get passed what I persive as their concept that you are helpless over alcohol as if its your fault. I totally accept that I have know for many years that I have a al problem and through denial have not confronted it . But I view this as a genitic illness that I have not asked for, I would love to have a normal brain that had a few drinks a bit of a laugh and moved on but I dont. I have explained this to my husband and his take was stop feeling sorry for yourself and get to AA. Although I have told my family and friends I really dont want to take my al problem into a public arena, ( which I dont feel comfortble with personally and professionally I may as well shoot myself now ) is that so wrong ?????. At the minute I am feeling a bit angry with him for what I see as his lack of compassion and understanding. I know this is my problem and I have to deal with it but I need to do it in my time and my way. I have to point out my husband is a lovely man but he is very driven and sucessful and has very little empathy with anybody who is not not as focused as he is he does not get why anybody would want to get drunk ( he is somebody who has been drunk once did not like it so never done it again so the concept of doing it again and again it beyond his comprehension).. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh moan over thank you all for listening xx

[aclassicgirl]

Need a bit of a moan

I hear what you're saying about AA. I don't want to go for similar reasons. I've had my fair share of struggles and bad/sad things, but I've drudged those up plenty and stared them in the face. I really don't want to do that again. I'm working on letting go of the guilt. I've got guilt on top of guilt on top of guilt. I'm pretty positive that's my main motivation for drinking. I feel like if I go to AA, folks will want more information than I really want to give. I don't really want to talk about the past anymore; I need to talk about the present!
Plus, which one would I even go to. The one in my neighborhood or by my work? Ha! Neither.

The ONLY question I have is, is it a good place to meet non-drinking friends? I don't have any except you fine folk and my mother-in-law.

Husbands can be doosies, that's for sure. Like you said though, he can't relate. But one thing you said stuck out. He doesn't like being drunk. Do/Did you? I don't think so or you would be boozing it up and not trying to help yourself. Maybe you can lean on him a bit. Try to get in his brain on how he can so easily turn down AL without a second thought.

You know this forum is awesome. I commit to posting twice a day, and I read until my eyes water.
Lots of hugs and sunshine (I mean snowflakes)!

[lifechange]

Need a bit of a moan

Hello dear Poppy, I don't know if this will help, but it cleared things up for me a bit. I went to AA for awhile and had a sponsor and I always had problems with the helpless part of it. My sponsor explained to me that I am NOT helpless as long as I don't pick up the first drink. I have all the power in the world over alcohol as long as I don't ingest it-- If I DECIDE to drink alcohol, I am helpless-- as I've proved to myself 1000 times.

I don't go to meetings now because they are at very inconvenient times and locations for me-- but I met some awesome people there. I was very pleasantly surprised. I would say you could always try it out to see if you like it-- you don't have to go back!!:l
You're doing so well.. I've been following you..

[Lavande]

Need a bit of a moan

Poppy,

It's pretty easy for people to throw the 'you should go to AA' line at you, I know.
But you are the only one who can decide if AA is right for you or not

I was firm with my family that I had a plan & had found an online support group & basically told them to stay out of my business!!!!
My husband is good at bullying & pushing people around & I had had enough of that anyway.
My quit had to be about me ~ just me & no one else.

Show your husband, family & friends that you are serious about your quit by staying on track & moving forward with your AF life

Wishing you the best!
Lav

[DreamThinkDo]

Need a bit of a moan

Poppy, wise words from Lav...

LC, thanks for that clarification - unfortunately, I/most people see it as it stands on paper, and I absolutely refuse to admit that I am powerless over alcohol. That said, the many people here who also go to AA only has praise for it.

[mama bear]

Need a bit of a moan

I loved AA.....met awesome supportive people....but sometimes you have to hunt for the right meeting......
I might add that I am a spiritual person and I AM powerless over AL....

[poppy62]

Need a bit of a moan

Hi community friends, awesume responses and advice as always. I find coming on here very helpful. I have been to a few AA meeting and its just not for me. I plan to do some councilling and get some hypnopherapy and I come on here and read a lot of the post and take on board the advice and suggestions. I acknowldege that my brain is wired up wrong so I have a genic predisposition to alcohol abuse aka an illness not that I am a bad weak person if that makes sense as I feel bad enough about the place al has taken me to as it is. As mentioned I don't want to keep reliving the past i want to look to a happy af future and coming on here gives me that support and help and inspiration , this is such an amazing accessable anonomous place . I have a plan to stop af our home is now an af zone (my husband is not really a drinking anyway) I have told my close friends and family I have a problem so there is no panicing trying to find excuses why I dont want to drink when we are with them, come on here reguarly keep reading listening and learning and do whatever it takes to stop on the path that I want and need to be on !! the af one !!!!. Sorry guys for going on and the apailing spelling but i hope you get where I am coming from. And a huge thank you for all your support xx

[Pavati]

Need a bit of a moan

Hi, Poppy--

I am only on day 5 so I'm no expert. AA is actually quite successful, so maybe they're doing something right. I resist because of powerlessness as well (now I get it, LC). There are other in-person recovery programs (SMART for one). Would you want to try one of those out?

I am also resisting the in-person meeting because I live and work in a small community and I still feel the shame/sting of having let myself become and alcoholic. I am working 1 on 1 with a counselor to get over blaming myself and hope that will help, too.

Read Byrdie's post from last night from the woman whose husband is an alcoholic. Maybe that will help you find some empathy for your husband who may just want to ensure you get better.

Happy Friday.

[K9Lover]

Need a bit of a moan

Hi Poppy,
Feel free to "moan" away, that's what we're here for! I understand where you AND your hubby are coming from. Of course I "get" the alcoholic side (yours) but I also get the impatient why-can't-people-just-get-their-shit-together side (his)! I am very much like him in other aspects of life...yet I am like you in regards to alcohol. Talk about an innner tug-of war! LOL

Maybe just explain to him that you are finding other ways to deal, other than AA. And remind him that he is the best source of support for you, so please try to be patient.

You are doing great...keep it up!!

K9

[Loveless]

Need a bit of a moan

I was a little apprehensive about going to AA aswell for a few different reasons: was worried about people judging me, thought they were going to push religion on me, etc. but i went to a meeting yesterday and it was not what i expected at all. as soon as i walked in i felt very welcome and got hugs from complete strangers. the general vibe i got was very supportive and i plan to continue going whenever i can!

i am not suggesting by any means that AA is for everyone or is an absolute cure or anything like that, but I think it is definitely worth a shot. Everyone needs to find what works for them.

Wishing everyone the best.

-Love