End of week 13

[Softy]

This is an interesting day. 13 weeks ago, 6th Sept, I had my last drink.

13 x 7 = 91 AF days

Now it is interesting territory because twice before in the last decade I have pulled myself together to have three months off. On both occasions I couldn't wait to have a drink on Day 91 because I had earned it. Both times I had the thought that I could moderate. Both times I sunk into the old routine within a matter of weeks.

I kept saying to myself in the summer this year "if I can ever get a period of sobriety under my belt I will say to myself, don't take a drink, think of where you are today because of it, think how fast you go back to it"

Now I am here,90 days in the bag, and I can still hear myself saying, "don't do it"

This time feels different, I have the mindset to be grateful for not drinking and I have come to realise that drinking is suffering. I used to think not drinking was suffering because I was depriving myself. Now I am just glad I don't need to drink. I am proud of myself for losing 20lbs and getting fit. I raised a chunk of money for Alzheimer's (in memory of my mum) doing a 5k fun run last week. I am starting to like myself rather than hate myself. I have many faults, but I am not a bad person and if I pull my personalities together they could become friends and work together as an integrated whole.

The light box really seems to have kicked in and helped with the SAD winter Blues, so despite a huge wobble a month ago, things are looking up.

I had my medical this week and am waiting nervously for the results. I was told my blood pressure was 140/74 which the nurse said is borderline high blood pressure. Drinking will not help this so I need to be careful.

My fear is Christmas. I don't know how I will get on with that. But "one day at a time" is the mantra so let's cross that bridge when we get to it.

Sorry for the long rambling update this week. It is therapeutic to get the thoughts out of my head. It may be selfish, but then if you are cheesed of with these missives then you can just click the mouse and navigate to a more interesting page

Have a nice AF weekend.

Keep On Keeping On y'all :h

[DreamThinkDo]

End of week 13

Softy, so glad you decided to celebrate 91 days not by drinking but by posting. And please don't ever apologise for "long" and :selfish" posts - there is no such thing. I look forward to your weekly updates - so keep on posting.

[NoSugar]

End of week 13

Great update, Softy, and I'm so glad for you that you don't want to drink on day 91! And there is no reason that any day of December needs to be any different than the last 90. You're getting used to this life now and can just keep on keeping on one day at a time.

This cracked me up :H:

Softy;1595584 wrote: if I pull my personalities together they could become friends and work together as an integrated whole.

I was feeling like I had more than one personality, too! Luckily, they all seem to be getting on now and the one who finally is in charge again is the one I like best .

Have a great day! NS

[available]

End of week 13

Softly congrats on your 91 days and thanks so much for the post. I cant imagine that amount of time not drinking to be honest and when i do get there i will probably feel the same of oh "now i can have 1 or i can moderate". Not going to happen with us alkies is it? You are totally right, we dont need AL in our lives and look what you have achieved in that three months.

Keep going and be strong. I love your posts.

[Softy]

End of week 13

Thank you all - reaching out from my armchair and sharing thoughts of a similar nature with Austrailia South Africa USA etc is truly inspiring We are all humans and face the same battle With the world on my side I cannot lose

[Overit44]

End of week 13

Softy-congratulations! Just get through THIS day.

I was in your spot and yes, after having months under my belt I felt I "deserved" that drink and that I could now moderate. What a fool! I still have those moderation thoughts. Please, please, please stick with this. You will not regret it.

I've had issues with the daily count. On one hand I love to look at how it builds so quickly, really. On the other, what am I counting to? Where/when does it stop? It doesn't so why am I counting? Can't it just be a thing "I don't drink". Not "since when?" or "for how long" it's just a fact, a thing.

Anyway, sorry to ramble. Congratulations and stay the course my friend.

[Softy]

End of week 13

Overit44;1595612 wrote: I've had issues with the daily count. On one hand I love to look at how it builds so quickly, really. On the other, what am I counting to? Where/when does it stop? It doesn't so why am I counting? Can't it just be a thing "I don't drink". Not "since when?" or "for how long" .

This is very perceptive - just the same thoughts I had when writing the opening post

I don't know the answer either!

[available]

End of week 13

Maybe we can stop counting at infinite, it will give us an interest and stop us from drinking as putting in all those numbers will make us concentrate no end.

It is an interesting thought Over, I would just like to say I do not drink but smokers always remember their quit date and remember how long it has been.

Its just nice not to drink and to wake up feeling human and knowing we are achieving something for ourselves. This is how I feel today on a Saturday.

[NoSugar]

End of week 13

Hi, Softy and Overit

I decided to count to 100. Towards the end it felt kind of silly because I felt fully committed to not drinking. But -- that was my goal so I counted until I got there (and enjoyed all the fuss around here!!). I know it sounds kind of silly, but I wanted to be able to post on that 100-day thread so I needed to know when I was there.

Now I notice the 24th of each month and once in awhile, I do that Super Sober Sunday Shout Out that Jackie Claire starts each week - it is fun to see where I am sometimes.

Since none of us are going to make it to infinity, I'd say count while it helps you and keeps you from drinking and stop when it seems more like a meaningless chore. (You can always start again like Sam just did in Roll Call if it seems like a useful tool at a particular time).

Make sense?

[Softy]

End of week 13

NoSugar;1595617 wrote: Make sense?

Yes it does. It is a sense of achievement to see the days rack up. Think I will do the same up to 100 then be reborn. Day 100 can be like a second birthday

If the Queen can have two special days then why I can't I?

[Dottie Belle]

End of week 13

I am looking forward to day 100...and I think I will keep counting until I choose not to..keeps me honest and accountable...and of course the lovely awards are worth it!!

[free at last]

End of week 13

Hi Softy,
Congrats on exceeding 90 days, hope you continue on this path you are benefiting from. Well done!

[Myluck]

End of week 13

"This time feels different, I have the mindset to be grateful for not drinking and I have come to realise that drinking is suffering. I used to think not drinking was suffering because I was depriving myself." - this is exactly how my husband feels now - deprived when he is " forced not to drink" . Softy - you came along way to realize that this is nothing of being deprived but more liberating yourself with choice you make of not drinking.

[Pavati]

End of week 13

Hi, Softy-

Thanks for the great post - you seem like you're in a really great spot and that is good for us newbies to hear. I love what you said about pulling all of your personalities together. Heh.

I'm going to count until at least 100. I'm one of those people who goes for a run around the neighborhood and then drives my car to see exactly how far I went (I guess I could do that now on an app), and I count my swimming laps, my miles on the treadmill, etc. I like the sense of accomplishment a number gives me. I do hope that eventually I'll stop and just be.

[Softy]

End of week 13

Pavati;1596322 wrote: Hi, Softy-

Thanks for the great post - you seem like you're in a really great spot and that is good for us newbies to hear. I love what you said about pulling all of your personalities together. Heh.

I'm going to count until at least 100. I'm one of those people who goes for a run around the neighborhood and then drives my car to see exactly how far I went (I guess I could do that now on an app), and I count my swimming laps, my miles on the treadmill, etc. I like the sense of accomplishment a number gives me. I do hope that eventually I'll stop and just be.

Day 93 - this time next week I am hoping for a telegram from the Queen!