13 x 7 = 91 AF days
Now it is interesting territory because twice before in the last decade I have pulled myself together to have three months off. On both occasions I couldn't wait to have a drink on Day 91 because I had earned it. Both times I had the thought that I could moderate. Both times I sunk into the old routine within a matter of weeks.
I kept saying to myself in the summer this year "if I can ever get a period of sobriety under my belt I will say to myself, don't take a drink, think of where you are today because of it, think how fast you go back to it"
Now I am here,90 days in the bag, and I can still hear myself saying, "don't do it"
This time feels different, I have the mindset to be grateful for not drinking and I have come to realise that drinking is suffering. I used to think not drinking was suffering because I was depriving myself. Now I am just glad I don't need to drink. I am proud of myself for losing 20lbs and getting fit. I raised a chunk of money for Alzheimer's (in memory of my mum) doing a 5k fun run last week. I am starting to like myself rather than hate myself. I have many faults, but I am not a bad person and if I pull my personalities together they could become friends and work together as an integrated whole.
The light box really seems to have kicked in and helped with the SAD winter Blues, so despite a huge wobble a month ago, things are looking up.
I had my medical this week and am waiting nervously for the results. I was told my blood pressure was 140/74 which the nurse said is borderline high blood pressure. Drinking will not help this so I need to be careful.
My fear is Christmas. I don't know how I will get on with that. But "one day at a time" is the mantra so let's cross that bridge when we get to it.
Sorry for the long rambling update this week. It is therapeutic to get the thoughts out of my head. It may be selfish, but then if you are cheesed of with these missives then you can just click the mouse and navigate to a more interesting page
Have a nice AF weekend.
Keep On Keeping On y'all :h
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